Crazy Beautiful Love (The Martelli Brothers #1)(34)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“A lot, huh?” She grinned back at me. “Even though you were shouting at me just a few hours ago.”

“Well, you were shouting at me as well.”

“Only because you were shouting at me.”

“I’m new to situations like this, Maddie.”

“Have you been in a relationship before?”

“Of course. I’m not a monk.” I laughed at the disappointment in her eyes. “I’m sure you appreciate the benefit of sleeping with a man with experience.”

“I don’t want to think about you sleeping with anyone else.” She wrinkled her nose.

“Just think about me sleeping with you, then.” I pulled her towards me. “Just think about the feel of me as I fill you up and pound you so energetically that you can think of nothing other than the feel of my c**k in you.”

“Logan.” She laughed delicately against me. “Are you trying to turn me on?”

“Did it work?” I winked at her and watched as she licked her lips. I wanted to feel her tongue on me, and I groaned as I realized how turned on I was.

“I’m not going to tell you.” She shook her head and stepped away from me.

“I see the way you are.” I adjusted myself and stifled another groan. “So tell me about your last boyfriend.”

“Are we going to do this now, then?” She looked at me with a question in her eyes, and I wanted to tell her no. I didn’t want to think about her with anyone else. I didn’t want to picture her lips kissing another man’s cheek, her hair trailing along another man’s face, her fingers running through another man’s hair, her eyes adoring another man’s presence.

“Just curious, but if you don’t want to,” I shrugged, “no skin off my back.”

“It’s fine. I’d like to share with you, if you’ll do the same.”

“So who’s the last guy you dated?”

“Brandon Howell III.” She laughed. “His father was from Texas and in oil. And he loved steak. Like, really loved steak. Every date we had was in a fancy steakhouse.”

“Nice.” I smiled weakly, not wanting to hear about Brandon Howell the Third, jerkoff of steakhouses.

“He was tall, about six feet, with a really nice body. He went to the gym a lot. He had blond hair and blue eyes. His mom was from Sweden.” She babbled on and I already regretted getting into this conversation. I really didn’t want to hear about her perfect ex. “He just graduated from UT Austin, and he is starting the MBA program at Penn in the fall. He’s not that smart, though, so I’m not really sure how he got in, but I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that his father donated a few million to ensure he was accepted.”

“Nice.” I knew I sounded irritated, but I couldn’t help it. The more she spoke, the more I realized that this could go nowhere. I couldn’t take her anywhere fancy, I’d never be able to buy myself into a grad program. Shit, my brother wouldn’t even be able to go to community college next semester if I didn’t come up with a plan to make some money.

“Sorry.” She looked at me, worried. “I know that was too much information. Basically we dated for about two months and then I found out he had a cocaine problem and I dumped him.”

“I see. Did you sleep with him?”

“We messed around.” She looked down. “Though we never had intercourse.”

“Do you still talk to him?”

“Not really, but he does call me every now and then to hang out.”

“Okay.” My voice was short and I turned away from her to look at the sunflowers. The warmth of the sun on my face soothed me a little bit as we stood there in silence, and I was thankful Maddie didn’t try and ask me what was wrong. I was overwhelmed with unfamiliar emotions, and I was already worried enough as it was. I really didn’t need this additional stress. But somehow standing here calmed me. I felt like my mom was looking down from heaven, telling me to just relax and take it one day at a time, like she used to when I was a kid. I turned to Maddie and smiled. “When I was a kid, my mom always used to tell me that I looked like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders. And that one day, if I wasn’t careful, the load was going to be too much to bear and I would collapse. She always said if it starts feeling like it’s too much, just look around you, Logan. Just stop and go somewhere and look around you. And then, for a moment, everything will seem manageable.”

“Is that why you like going to fields?”

“And to the pier.” I nodded. “I love the ocean, it reminds me of myself.”

“Oh?”

“The ocean is deceptive. Some days it looks calm and peaceful, and other days it looks dark and murky. Yet you never really know what’s going on underneath. What are the currents like, the undertow, the waves? I feel like I’m the ocean to a lot of people, they don’t really see me. They see what they want to see.”

“What do most people see?”

“People see me as dangerous and stay away, and I don’t mind that. Sometimes, there are people who see me as dangerous but like the thrill of danger.”

“You mean girls?”

“Yeah.” I nodded, thinking of all the girls I had dated who liked me just because of who they thought I was. How I hadn’t cared how they saw me, they were disposable and weak and stupid.

“But what about those who see you the other way …”

“There aren’t any people who see me that other way.” I laughed harshly. “Aside from my brothers.”

“I see you the other way.”

My heart stilled at her words. The words I knew to be true. Maddie saw me as someone other than the town’s bad boy. But I didn’t feel as overjoyed as I had earlier. There was nothing I could give Maddie.

“All I will do is bring heartache and trouble to your life, Maddie.”

“I can deal with trouble.”

“You don’t need to be involved in trouble.”

“You don’t know everything about me, Logan.”

“And you don’t know everything about me. This will never work between us.”

“I thought we were just friends.”

“We are just friends.” I sighed. “But that’s all we can be.”

“Even though we both like each other?”

“Like is a fickle emotion, it will fade.”

“Can you tell me why you just won’t give me a chance?”