If Forever Comes (Take This Regret #2)(32)
Author: A.L. Jackson

I moved to sit in a chair beside Elizabeth’s bed. I rested my elbows on my thighs with my hands dangling between my knees. I just gave Elizabeth time, because that was the only thing I had to give.

Elizabeth’s mother came and went, touched my cheek as she passed.

Hours passed, and the sun slowly rose on what was supposed to be our wedding day.

And still I reeled, my thoughts unable to catch up to this savage reality.

All off it… I dropped my head toward the ground and buried my face in my hands. I could bear none of it.

There was a soft knock at the door. It opened so slowly, and I looked up just as my mother emerged. Tears stained her cheeks, her vivid blue eyes dimmed with the same agony that held my heart. She stood there, biting at her bottom lip as another round of tears streamed down her face. Her attention locked onto Elizabeth, who rocked the child, unwilling to let her go.

She approached, almost cautious, and eased down to sit on the edge of the bed. With her palm, she touched Elizabeth’s face and drew it up to meet her own.

God, I had to look away. What was held in Elizabeth’s expression tore me apart. She was shattered. Swollen, dark bags hung beneath her eyes. Those eyes were red, glassy, dazed, as if she couldn’t make sense of this any more than I could. In all of it was agony.

Mom brushed her hair back and kissed her forehead. “You brave, wonderful girl,” she said as she held Elizabeth by the chin, sitting back as her head drifted to the side. She never broke connection with the grief flowing from Elizabeth’s gaze.

Finally she turned her attention to Lillie and, with her palm, cupped her tiny head. “Look at her…she’s beautiful.” Sorrow clotted her words, and she ran her thumb along the span of her forehead. “I know you don’t need me to tell you this, but don’t let anyone try to convince you this child is anything less than your daughter.”

Mom unfolded an old blanket that she pulled from a bag and draped it across our child. “This belongs to her.”

Elizabeth choked over a sob.

I averted my gaze to the ceiling. God, this was excruciating. Brutal.

Then she rose, touched her little hand, then placed another kiss to Elizabeth’s head, let it linger like an embrace.

She turned and kissed me in almost the same way as she’d done Elizabeth, with actions that were full of understanding, with sympathy that I wasn’t sure I could bear.

Then she quietly slipped out of the room.

Elizabeth’s sister, Sarah, came in with the same result. Just more f**king sorrow heaped into this room that was becoming harder and harder to bear.

I yanked at my hair, feeling like I was seconds from losing my mind. I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t. I didn’t want to. I wanted my daughter. I wanted Elizabeth to become my wife. I wanted to make this right.

And Elizabeth just held her, rocked her and kissed her and f**king talked to her.

Finally I couldn’t take it any longer. “I’ll be right back,” I said.

I stumbled down the hall and found my way into the men’s restroom that was just as f**king unbearably cold as the rest of the rooms of this godforsaken place. In its reprieve, I grabbed for the counter to hold myself up as I looked in the mirror. I was haggard. Black hair stuck up in every direction and dark circles sat prominent beneath my dismal eyes.

Anger shook me, and I clung to the edge of the counter as I bent at the waist.

How could this have happened? How? Today, Elizabeth was supposed to become my wife, and instead, we were here.

My head pounded with the pain, with the constant flashes of the life we were supposed to lead.

I turned as if I’d find escape, but just faced a wall. I dropped my forearms to it and rested my forehead against it, holding myself up as it all came crashing down.

“Fuck,” I cried. My fist slammed into the hard, cold tile just beside my head. Pain splintered my bones, but it didn’t come close to touching the pain that ravaged me in places I didn’t know existed.

Ruined.

Destroyed.

Never had I believed anything could hurt this bad.

Hopelessness came barreling into my consciousness where it firmly took root.

I gasped for air.

But there was none to be found.

I forced myself to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. I couldn’t do this. I knew Elizabeth needed me. I staggered back out into the hall.

Matthew leaned up against the wall outside of Elizabeth’s room. His steady gaze met mine as I approached him. I dropped my eyes. Too many emotions tumbled through me, welling up and threatening to burst free.

He straightened as I approached, then pulled me in for a hug, just a clap on the back before something seemed to hit him, and his arms constricted around my shoulders. He hugged me hard.

“I’m sorry, Christian.” He stepped back and looked to the far wall, rushed the back of his hand beneath one eye as he sniffled. “Fuck…I can’t believe this happened. I don’t even know what to say to you right now.”

My chest tightened. I wondered if it’d always been this hard to breathe. “You don’t need to say anything.”

He turned to me with a nod, as if he perfectly grasped my meaning. Then he fixed his attention on me. “Elizabeth’s Mom went back to our house to be with Lizzie, so Natalie could come over here. We were able to keep Lizzie satisfied last night, but she knows something’s up. I can tell she’s scared. She’s starting to ask a bunch of questions and is whining. She’s just not acting like herself. Do you want me or Natalie to talk to her?”

I shook my head as I stared at the gleaming white floor. “No. They’re supposed to release Elizabeth a little later. Let me get her home and then I’ll come and get Lizzie, okay? I want to be the one to tell her.”

“Okay…I’ll just let her know you’ll be there to get her in a little while.”

“I appreciate you looking out for her.”

“Of course, Christian. Whatever you guys need…anything…just let us know.” He ran a shaky hand over his head and down his neck. “I’m going to get back to the house, relieve Elizabeth’s mom for a little while so she can come back over here.”

“Thank you,” I said sincerely.

“Please…Christian…please…don’t let them take her.” She was frantic, flailing.

I pinned her arms down, spoke close to her face. “Baby, it’s time…you have to let her go.”

“No!” She struggled against me, her cries like f**king torment beating against my ears.