Come to Me Softly (Closer to You #2)(25)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Maybe it was because we were at the Vine. It was the place where Jared would go to unwind when he wanted a beer. It was the place that had become his excuse, where he’d tell Christopher he’d been when he was really hidden away in my room. Maybe it was the proximity to our apartment that made it so real. That made it matter.

One look at the way she was touching him, one look at the panic on his face, and I knew.

I just didn’t know when.

Part of me wanted to keep pretending whatever had happened didn’t count, to assign it to the past and focus on the future.

But I couldn’t.

Because it hurt.

I once believed I’d take whatever piece of him he was willing to give.

That was no longer good enough.

I wanted it all.

As hard as I tried to hide it, it crushed me to think he’d been with someone else during the months he’d been living with us, stealing into my room and into my bed. When he’d hold me and love me and make me whole.

I’d flinched away when he touched me back at the bar, thinking those hands had strayed. I’d tried to forge on with the night and force my worries back inside.

But Jared knew, because he knew me.

Relief had floored me when he brought me home, promising there had been no one else.

Only his true admission had been so much worse.

His confession weighed heavily on my mind and even heavier on my heart. He told me once he would always be an addict because he knew how easily he could slip. He’d also said he’d never go back there because slipping into oblivion was the easy way out and he didn’t get easy.

But somewhere inside me I already knew Jared had fallen. I’d seen the newfound shame dimming his blue eyes, the way he’d hung his head as if he believed himself even lower than the day he’d fled out my door.

I knew it the first time I saw him when he returned and I ran my fingers along the coarse, jagged scar that snaked around his head.

I just hadn’t wanted to see how bad it had actually been.

And I hurt for him. Was scared for him.

The truth was, I was scared for myself because I didn’t know what this new information meant.

Rough, distorted voices traveled through the gap in my door. I trained my ear, listening.

Jared and Christopher.

They were speaking too softly for me to hear what they were saying, but their tone was mild enough to assure me no ill will was happening between the two of them.

I’d already seen it on my brother’s face.

Forgiveness. And maybe even relief.

A couple seconds later, the door swung open. A halo of light silhouetted Jared’s frame, his presence thick and overwhelming.

He stood there, gazing at me from across the room.

Under his stare, I squirmed, fisted the sheets at my sides.

When he stepped forward, he slowly he came into view. He towered over me. As he approached, my eyes caressed the sharp angles of his face. My attention jumped along the deformed, warped story played out on his chest and down the deep lines cut into his rugged stomach. His hips jutted out above his tight underwear, something so tempting in the way he moved. Sinewy muscle bunched and flexed beneath the color of his strong arms, bristled in the corded strength of his powerful legs.

A tremor rolled through me.

He was indescribable. Devastating.

So hard, every inch of him, callused from the wounds that had marred his life, this terrifying beauty that held me captive, tying me somewhere to the darkest places of his soul.

But his eyes . . . they were soft. Bright. Filled my own darkness with light.

“Hey,” he murmured quietly as he drew near.

“Hey,” I whispered back.

He knelt at the side of my bed and leaned in to brush back the matted hair stuck to my dampened forehead. “Are you okay?” Concern tightened his brow as he searched my face. “Was I too rough?”

Softly, I shook my head, unable to look away from this gorgeous man. “No, not at all.” I trailed my trembling fingers down his face. “You don’t need to worry about me so much.”

“How can I not? I just want to take care of you.”

I jumped when he placed the warm, damp cloth between my thighs, then hummed when he gently massaged it over me, deliberate, soft, because taking care of me was exactly what he was doing.

Complete acceptance nodded my head. “I know that.”

He finished cleaning me and tossed the washcloth into the hamper. Slowly, he crawled into bed. Rolling onto his side, he pulled me to him. “Come here.”

I snuggled into the security of his chest, and he drew the covers over us, wrapping me in the safety of his arms.

Warmth spread over me, contenting every fiber in my being. I buried my face in his chest, brushed my lips across the rose, breathed him in.

Jared exhaled as he pulled me closer. And I could feel the shift. Tension clotted the already heavy air. He gathered my hand and wove our fingers together. He held it tight between us. In the dim light, his blue eyes met mine, wholly tender, yet fierce and severe.

“I need you to understand something, Aly. You don’t ever have to worry about me stepping out on you.” He squeezed my hand tighter. “I can promise you that.”

For a flash he averted his gaze, before he leveled the force of it back on me. Vestiges of shame swam in the depths. “But I think you already know I left a whole mess of that behind me in Jersey.”

Jealousy bit at my consciousness, and I squeezed my eyes shut as if I could block it out. I didn’t want to be that girl, the one who let things that could not be controlled affect her life. The one who let insecurities invade, fester, and destroy. But I had to be honest and admit it hurt. Thinking of him with other girls the way he’d been with me left something inside me uncovered, abraded and raw.

Tonight had only proven that.

It had revealed a weakness in me.

Because I’d only ever belonged to him.

I knew it was foolish. Wrong. But I couldn’t help the way I felt.

He jerked at my hand, demanding my attention. My eyes flashed open. “Four years were spent that way. There were a lot of them, and I can’t promise you something like what happened tonight won’t ever happen again.” He blinked like it caused him physical pain. “Seeing your face tonight, how much it hurt you to see me with her . . . God, that killed me, Aly. I don’t ever want to see you hurting that way. If I could go back and change it, you know I would. But I can’t. But you need to know none of them ever meant anything.”

He edged back, released my fingers, and pressed my palm to his chest right over my eyes marking his skin. “You did this, Aly. You made me feel . . . really feel. None of them did that. Not one. I told you once I used girls just as shamelessly as Christopher. I’m not using you. You have to know that.”