Possession (Club X #3)(47)
Author: K.M. Scott

I heard fear in her voice and eased her off me to look into her eyes. I saw the fear in them too. “What’s wrong, angel?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“You’re afraid of something. What is it?”

“I’m not afraid of anything, Kane. Why would I be? I’m here with you and you take care of me.”

Abbi smiled, but there was something underneath her sweet look that troubled me. She was afraid of someone or something.

“Is it me? Are you afraid of me?” Just saying those words made me feel like my world was falling away from me.

Abbi looked up at me and shook her head. “No! Don’t ever think that.”

“I see the fear in your eyes, Abbi. I guess I wouldn’t blame you after what I told you about my past and what you saw me do to Jethro. I would never hurt you, though. I hope you know that.”

“No! I don’t think that at all. Nobody has ever been as kind to me as you. Why would I be frightened of you?”

Lowering my head, I said, “Because I’m exactly what that judge said I was all those years ago. Violent. Dangerous. A monster.”

Abbi lifted my face so I had no choice but to look at her. Now instead of fear I saw sadness in her eyes.

“You’re not a monster, Kane. You hit Jethro to protect me. That judge was wrong.”

I took her hands so small compared to mine and cradled them in my palms. “I knew it wasn’t about protecting you after the first time my fist connected with his face. After that, it was about vengeance. That’s the problem, Abbi. I say it’s about protecting you, but it’s about hurting people to make them pay for hurting you. There’s a difference.”

She said nothing but looked up at me, searching my face for some answer. I knew what question she wanted to ask.

“Did you do that to Aaron?” she asked, her eyes wide in anticipation of my answer.

I could have lied. She’d never know. I could have pretended someone else finally gave him what he deserved, but I didn’t. I brought her hands to my lips and kissed them softly before murmuring the truth against her tender skin.

“Yes.”

“Why? You could have gotten in trouble and then they’d take you away,” she sobbed quietly.

Reaching out to touch her, I caught the ends of her hair between my fingertips. “That first night I came back to my rooms and saw you lying there in my bed with your hair all cut off. Then you told me he did that to you, and all I wanted to do was hurt him because he hurt you. I found him at his new apartment and did exactly what I did to Jethro. I knew it was wrong, but I’m not sorry.”

Abbi stared at me but said nothing. I knew what she must be thinking. “You probably think I’m that monster now.”

She pressed her lips to mine in a kiss that made my heart swell with joy. “Kane, I would never think you’re a monster for that.”

“I can’t help that I want to hurt people who hurt you. This is who I am.”

Abbi took a deep breath. “Aaron beat me over and over for months. One time I couldn’t see out of my right eye for nearly a week. He tried to strangle me one time because I forgot to buy eggs. He pounded my head into the kitchen wall that time and I blacked out. I woke up alone covered in the raw bacon I was getting ready to cook when he went after me. I don’t care what happens to him. I care about you being taken away, though.”

I pulled her close to me and whispered, “I’m not going anywhere, angel.”

“I can’t live without you, Kane. If they took you away, I don’t know what I’d do.”

Stroking her hair, I tried to make her feel better. “Shhh. Nobody’s taking me anywhere. Mason got the charges dropped. I’m staying right here with you.”

We lay there with her face buried in my chest as I thought of how real the threat of me leaving had been. For the first time in my life, I wanted to stay somewhere, but my demons had other thoughts. They wanted to make anyone who even touched the woman I loved feel the pain of my fists.

Abbi lifted her head and stared up at me. “I want you to promise me something.”

Smoothing the stray hairs from her face, I nodded. “Anything.”

“Promise me you won’t ever leave. Promise me you won’t do anything to make them take you away.”

I knew what she was asking. She wanted me to say I wouldn’t protect her if it meant I might go to jail. I couldn’t make that promise.

“I can’t. If someone hurts the woman I love, I’m going to do everything in my power to make sure they can’t do it again, Abbi.”

She pushed herself away from me and stood up from the bed. “Then you’re going to make sure they take you away from me! You can’t love me like you say you do and then risk having to leave.”

I couldn’t stand the pain in her voice. It was like it had my heart and was squeezing with every word. “I protect the woman I love. I have to. I didn’t do that once and she suffered for it. I won’t let that happen again.”

“I’m not her, Kane. I need you with me, not in prison because you wanted to beat the fuck out of some guy because he touched me!”

“I can’t change who I am, angel.”

“So you don’t care that you’re going to leave me alone if you do that again?”

“I fucking care, Abbi. The thought of being without you makes me feel like someone’s ripping my heart out. Don’t think that I don’t care. Don’t ever think that.”

Leaning on the bed, she took my hand in hers. “Then don’t do it. Don’t leave me here all alone.”

“I can’t fight the demons inside me when someone does something to hurt you. Don’t ask me to. I can’t.”

“Baby, what kind of demons are these? How can you talk about them trying to control you when we make love and in the same way talk about them making you hurt people? Do you want to hurt me?”

“No. Never. I would never hurt you, Abbi. Never.”

She climbed onto the bed and crawled over to sit next to me. “Then what are they?”

“I don’t know. They’ve always been inside me. From the minute I met you, they made me want you, even though I worried I’d hurt you. They make me selfish sometimes. Other times they make me feel anger so completely I can’t stop myself from hitting someone.”

“They never want you to hit me?”

Shaking my head, I said quietly, “No. With you, it’s something different. I can’t explain it. From the first night I saw you, you were all I could think of. I tried, Abbi. I really did. I knew what would happen if I gave in and pursued anything with you. This is why I’ve stayed alone all these years. No woman wants a man who can’t control himself.”