To Hate Adam Connor

She lifted herself up and leaned back on her hands, successfully pushing me away from her face. Her scowl melted into a smirk, but her eyes looked vulnerable. “Was that line from one of your movies?”

“Are you just a character, Lucy? A character that is written by others?” I asked. “Or are you a real person?”

The scowl came back. “Of course I’m real.”

“Then don’t ask me stupid questions. I don’t need to use movie lines to impress someone I’m starting to care about.”

“So you think you impressed me? You think I’m that girl who’d melt at your feet just because you said something someone else wrote?”

Instead of answering, I kept at her. “I’m a pretty straightforward guy, Lucy. I don’t play games. Not that I can’t or don’t enjoy certain ones, but this kind of game”—I gestured between us—“I don’t want to play. We have one shot at this life, so I’m not gonna spend my time playing games with anybody. I’m not about that. What you see is what you get with me, and the more I look at you, the more I’m around you, the more I like what I see. It’s not just your face, your smile, or your beautiful eyes that tell me all kinds of stories every time I look into them long enough. I like how you are with my son, how you actually enjoy spending time with him, how you enjoy the banter between us. I like how you are trying your hardest to protect your heart from me at the same time you’re trying not to show how hard it is to do so. I’m telling you that I’m going to give you what you want from me, what you wanted from me from that first day you watched me over that damn wall. I’m going to sleep with you, Lucy Meyer, and I’m going to kiss you, my unexpected stalker. I’m going to kiss you without having to trick you,” I announced. Her confused eyes slid back to me. “I’m only telling you because I know you need to prepare yourself for it.”

“I don’t sleep with guys. I fuck them or let them fuck me and then I ask them to leave. And thanks for the pity sex offer, but I’m not in the mood anymore.”

“That’s good, because I didn’t mean now. I’m not planning on sleeping with you until you admit that you like me too. I’m not expecting a declaration of love from you, but it’d be nice to hear something other than ‘I hate you’ coming from your lips.”

She opened her mouth to speak, but I got there before her.

“Yes, Lucy, even though I sent you to ‘prison’, you still like me. I’m sure it’s eating at you, too.” I smiled a little when anger sparked in those beautiful eyes.

I reached up to touch the beauty mark closest to her lip, and she slapped my hand away. I chuckled. It wasn’t a hard slap. With us, it was pretty much foreplay at that point.

“But when it happens—‘it’ being you acknowledging the fact that you like me—I need you to unwrap that protective shield around your heart. I won’t…bump uglies with you while you’re so busy trying to protect your heart that you’re missing what’s happening around you.”

“Nothing is happening, Adam. Whether we do the grand slam or not, nothing will ever happen. I don’t even think I want to bump uglies with you anymore. I feel like I’d have better luck finding someone to get me off on Tinder. If you think you can make me fall in love with you, you have another thing coming. I suggest you get over yourself.”

She turned her face away and attempted to get up from the bed, but I caught her chin between my thumb and index finger, and she stilled, half of her body facing away from me.

“I have a son,” I told her, stating something she of course already knew. “I don’t fuck around. If we get into bed, it won’t be a one-time thing. I’m not that guy. If something happens between us, I’ll be a different guy for you.”

“You were married; you didn’t have enough time to fuck around yet. And fucking around is fun. Be a guy, go have fun.”

“It’s been a while since I separated from Adeline, Lucy.” I let her chin go, and she settled down. “I had plenty of time and a lot of opportunities. But, like I said, I have a son. I’m not planning to parade a long line of women in front of him. I’m not going to be that parent who leaves him with the assistants and the nannies while I’m off shooting a movie, having the time of my life in another country. And even if there were no Aiden, I’ve never been that guy. I’m not the life of the party; that never interested me. You’re not the only one who doesn’t want to end up like their parents.”

“What do you mean?” It took her a second to get what I meant and when she did, her eyes bugged out. “Your dad cheated on your mom? The great Nathan Connor cheated on his Helena? And you knew about it?”

“They both had sex with other people, Lucy. I don’t think they’d call it cheating. Their idea of love and marriage is different from other people. They worked hard and believed they had the right to play hard, too.” I shrugged. “Their choice. Doesn’t mean I want to follow in their footsteps. If I wanted to do that, I wouldn’t have married Adeline.”

“So they had an open marriage.”

“Something like that.”

“Huh. Didn’t see that coming. Color me surprised.”

I relaxed. “Do you want to know what a director told me one day?”

“I guess I have time.”

I smiled and shook my head at her. She was full of it. “It was my first time working with him. Douglas Trent.” I lay down next to her and our arms touched. She didn’t pull away. “I think I was eighteen when we started shooting the movie. It was one of the biggest roles I’d gotten so far, and I was working my ass off to prove to everyone on set that I’d auditioned and gotten that role because I’d deserved it, not because of who my parents were.”

“You’re talking about the movie The First Day?”

“Yes. Great cast. Big names. My first day, I was late to the set. My sister…something came up, and I couldn’t leave her alone at the house. When I finally made it to set, Douglas met with me in my trailer and laid it out to me. I remember his no-bullshit attitude and it impressed me. Before him, everyone tried their best around me because of my parents and their influence in the industry, so I knew nobody would’ve minded if I was an hour late for my scenes. He told me that before I set foot on his set, I’d have to decide what mattered to me, what would matter to me in ten years. Did I want to become a Connor, or did I want to become Adam Connor. There is a big distinction between those two, and I was shocked into silence that he could see that after meeting with me only twice. I was impressed because people seeing the difference between those two things is important to me. Don’t get me wrong, my parents were great actors, they still are, but…that’s another story for another time.”

“What else did the director say?” Lucy asked.

“He told me a lot of things. There was one big name among the actors that didn’t think I could shoulder the role and keep up with them. We had a lot of scenes together, and he didn’t think I was the right choice, and when I was late, I just proved him right. So Douglas asked if I could handle it: the hours, the work, everything. He asked me what mattered to me. Was it the interviews, the fans, the public attention, the women, the money? I told him it was the energy that filled me when I heard the words action, it was the camera, the director, the cast, the script. It was the crew, the preparation for a role. Those were the things that mattered to me. Sure, I’d take the money and the fans and the interviews—all that came with being an actor, but that’s just it: those are the things that come with being an actor. They are not what matters. They are not the reason I do this. I do this for myself because I seem to have the talent and it is what I want to do. So,” I said finally as I turned my head to glance at her. “What matters to you, Lucy? Where do you see yourself in ten years? Will you be busy making sure no one touches your heart again just so you won’t end up like your mom and grandmother? Or will you be living your own life on your own terms? Is your life about not being like them or is it your own story?”