Walk Through Fire (Page 47)

She needed that. He knew it. He heard it. Fuck, he even felt it.

And he knew why she needed to give it to him. They were young. They were starting early. They were both all in. And they both wanted the same out of life. To be together, to build a family, to build a life. Neither wanted to delay.

So she needed to prove she could stick it, through thick and thin.

He didn’t like it but if his girl needed it, he was going to give it.

So he gave in.

“Okay, Millie.”

She snuggled even closer, pushing in to kiss his throat. Then she took her hand from his neck, trailed it down his chest so she could wrap her arm around him.

“Thanks, Low,” she murmured. It was again sleepy but there was feeling behind it.

Yeah, she needed it.

So he settled in, his girl cuddled close, and he gave it.

CHAPTER EIGHT

Going Through the Motions

Millie

MY ALARM WENT.

I opened my eyes, looked at the time, sleepily went through the magnitude of things I had to do to get ready to face the day, decided on one I could not do in order to buy more sleep, and I hit snooze.

I settled back in, closing my eyes, exhausted.

Because of all that was going on with Logan, I hadn’t found sleep easy the night before and I didn’t sleep great when I found it.

And it was getting on my busy season. I had a wedding coming up in two weeks and the bride was still changing her mind about practically everything. I also had a fiftieth anniversary party that should go off like clockwork, but it was happening that coming weekend, so I had to dot all the i’s and cross all the t’s.

But it wasn’t just the holiday season coming making things crazy. I was also reconnoitering clients’ homes and offices to create design schemes I would present, then I’d need to make sure I had everything to put my designs into action. Sometimes this took months. And it was taking those months, starting about two weeks ago.

I usually worked nine- to ten-hour days and nearly always put in time during the weekends. But it was getting to my six-day-a-week, ten- to twelve-hour-a-day season.

And to do that and be able to do it well I needed sleep, something I wouldn’t get if Logan remained in my life.

I should never have let this game with him go on.

It wasn’t just stupid.

It was unhealthy.

When he’d showed at my house Monday night, I should have done everything in my power to get him gone. Then I should have gone to Ride, talked to that Tyra woman, told her to stay out of my business and also told her to tell Tack to keep Logan out of it. And to do that, I should have threatened to call the cops.

Chaos did not like cops.

There were a variety of reasons why, including the fact that they grew and sold weed back in the day (and maybe still did).

I knew there was more to it than that but Logan had never shared any of it. And I knew whatever that more was was becoming a bigger part of Club business.

I knew this because, in the time I spent with Logan, Chaos’s antipathy toward police had grown to paranoia.

I also knew it because Logan would often need to go off and do “Club business,” business he did not share when he got back to me, business that could happen at any hour of the day and night, and the longer we were together, the more often that happened.

Not to mention, the more wired he got when he got home, agitation mixed with adrenaline that might translate to good things, like fabulous sex, but it was nevertheless concerning.

As concerning as it was, it was also Logan and I trusted him. I trusted him to do right by me, himself, us, so I didn’t question it. Not ever.

Until I could use it to be a means to an end.

So threatening getting the police involved would make my point and I should have done that.

But I didn’t because I was weak and needy and Logan was Logan. True he was a new, asshole Logan who cut me to the quick, didn’t mind doing it, and thus did it repeatedly. In fact, he got off on it in a way I knew it was his sole purpose to come back and dish out more.

But he was still Logan, older, wiser, and even better with his hands, mouth, and cock.

And as fucked up as it was, I had to admit I was getting off on the game in my own way. I was not in control of it as I was in control of every millimeter of space around me, every aspect of my work, every second of my life. I had no idea when he’d show and when he showed, what he’d do.

I just knew what I’d get.

His attention. As damaging as it was, it was still Logan in my space, eyes on me, mouth talking to me (and doing other things), hands touching me.

And I’d get all that as well as the orgasm he’d give me and the orgasm he’d have that I gave him.

Of course, thinking all of this, I did not snooze, so when the alarm went off again, I was wide awake and had so much to do that day I couldn’t take the eight more minutes another snooze would give me.

I hit the Off button on the alarm and threw the covers back, hauling myself out of bed. I went right to the bathroom, doing this again thinking I needed cats. Another presence in the house. Someone to talk to. Someone to take care of. Someone to love.

Sure, feeding them would add time to my morning routine but to have all that, to cut through the loneliness I’d been denying was weighing on me, I’d do it.

I scratched searching for kittens on my mental list of things to add to my physical list written on a pad on my desk in my studio as I did my preliminary bathroom business and walked out to put coffee on.

I did this thinking about my desk and the time it had taken to right everything after Logan left the day before.

I told myself it was annoying, especially since he’d destroyed my weekly delivery of flowers, got water everywhere, decimated several blooms, thus it took more time to clean up and the arrangement looked like crap after I put it back together and I was good with flowers.