Walk Through Fire (Page 106)

He nodded. “We can discuss this at a time when you don’t have to work and I don’t have to get on the road. But you meet the girls Friday. We have dinner together Friday. We go sleep at Boz’s Friday night. We spend the day together Saturday and Sunday. They sleep here Saturday and Sunday.”

I miraculously kept the panic out of my voice when I noted, “That’s like throwing them in a pool to learn how to swim.”

“You gonna be in my life?” he asked.

“Of course,” I answered.

“Then you’re gonna be in theirs. They gotta get used to it.”

I moved closer to him and gave him a squeeze. “That’s agreed. But I’m gonna be in your life, Logan, and theirs. So we have time.”

“Babe—”

I interrupted him. “Friday, dinner. Saturday doing something during the day. Saturday night, if you don’t want them to camp out in your RV anymore, I can go stay at Dot’s; you guys can stay here. Sunday, lunch or something. When do they go back to their mom?”

“Take them to school on Monday. They go back to her after school.”

They went to her after school on Monday?

He must get them back sometime during the week.

“Then Sunday night I’ll stay at Dot’s again,” I offered. “Or Justine’s. Or Kellie’s or something.”

“Not puttin’ you out of your own house and, Millie, the point still is they gotta get used to you.”

“Sleepover their third visit,” I haggled.

“Babe, that weekend will be a month away.”

That shocked me.

“A weekend?”

“Deb’s got near full custody,” he shared. “Girls are still young, but shit’s gonna start happenin’ soon with them that they’ll need their mom. Our deal was, two years of this, then we go half and half and nearly a year of that is done.”

“You only have weekends,” I stated, but it was a question.

“Every other weekend.”

He only had every other weekend?

Did courts decree that kind of thing anymore with dads?

And if they did, why didn’t he fight it?

However, it didn’t sound like there was a fight.

He said his “deal” with Deb was two years.

Had he agreed to this?

“Logan, that’s… I…”

I trailed off speaking because this wasn’t my place. They were his kids. It was his deal with his ex. He talked dispassionately about her and it seemed there was no acrimony.

I didn’t need to wade in and make any.

“You got somethin’ to say,” he remarked.

“No. I—”

I stopped talking when his arms gave me a squeeze.

“Millie, you got somethin’ to say, say it. Don’t hold back.”

I studied him.

Then I asked, “Are you… good with this arrangement?”

“Fuck no,” he answered. “But Deb never refuses when I ask for extra time but I still gotta do that shit, ask for extra time because I don’t have my girls.”

“Did she push this deal? Deb, I mean,” I asked.

“My idea,” he replied.

His?

“Logan,” I began cautiously, “I don’t get that, especially if you’re missing them and missing out in being with them.”

His arms tightened. “Babe, I’m a guy, so I never turned into a woman. Don’t know shit about cramps and…” his expression changed to one that it took a lot for me not to burst out laughing, “. . . other stuff. Deb obviously does. We get Clee-Clee through that and shit happens when they’re with me, she can help her sister through it until they get back to Deb.”

“You’re telling me you’ve given near full custody to your ex so you don’t have to deal in case your daughters start their periods with you?” I asked incredulously.

The expression came back. I made a noise this time while choking back laughter, the expression left and thunder started clouding his face.

“You got your period, you run to your dad to help you pick tampons?” he growled.

He had a point there.

He was still being funny.

“No,” I told him.

“Help get your moods? Which shit you should buy to deal, you get cramps?” he pushed.

“Deb is but a phone call away,” I reminded him, deciding not to note just yet that I was right at his side.

“That’s precious,” he stated in a way that made all amusement flee. “That happenin’, it’s precious. A girl becomin’ a woman. That’s a time of life to share with your mom. It’s not a memory you should have with your dad not knowin’ fuck all about it. How to guide you. How to help you. How to teach you how to experience something that’s only gonna have its start once but it’s gonna mean changes for years. Important ones. I don’t want that for my girls. I want them to have the precious. I want them to remember that happening and it to be a good memory. I don’t wanna fuck that up for them. Other shit comes with that. Realizin’ boys exist and why. How to deal with that. How to do their makeup. How to find the clothes they like to wear. I don’t want any of that shit to happen, Millie. I want them to stay my babies forever. But I got no choice. They’re growin’ up. And I got no clue how to guide them with any of that. Their mom does. So they need their mom.”

“You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met,” I blurted, the feeling behind those words making them husky.

But I found, to my surprise, they were not bittersweet, the loss of all that he could have given a daughter we made.