Come to Me Softly (Closer to You #2)(80)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Never would I dangle that hope I held for him over his head.

But I’d felt this coming. A storm brewing in the distance, a steady buildup of destructive energy, a force that could not be contained.

Tonight was the culmination of it all.

I just never expected how vicious it would be.

Sorrow squeezed my spirit. Part of me felt as if I had failed him. I’d let him go when I promised to always stand by his side.

But his reaction here in the living room? The madness that had taken him over with the mention of his father’s name?

Even with how much I loved him, I refused to be partner to that kind of life, to raise my child in a house where violence reigned, madness triggered by words that evoked his fear.

In his parting expression, I knew Jared would never want us to live that way. He’d rather remove himself than subject the ones he loved to his rage.

My heart had to believe he didn’t want to live that way, either.

He just didn’t know how.

Drawing in a ragged breath, I crossed the room. I climbed to my knees, careful to dodge the shards of broken glass, nails, and splintered wood, and I began to clear away the mess that had been simmering for weeks.

My body ached, for him, for myself.

Tonight, I’d stumbled into the fray, too slow to get out of the way while I’d begged him to stop. My voice never had a chance at penetrating the rage that had taken over his heart and mind.

He’d lost control, and while I knew Jared would never willingly put me in danger, I wasn’t sure he knew how to stop or fully grasped how dangerous the anger he harbored inside really was.

But I did.

I had to be strong and fight for our family when he didn’t have the strength to do it himself.

Even if that meant letting him go.

The thought terrified me. Jared out there on his own. Alone. It broke me because all I wanted was for him to be here. Safe and protected from the ruin. Away from everything calling him back into destruction.

Sifting through the rubble, I brushed away the glass from the picture of us when we were kids. My heart swelled. I loved him. So much.

There was never any chance of letting him go, no breaking free of the bond we’d forever share. I couldn’t live without him any more than he could live without me.

I fumbled over a gasping sob.

I needed him.

And I prayed, breathed the belief I always had in him into the night. Whispered his name. Begged him to find a path that would lead him back to me.

The front door opened and Christopher froze when he stepped inside. His face fell. “Oh, Aly, come here, sweetheart.”

TWENTY-TWO

Jared

Sunlight blazed from the barren blue sky. Too bright. Blinding. Air heaved in and out of my lungs, jagged and coarse. A growl rumbled at the base of my throat. I hated every f**king miserable second of the day.

I lifted the handle high above my head and brought the shovel down with all the strength I could muster. Metal clanked when it met with the hard, ungiving ground. Still, I fought with it as if I could overtake it. Like I could find a modicum of control when I’d lost all sense of direction. My teeth ground in my ears as I lifted the shovel and slammed it down again and again.

I barely made a dent.

The muscles in my arms flexed and bowed, burning with exertion. The sins forever etched into my skin mocked me, the color stretched taut with the bristle of my flesh. Sweat gathered on my neck and trickled down my spine. It soaked through my dingy white T-shirt and clung to my overheated skin.

Only in Phoenix could I sweat my ass off at the beginning of February.

Or maybe I was just burning up from the inside out.

Incinerating.

Soon all that would be left would be ashes.

But that’s what happens when you play with fire.

Thinking I could live a normal life. Give Aly and our baby one.

Harshly, I shook my head, hating myself a little bit more. Just f**king stupidity and greed. That’s all it was. I knew I didn’t get to have that kind of life, yet I’d taken it anyway.

Grunting, I rammed the shovel into the dirt, feeling myself coming unhinged.

Ripping apart.

Gasping, I stopped my assault on the ground, propped the shovel up, and leaned up against the handle. I dropped my head and tried to catch my failing breath. I lifted the bottom of my shirt to my face, attempting to wipe away the sweat and grime, to blot out all the misery that chased me into the exhausted days.

A wave of dizziness hit me, and I squeezed my eyes.

Damn it.

Three days.

Three days of nothing but torture. Three days of unending regret.

God, I missed her. I missed her so f**king bad I couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t eat. Couldn’t think.

My gut told me to split, to hop on my bike and put as much distance between me and this insufferable place as possible. I couldn’t be here, feeling her everywhere. Knowing I was only minutes away from what I wanted most. It was the worst kind of anguish. I felt like I’d been pierced. Crucified.

But my spirit kept me rooted here.

How could I just leave?

My pregnant girl was sleeping alone. I knew in my heart she was scared. I knew even deeper that she was missing me just as much as I was missing her. And even if I was too f**ked-up to be welcome in her space, that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to take care of her. Provide for her. Be there to protect her when she needed me.

I wasn’t going anywhere.

My hands shook with an old urge, that gnawing impulse that clipped through my nerves, the desire to slip into a moment’s oblivion. To dull and distort.

Because God, this f**king hurt.

I pressed my face deeper into my shirt.

But those urges had nothing on how badly I wanted Aly.

“You doing okay there?”

I dropped my shirt and jerked my head up. Kenny, my boss, stood in front of me, squinting at me through the rays of light.

“Yep. Perfect.” I faked a smile.

He frowned at the nonexistent hole I’d been pounding out for the last hour. “Doesn’t look like you’re making much headway over here.” His brow lifted in question, calling me out on my shit. Things were obviously not perfect. “Why don’t you check on your crew . . . we can get one of the Bobcats over here to dig that hole because I’m pretty sure that shovel’s not going to cut it.”

Kenny rarely checked up on me. He trusted me with my crew, sought me out for advice, put me on tough jobs he knew I’d find a way through.

It was like the guy could read me, see exactly what I was capable of.

Apparently it didn’t take all that much for him to pick up on when I was unraveling, too.