Possession (Club X #3)(63)
Author: K.M. Scott

I pushed the door to close it and said, “I’m not what you need. I can give you all my money, but you don’t want me around when the baby comes. Go.”

Abbi pushed all her weight against the door to stop it from closing and in my drunken state, I didn’t fight her. I just didn’t have it in me.

The two of them came in, and she stood there in front of me sobbing, “I’m not going anywhere. I belong with you, and if that means in these little rooms, then so be it. As long as we’re together, that’s all that matters.”

“Stefan, get her out of here. Take her to the house like I asked Cash to do.”

His expression told me he thought I was being the world’s biggest dick, but he said nothing. All the better. I didn’t want to explain myself to him too. Instead, he tapped Abbi on the shoulder and said quietly, “I’ll be downstairs if you need me to give you a ride to the house.”

As he closed the door behind him, she turned to look at me with those blue eyes that never failed to weaken my resolve. “I’m sorry I ever wrote that letter. I was wrong. Please, just listen to me. I love you, Kane, and I know you love me too.”

I hung my head and tried to think of the words to say to convince her she didn’t want me in her life. “Angel, sometimes love isn’t enough. You have a chance now to go wherever you want. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of along with baby. Start a new life like you’d planned before you met me. Just go and don’t look back.”

She took my hand and pressed her damp cheek to it. “I told you before I don’t want to leave you. Your demons don’t frighten me. The only thing that scares me is not having you by my side.”

“I thought my love for you would be enough to change who I am, but I’m still that monster that judge said I was all those years ago. I can’t promise what happened with Mason and Jethro won’t happen with someone else, and no child should be around that. You shouldn’t be around that.”

“What if don’t want to go? Don’t I get a say in this?”

I moved my hand from her soft cheek and walked away toward my place on the couch where all I wanted to do was drink enough to forget how much it hurt to tell her to go away. She followed me, unwilling to accept the truth. I said nothing but lifted the bottle of whiskey to my lips for a gulp I hoped would take some of this pain away.

“Kane, what happened between when you sent me those letters telling me you missed me and today? What changed?”

“Nothing. That’s the problem. Nothing changed. I’m still the same person I was when I killed that man who raped Holly. The same man who killed Mason because of what he did to you. Why can’t you see that no child should have a father like me?”

“All a child needs is love. You love me and I love you. It doesn’t matter who you were in the past. Our son or daughter won’t care what you did. All they’ll know is that you’re the kindest man and you take care of me.”

I wanted to believe everything she was saying, but I knew the truth of who I was. She wasn’t going to listen to that, though, so with a lump in my throat, I said the hardest words I’d ever spoken in my life. “Abbi, I want you to go.”

She clung to my arm and cried, “No! Don’t do this, Kane! Don’t send me away. I need you!”

I stared into her eyes and struggled to do the right thing, no matter how much it was breaking my heart. “You need to go. Have Stefan take you back to the house. I’ll make sure you have everything you need.”

“I need you! Why are you doing this?”

Standing, I walked to the door and held it open for her. “I’m doing what I said I would. I can’t take the chance that you or the baby could be hurt by me. I’d rather you hate me than me hurt you anymore.”

She followed me to where I stood and took my hands in hers, pleading with her eyes for me not to make her go. “I love you, Kane. Please don’t do this to us. I can handle whatever your demons do. Just don’t push me away.”

I looked down into that beautiful face so sad from everything I was doing and couldn’t help but want to kiss her. Pressing my lips to hers, I wished so much that I wasn’t what I was and that all her dreams of a wonderful life with me could come true, but I knew better.

“This is the way it has to be, angel. I’m doing this because I love you.”

“You’re doing this because you don’t want to hurt me, but you’re breaking my heart! Don’t you think that’s hurting me?” she screamed as she beat her fists against my chest.

I wanted to take her in my arms and make all the bad we’d been through go away, but I couldn’t because I’d caused it. Whatever hurt she was feeling at that moment would pass. In the end, she was better off without me.

Backing away from her, I said quietly, “I’m sorry, angel. I never meant to hurt you.”

“Well, you did. I don’t care about your money or houses or anything else. Why can’t you see that?”

I couldn’t stand there and watch her cry anymore or I’d give in to my own pain and never let her leave. Hating myself more than ever before in my life, I closed the door and listened as she sobbed that she loved me and would never give up on us.

When she finally left to go downstairs to Stefan, I walked to my bedroom and lay down on the blanket I’d spread out on the floor and let the loneliness I’d felt for years come back and take me over. Some people are meant to be alone because all they do is hurt others. I was meant to hurt, no matter how much I wished that wasn’t true.

Abbi was better off without me, and someday she’d realize that. If only it didn’t hurt so much to let her go. I couldn’t think about what this did to me, though.

You were meant to hurt, Kane.

I knew who I was and what my place in the world was. I had no choice.

I had to hurt her to save her.