White lies (Page 27)
He listened, trying to locate his captors. The usual jungle sounds were absent, and gradually he realized that he was too cold to be in a jungle. The smell was all wrong, too; it was a sharp, medicinal odor, like disinfectant. This place smelted like a hospital.
The realization was like a curtain going up, and abruptly he knew where he was and what had happened, and at the same time the hazy recollection of the steamy jungle swiftly faded. The final surgery on his eyes was over, and he was in Recovery. "Jay!" It took an incredible amount of effort to call for her, and his voice sounded strange, even worse than usual, so deep and hoarse it was almost like an animal’s cry. " Jay!"
"Everything’s all right, Mr. Crossfield," a calm voice said soothingly. "You’ve had your surgery, and everything is just fine. Lie still, and we’ll have you back in your room in a few minutes."
It wasn’t Jay’s voice. It was a nice voice, but it wasn’t what he wanted. His throat was dry; he swallowed, and winced a little because his throat was so raw and sore. That’s right; they’d had a tube down it. "Where’s Jay?" he croaked, like a frog.
"Is Jay your wife, Mr. Crossfield?"
"Yes." Ex-wife, if they wanted to get technical. He didn’t care about the labels. Jay was his.
"She’s probably waiting for you in your room."
"Take me there."
"Let’s wait a few more minutes–"
"Now." The single word was guttural, the steely command naked. He didn’t try to dress it up in polite phrases, because it was all he could do to say a few words at a time. He was still groggy, but he fixed his thoughts on Jay with single- minded determination. He began groping for the rail on the side of the bed.
"Mr. Crossfield, wait! You’re going to pull the IV out of your arm!"
"Good," he muttered.
"Calm down, we’re going to take you to your room. Just lie still while I get an orderly."
A minute later he felt the bed begin to move. It was a curiously relaxing movement, and he began to go to sleep again but forced himself to stay alert. He couldn’t afford to relax until Jay was with him; there was damned little he knew about who he was or what was going on, but Jay was the one constant in his life, the one person he trusted. She had been there from the beginning, as far back as his memory reached, and further.
"Here we are," the nurse said cheerfully. "He couldn’t wait to get back to his room, Mrs. Crossfield. He was asking for you and kicking up a fuss."
"I’m here, Steve," Jay said, and he thought she sounded anxious. He noticed that she didn’t correct the nurse about her name, and fierce satisfaction filled him. The name didn’t mean much to him, but it was a name he’d once shared with Jay, one of the links that bound her to him.
He was lifted onto his bed, and he could feel them fussing around him for a few more minutes. It was getting harder to stay awake. "Jay!"
"I’m here."
He reached out with his left hand toward her voice, and her slim, cool fingers touched him. Her hand felt so small and fragile in his.
"The doctor said everything went perfectly," she said, her voice somewhere above him in the darkness. "You’ll get the bandages off for good in about two weeks."
"Then I’m outta here," he murmured. His hand tightened around hers, and he gave in to the lingering effects of the anesthesia.
When he woke again, it was without the initial confusion, but he was still groggy. Impatiently he forced his mind out of lethargy, and it was so habitual now to ignore the pain in his mending body that he truthfully didn’t even notice it. At some unknown point in his life he had learned that the human body could be forced to superhuman feats if the brain knew how to ignore pain. Evidently he had learned that lesson so well that it was second nature to him now.
Now that he was more awake, he didn’t have to call for Jay to know she was in the room. He could hear her breathing, hear the pages of a magazine turning as she sat by the bed. He could smell the faint, sweet scent of her skin, a scent that identified her immediately to him whenever she entered the room. Then there was that other awareness, the physical awareness that was like an electrical charge, making his skin tingle with pleasure and excitement at her closeness, or even at the mere thought of her.
He hadn’t kissed her since their argument the week before, but he was only biding his time. She had been upset, and he didn’t want that, didn’t want to push her. Maybe he hadn’t been much of a prize before, but she still felt something for him, or she wouldn’t be here now, and when the time came he would capitalize on those feelings. She was his; he knew it with a bone-deep sense of possession that overrode everything else.
He wanted her. The strength of his sexual need for her surprised him, given his current physical condition, but the stirring in his loins every time she touched him was proof that certain instincts were stronger than pain. Every day the pain was a little less, and every day he wanted her a little more. It was basic. Whenever two people were attracted to each other, the urge to mate became overwhelming; it was nature’s way of propagating the species. Intense physical desire and hot, frequent lovemaking reinforced the bond between two people. They became a couple, because back in the human species’ first primitive days, it took two people to provide care for their helpless young. In current times one parent could raise a child quite well, and modern medicine had made it possible for a woman not to become pregnant if she didn’t want to, but the old instincts were still there. The sexual drive was still there, a man’s need to make love to his woman and make certain she knew she was his. He understood the basis of the biological need programmed into his genes, but understanding didn’t lessen its power.