Love’s Suicide(92)
Author: Jennifer Foor

“I love you, so much,” he whispered.

I should have been prepared to hear it. He never said goodbye without those words. I should have been able to handle it without breaking down. “I love you, too.” It would never be a lie. No matter what happened, I’d never love another man. That was the only thing I was completely positive about.

“I’ll be there waiting for you tonight. We’ll get through this together. I promise.”

I smiled through my tears, knowing he was making me a promise.

We hung up and I closed my eyes. I could still see Brooks and I together in my future, but there was this big wall blocking me from being able to have it and I didn’t know how to break it down.

Chapter 53

I had to give credit to Danica. She drove us, all the way through to South Carolina, only stopping for bathroom breaks. We were starving and I was exhausted. I’d fought so hard to stay awake to be able to occupy B and keep Danica company.

I wanted to close my eyes and drift away from anything but thinking about my life. No matter what I looked at, or what song was playing on the radio, I thought of Brooks and Bobby and how my whirlwind affair had cost me so much pain.

What hurt the most was knowing that I could have prevented it.

When we pulled up at the house, and I saw a strange vehicle, I knew Brooks was there waiting for us. He was going to want to talk to me again and I wasn’t prepared for it.

I still had calls to make and a company to meet in the morning that I was paying to transport Bobby’s body home. His family, who was extremely saddened by the news, had no idea that we’d been having problems and I worried that when they found out, it would change things.

I had to keep the peace.

It was difficult for me to get in and out of the car by myself, while still feeling pain. I should have known he’d be there to open the door for me. Seeing him standing there made my body immediately warm. His eyes were on mine as were his lips. I closed my eyes and savored the way it felt. “I missed you.”

I let my lips linger against his until we heard B. “Daddy. Me get out.”

Brooks left me standing there so he could pull B out of the back. “There’s Daddy’s, bug. Did you miss me?”

Once she was freed, he let her climb out on her own. Her hand found his and then his other was on my back as I hobbled along.

Danica grabbed her bag and followed us into the house.

I don’t know why I expected it to be as I’d left it. Brooks squeezed my hand when he heard me gasp. “I’ve been cleaning since I got here. I didn’t want you to see it like this.”

My beautiful, brand new home looked like it had been vandalized. Plates were broken, cabinet doors had been pulled off the hinges. Brooks helped me into the living room and the television screen had a huge crack in it. I could see where he’d picked up, but even noticed the curtains were ripped away from the walls.

I ventured further inside of my house, until I reached my bedroom door. Brooks put his hand over the doorknob. “Kat, let’s get you settled first.”

“What is it? What did he do?” I was already crying, feeling like all of the love I’d put into my home was wasted.

“You need to remember that this is just a house. Everything in here can be replaced.”

I looked right at him, angrily staring him down until he released the knob. “The fumes are still bad.”

I opened the door and was taken aback by the smell of gasoline. Everything had been shoved off of my dresser and someone had removed the sheets and blankets from my bed. A large black burn mark was in the center along with a dark mark from where the flames had charred the ceiling.

He’d set our bed on fire.

I couldn’t believe it.

My mouth hung open as I took another mental picture of the room. “What has he done?”

“I already bagged the bedding and the fire extinguisher. I’m assuming this was all some sick message, considering he’d been prepared to put the fire out before it got out of hand. Like I said before, we can replace all of this. I can buy us a new bed tomorrow. With a couple cans of paint and some fresh carpet we can get the smell out of here and you’ll never even be able to tell it ever happened.”

I shook my head and finally looked at Brooks. “Don’t you get it? This is all my fault. Everything! He did all of this because of what I did to him – what we did to him.”

Brooks touched my shoulder and I pulled away. “Please, Kat, you’re not thinking clearly.”

“My husband is dead because I broke his damn heart. We did this to him. It didn’t have to be like this, Brooks. Stop acting like we’re just going to be happy and move forward. There is no moving forward. I’ll never forgive myself. I can’t even begin to think about it.”

He just stood there, as if I’d said nothing. I sighed, knowing I was breaking his heart too. Why couldn’t he understand that I felt responsible? Why couldn’t he see that I’d let my actions destroy a good man? All he wanted to do was take care of me and B. I practically ripped her out of his arms and had fallen right back into bed with Brooks again. This uncontrolled roller coaster was a death-trap waiting to happen.

He reached for me again, pleading with his eyes.

I looked away.

“Kat, don’t make me leave. Please talk to me.”

I closed my eyes when I spoke to keep from losing it more. “I won’t ask you to leave. Your mother and our daughter are here.”

When I opened my eyes he nodded, but looked down. “You just need time. That’s what this is, right? We’ll get through this?”

“Maybe. It’s too much right now, Brooks. I’m not trying to hurt you and this isn’t about our love. There will never be anyone but you. I know that. I need to sort things in my head before I can do anything.”

He nodded again. “So what am I supposed to do? Do I come here every day and pretend that it’s okay to not be able to touch you? Do I avoid eye contact, because looking at you is like shards of glass being driven into my eyes? I’ve waited for you, Kat. I’ve been so God damn patient. If I could take the pain away from you I would. I do anything to keep you from hurting, but I can’t accept that we can’t be together. I won’t let you push me away this time. Do you hear me?”

He grabbed both of my arms. “Look at me, Kat. Look me in the eyes and swear to me that we’re going to get through this.”

I closed my eyes and opened them slowly, feeling warm tears falling down my cheeks, one after the other. “What if we don’t?”