Falling Away (Fall Away #3)(88)
Author: Penelope Douglas

It didn’t hurt.

“Is she your girlfriend?” the blonde asked.

Jax smiled his cocky smile and touched her stomach, his thumb grazing under her shirt. “Well, if she is, I hope she plans to share.” He kissed her cheek. “You’re too sweet to give up.”

She let out a quiet laugh and inched her lips into his face. “You just like me because I let you do anything you want to me.”

Jax smiled, letting his head fall back as he looked up at me. “If you want to join in, we can all go up to the room.”

Shane immediately hooked my arm from behind to pull me back, but I yanked it free, scowling down at Jax.

I’d always told myself that I deserved good things—that I was worthy—but fuck if I ever believed it. You can’t tell yourself anything. Your heart only believes what it feels, and experience is the best teacher.

I reached forward, grabbed the girl’s arm, and yanked her off Jax’s lap.

“Hey,” she whined, but I planted my hands on his armrests and glowered down at him.

His gorgeous face watched me.

“Why?” I demanded.

His eyes narrowed. “Because I can.”

I shook my head. “This isn’t you. You’re not cruel, and you don’t want her. Why are you pushing me away?”

“It’s just summer fun,” he retorted. “Now fuck me or fuck off.”

I dug my nails into the chair, searching his eyes for anything soft. Anything warm and mine. Anything I could recognize.

But all I saw was his sick smile.

“I barely see her,” I whispered, baring my teeth. “I only see you. Your father didn’t make you unclean. The shit you’ve been through didn’t make you dirty. This,” I seethed, pointing at him and growling low, “this—right here, right now—is what makes you scum.”

I pushed off the chair and backed up, seeing his eyes turn dark and wanting the guy who could barely control himself in the kitchen last week when I’d made him dinner. The guy who was jealous my ex-boyfriend called. The guy who called me his girl.

I wanted him to carry me up to his room and close the door so we could be lost in each other as if the rest of the world didn’t exist.

But he just sat there.

I’d fought for Liam and look what that got me. It was someone else’s turn to fight for me.

I turned and left, letting the hot tears fall. It fucking hurt. My lips pursed together, trying to stop the flood, but it was no use.

I hated him.

And I loved him.

And tonight he was going to be sleeping with someone else, or maybe he had already last night or today, and I was an idiot. I was a fucking nonstop train wreck.

I grabbed Shane’s hand, squeezing it tight as I pushed our way through the crowd and out the front door.

I’d see him again. Probably a lot. And I cried more, realizing that. The tears burned my cheeks, and even though they just kept coming and coming, my sobs were silent. Misery usually was.

“Hey, where you going?”

I stopped, looking up at Tate through blurry eyes.

And Jared.

And, fuck me, Madoc and Fallon, too. I guess everyone decided to chase me down.

I sniffled, clearing my throat. “Home.” I tossed Madoc his keys and took a step, but Tate grabbed me again.

“Hey, hey. Stop,” she ordered, and I looked away when she held my shoulders. “You’re crying. What’s wrong?”

I said nothing. I didn’t need to talk about it. I’d spent my life around people who taught me nothing, and now I just wanted to be alone for a while. I wanted to be proud of myself.

I’d grown up.

I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and squeezed her tight, my face pinching with the heartache and the tears streaming down.

“I love you,” I whispered, and then pulled back and spoke to Jared. “I’m sorry I used you in high school,” I said, and looked to Tate, whose eyes were bright with concern. “And I’m so sorry I hurt you. I was wrong, and I will never betray your trust again.”

Tate’s voice shook. “Juliet …”

But I’d already turned and left.

CHAPTER 26

JAXON

I hate how Gordon walks behind me down the stairs. I want to see him coming, and I always feel as if he’ll push me. I move faster than normal¸ the bulge in my pocket giving me courage.

“There’s my boy,” I hear as I reach the bottom of the stairs.

My stomach shakes at the sound of her voice. Sherilynn, my dad’s girlfriend, is always the first to touch me, but I don’t look up. Her frizzy red hair, blond at the roots, and her smeared red lipstick always look the same. Her clothes, too small for her body, remind me what she wants with me, and everything is dirty.

Everything.

If I don’t look I can imagine that she’s pretty. Her wrinkled skin will be soft, and I can pretend that her voice, hoarse from too many cigarettes, is sweet.

I know there are pretty things in the world. Girls at school. My teachers. Things could be clean and sweet and pretty. The moms who pick up my classmates look as though they smell good.

I’ve never been hugged by someone who smelled good.

I curl my toes inside my old, cracked, secondhand sneakers, and I close my eyes as her hands go into my hair. My body feels sick, as if it wants to breathe but can’t, and the world turns black.

The wet, cold smell of mold, cigarettes, and dirt fills my nostrils, and I want to puke.

“Do you want the other one?” Gordon asks behind me.

The other one?

Sherilynn strokes my face. “Yeah, I think it’s time. Go get him.”

I snap my head up, opening my eyes. “Who?”

“Your brother, dipshit.” Gordon pushes my shoulder. “Time for him to join our fun.”

I swing around, pushing Gordon’s chest. “No!” I roar, and he darts out, grabbing my hair at the scalp.

“Why, you little shit.” His hand flies across my face in a loud smack that echoes in the room. My cheek burns, but I don’t stop.

I kick him and swing my arms. “Don’t touch him!” I yell, my face hot with anger.

My father had just beat the crap out of him while I was in the freezer, and tonight I was getting us out of here. I had to get him home.

I swing furiously, not even thinking. No!

“Take him!” Gordon yells, and I tense as soon as I feel Sherilynn’s fist in my hair, stinging my scalp.

Gordon lets go and his fist slams right into my face. I fall to the floor instantly, my ears ringing and my brain fogging over.