Everlasting Sin (Everlasting Sin #1)(24)
Author: J.S. Cooper

“Don’t tell my mom.” I glared at her as she giggled. She was a pain in the ass.

“Yes, boss.”

“Stop calling me boss.”

“Yes, boss.”

“You’re so annoying.” I glared at her. “Don’t tell anyone or I’ll never take you fishing again.”

“Uh huh.” She smiled, and I rubbed the top of her head and walked back to my room.

***

I opened my eyes then, feeling sad. I missed having Riley in my life. She’d always been a pain in the ass, but she’d always been someone close to my heart. I supposed in a way it had been inevitable that we fell in love. She’d always had a piece of my heart from the very first time I’d met her.

I watched as Riley turned her head slightly and looked at me, and I looked away quickly. I sat there for a few seconds and then looked back to the front. Riley was no longer looking at me, but Channing’s gaze was on me with a knowing look. It took everything I had to not get up and punch the smug look off his face.

This weekend was supposed to be about bonding, and while I had no intentions of bonding with Channing, I didn’t want to let anyone know that before we’d even arrived at the campsite.

I sighed as I realized that I was going to have to interact with Riley once we got there. There was no way I could just ignore her. I had to learn to get a handle on my emotions and feelings. I had to be prepared for the looks I was sure she would be getting from every guy on the trip. I knew that there was no way that all the other guys would be able to ignore her. She was beautiful and nice and kind and sexy.

I jumped up and walked to the front of the bus, before I could stop myself.

I tapped Riley on the shoulder. “Hey.”

She looked at me in surprise. “Hi.” Her eyes were curious, and I saw a flash of excitement in them, but she didn’t smile at me.

“I was wondering if we could talk.”

She frowned. “You want to talk to me?”

“That’s what I said,” I huffed, annoyed that she hadn’t gotten up already.

“What about?”

“Yeah, what about, Batman?” Justin chimed in, and I tried my hardest to keep my mouth shut. I liked Justin and didn’t want to have to smack him.

“Riley.” I said her name softly, and she gazed up into my eyes. We stared at each other for a few seconds and then she stood up.

“Fine.” She followed me to the back of the bus, and I heard Justin shouting after us.

“Don’t leave me, Riley,” he sang out, and a couple of the guys laughed.

“So?” She sat down in the back next to me, and I could see the question in her eyes.

“I wanted to just say hey.” I shrugged, feeling inadequate.

“You could have said hey while I was at the front.”

“I thought we could talk.”

“About what?” She leaned back and looked at me expectantly.

“Maybe we can be friends?” I felt awkward saying the words. This was a girl I loved. This was the girl whose virginity I had taken, yet here I was, asking her to be friends like we were strangers.

“Sure.” She nodded and looked down.

“I’m sorry for ignoring you the other day.”

“You already told me that.”

“I’m sorry that I told you to leave.”

“I understand why.”

“I’m sorry I kissed you.”

“I’m not,” she whispered, and I looked at her in shock. My heart started beating fast as she stared into my eyes.

“Sorry, what?”

“I’m not sorry you kissed me.” She bit her lower lip, and I could see the confusion in her eyes. “It was nice.”

“Riley,” I groaned. I didn’t need this right now. I didn’t want her to tell me that she’d enjoyed kissing me. I couldn’t hear that.

“Hudson.” Her voice cracked. “It’s not your fault that Clara died.” She stared into my eyes, and in that instant, I felt like I was back at the scene. She had the same look in her eyes that I’d had when we saw the cops outside the house.

I was ashamed of the first thoughts I’d had when I’d seen the cops. I was mad. I was mad that our perfect evening was being ruined. I’d wanted it to be so special. I’d wanted every moment of it to be picture perfect. But of course, how could it have been? I’d been a guy with a girlfriend. It didn’t matter that I’d been about to end it. The fact was that I hadn’t ended it, yet I had still slept with Riley.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I shook my head, and she grabbed my hand.

“I need to tell you something.” Her voice cracked and I shook my head again.

“No. This isn’t the time.”

“Do you hate me?” Her voice drifted into my ears, and it felt so strange to hear it. I’d grown up listening to that voice, but now it sounded distant. It was surreal.

“I could never hate you.” I took her hand in mine. “You know that, right? You’ll always be my little squirt.”

“You just stopped talking to me.”

“I’m sorry.” I sat back and took a deep breath. “I took advantage of you. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“You didn’t take advantage of me.”

“I never should have encouraged you to skinny dip.”

“Hudson, stop it.” She shook her head angrily. “I wanted you to.”

“I should have waited. I should have made it more special. It wasn’t right. We shouldn’t have made love that night.”

“So you regret it?”

“Yes.” I nodded and stared into her eyes. “I regret it.”

A dart of pain shot through me as I lied. This is why you’re evil and destined for hell, Hudson, an inner voice said to me. You don’t regret it at all. You’ve never regretted it. It’s the only thing that makes you happy. It’s the memory you look back at when you feel down and depressed.

Making love to Riley was the highlight of my life. That night was everything to me. I held it close to my heart. It made me feel. And I lived with that guilt every single day of my life. The best moment of my life happened right before Clara died. And I just couldn’t live with myself for that.

“I see.” Her voice cracked and she jumped up.

“Where are you going?” I grabbed her arm, loath to see her walk away.

“I’m going back to my seat.”