Everlasting Sin (Everlasting Sin #1)(23)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“She was driving drunk. She was irresponsible.” Eden grabbed my shoulders. “Look at me, Riley. This wasn’t our fault. She should have known better. She shouldn’t have driven drunk.”

“I know.” I felt sick to my stomach and rolled away from her. “Do you think I can be by myself right now?” I whispered. “I don’t feel well.”

“Okay.” Eden stood up, and I listened to her as she walked to the door. “You can’t blame yourself, Riley. You didn’t know.”

I lay there for about thirty minutes, staring at the wall blankly. My brain was void of thoughts and my heart was void of emotion as I thought back to that night again.

Dead, dead, dead. I could still hear the words in my ears. So unfamiliar, so unreal. How could she die? She wasn’t supposed to die. She was supposed to ask someone for a ride home. She wasn’t supposed to drive drunk.

My stomach started churning as I allowed myself to go down the dark road of that night again. The one night that had been the best and worst of my life. I closed my eyes and pictured Hudson’s face, so handsome, so caring, and so loving. He’d loved me. I knew that now. He’d always loved me. Once upon a time. And I’d loved him. How could I not? He’d been my protector, my friend, the boy who’d taught me to kiss. The boy who’d always cared about me.

And he was handsome. Oh was he handsome. When I looked at him, my heart did a million flips. I could barely control my breathing when I was close to him. I’d dreamed of him for years. I’d always wanted a chance. Waited for him to realize he wanted me. And then he’d brought Clara with him. Clara, a beautiful, wonderful girl. Clara, who was to become the first girlfriend of his that I had ever met. I’d hated her on sight. How could I not? How could you not hate the woman who was with the boy you’d always wanted? But I’d tried to hide my hate. And I’d tried to stay away from him.

Until that last night. That last night I’d had a shot of vodka and gained some liquid courage. That night I’d thrown caution to the wind. And it had been marvelous. Making love to Hudson had set my heart and body on fire; I’d never known it could be like that. So sweet and hot and sexual. I hadn’t known that there were tastes and feelings that could make my body pulse with such pleasure that I didn’t want it to end. And I hadn’t wanted it to end.

As I had lain in his arms, soaking him in, I hadn’t wanted the night to end. And that was why I’d deleted the text messages. I could still see them clearly. The messages and the missed calls. “Hudson, come pick me up at the bar. I’m drunk.”

I hadn’t even hesitated as I’d pressed delete so quickly and casually. I wasn’t going to let her ruin my night. It was supposed to be our night. It was supposed to be about me and Hudson. I didn’t want him to feel guilty. I didn’t want him to think about her. He was going to dump her. He didn’t love her.

I’d been childish and selfish and jealous, but it didn’t even matter because I had still lost Hudson. And I’d cost Clara her life. And the guilt of what I’d done continued to consume me. I knew I needed to tell Hudson the truth. He had to know that it was my fault that Clara was dead. I was the reason he hadn’t gone to pick her up. Only I was scared. I was scared that not only would Hudson stop talking to me forever, but that he would hate me forever as well.

Chapter 11

Hudson

Present Day

I sat at the back of the bus by myself. I was angry that Riley had shown up, but I tried to tell myself I didn’t care. I’d made a mistake kissing her the other day. I shouldn’t have kissed her. I’d seen the look of shock in her eyes. The fear and the pain. She was disgusted by me. She probably thought I couldn’t keep it in my pants. I was like every other guy. I let sex guide me. I let lust guide me. I wasn’t an honorable man. I was a killer.

I clenched my fist as I sat back, watching Riley laughing and talking with Justin. Though, I was glad it wasn’t Channing. I would have killed Channing if he even thought about talking to her. She looked beautiful of course. When she’d arrived, she’d given me a scared look, as if she’d thought I was going to shout at her and tell her to leave. I’d been angry to see her of course. However, another part of me had been excited. Really excited.

I listened to her laugh, and a part of me was warmed by the sound. I groaned softly to myself. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t be near her. I didn’t deserve to be.

I closed my eyes and tried not to stare at Riley like some creep. Instead, images of her filled my brain—images of happier moments in time.

***

“Hudson, wanna go fishing?” Riley’s ten-year-old voice was eager as she walked into my room.

I shook my head. “Not really.”

“Oh.” She came and sat on my bed. “What are you doing?”

“I’m studying.” I sighed, not wanting to be bothered by her.

“What are you studying?”

“Botany,” I lied.

“What’s that?” She made a face and reached for my book.

“Plant stuff.” I grabbed my book up to my chest. “Why don’t you go and bother Eden?” I snapped.

“What?” She frowned and looked at me with sad eyes.

“Nothing,” I sighed, feeling bad but still holding my book close to my chest.

“Why are you so mean?”

“Why are you so annoying?”

“Because I’m the boss.”

“Boss of who?” She looked around.

“The boss of you. Duh.”

“You’re not the boss of me.”

“Yeah, I am.” I raised an eyebrow. “Go and get me some water.”

“No.” She shook her head.

“Go and get some water and I’ll take you fishing.”

“Really?” She looked at me eagerly.

“Yeah,” I grinned at her. “Sure.”

“Okay.” She jumped off of the bed, ran to the door, and stopped.

“Go and get me my water, minion.” I laughed and lay back. “I told you I’m the boss.”

“I saw the boob in your botany book.” She raised an eyebrow at me and grinned. “Happy studying, Hudson.” She giggled and ran out of the room as my face went red.

Shit! I threw the book and the Playboy magazine it was supposed to be hiding on my bed.

“Riley!” I screamed as I ran out of my room.

“Yes, boss?”