Shame (Ruin #3)(19)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

He’d ruined my life, my career, everything that night, and I knew my only saving grace was disappearing, pulling out of the public eye and pretending to be something and someone different.

He couldn’t hurt me if I was Lisa.

But as Mel?

I might as well have jumped off that bridge with him.

I squared my shoulders and forced the morbid thoughts out of my head. Tonight I was safe, but that didn’t mean I wasn’t going to check under my bed, in the closet, and also make sure my phone was right on my nightstand just in case.

Feeling silly that I’d locked the door from the one guy trying to protect me, I unlocked it just before slipping out of my dress and crawling under the covers.

The mattress was like lying on my own giant goose, you know, minus all the internal parts. I sighed longingly into the fluffy pillow and let myself sleep, knowing I wouldn’t have to worry about creepy packages being sent to my dorm or opening mail…

But tomorrow? Tomorrow was another story completely.

Tristan… I smiled when I thought of his kiss. For one night, it was nice to escape… one forbidden night.

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

Videos of shame were my idea, my golden child. I’d started it in order to entertain myself. It quickly turned into a blog, and I gained a following so quick it was near impossible to run on my own. I needed recruits. Needed people willing to do the dirty within the circles of the rich and famous. Because this website? It wasn’t about picking on the strong, but picking on those who came from money, those who could take it, those who thought the world owed them something just because of who they were. Sound a bit hypocritical? Oh you have no idea. I needed someone sexy, someone who knew how to get people to do things… someone who was just as bored as I. When she walked into the room that night, eyes distant, heart heavy, I knew I had her. Besides what’s the best way to nurse a broken heart? Revenge. It’s always revenge. —The Journal of Taylor B.

Tristan

I WAS A COMPLETE jackass. Touching her hadn’t been part of the deal. Hadn’t I not but a few minutes ago decided to just leave her alone? Why couldn’t I make that choice and stick with it? I’d always been solid with decisions, able to will myself toward any choice, and do it without emotion. Apparently that’s what made me… what? Sick? In need of medication? And apparently it’s what had killed him; that same side of me that was able to totally separate emotions from decisions.

If dead men could tell tales, I wondered what his would be about his emotions? All I had was the journal; all I had was the sneaking suspicion we were exactly alike — cold, ruthless, easily able to manipulate to get what we wanted. It made me a damn good businessman. But when it came to relationships? Not so much.

But with Lisa? I truly had no control; the madness she created in me stirred parts of my soul that I hadn’t even known existed until now. What the hell was I supposed to do? Leave her alone? Kiss her? Walk away?

I was stuck.

Walking away meant I’d given up a few months of my real life for nothing. It also meant giving in to my absolute worst fear. It meant not avenging his death. It meant too many horrible things.

But staying? Staying meant I’d be fighting my carnal nature every step of the way. It meant every time she smiled I’d have to ignore the way it stirred me. It meant that, when she entered the room, I had to ignore the fact that her perfume practically choked me into submission.

I tossed and turned in bed as my clock mocked my inability to fall asleep. Around two a.m. I almost went downstairs to make coffee.

Instead, a scream jolted me fully awake.

My heart thumped against my chest. Was it my imagination? I waited, the sound of crickets the only noise, until another scream of terror erupted.

I flew out of bed and ran down the hall until I reached her door. When I pushed it open, Lisa was tossing in bed, her short hair spilling across the pillow and her face scrunched up in fear. Tears streamed down her face, but her eyes were still closed.

“Lisa?” I whispered.

Another tremor hit her body. She jerked in her sleep then started hitting the pillow with her hand. “No, stop, don’t jump. Please don’t jump.”

My balance took a hit as I gripped the wall to keep me steady. Was this another piece of the puzzle? Was she talking about him? Or was it just a dream?

“No!” she wailed. “Stop! Please stop!”

Not able to take it anymore, I made my way to the bed and gently sat down next to her shivering body. Speaking in as calm a voice I could manage, I said, “Lisa, you’re having a nightmare. It’s okay. Wake up.”

She jerked in her sleep again, whimpering as if she was getting beat. She covered her face and then started full-on sobbing.

I gripped her hands and pulled them free and braced myself for impact, knowing full well she’d probably attack me as she woke up.

“Lisa!” I shook her wrists. “Wake up!”

Her eyes jerked open; they were so wide they could have swallowed me whole. With a cry, she lunged for me and threw her weight against me.

Cursing, I fell off the bed, Lisa on top of me, her legs bracing me on either side.

“Lisa!” I tried shaking her again.

She shook her head. A frenzied look crossed her face, and then she slumped against me. Recognition flashed quickly followed by embarrassment. “Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry! I’m so… I normally don’t make habits of assaulting people in my sleep!”

I smiled, even though the last thing I was feeling was amused. More like extremely hard-pressed not to flip her onto her back and kiss some calm into her. Then again, that wouldn’t calm me and would probably earn more terror on her end. “It’s fine.” I let out an exhale of relief. “I don’t normally make a habit of barging in on my guests. It’s just… I thought there was an intruder.”

She grinned, the tears streaking against her smooth cheeks. “And you normally make a habit of attacking intruders in your black silk boxers?”

My body demanded I respond to that particular statement. Instead, I winked. “Yeah, well, my labeled bat was downstairs, so I figured scaring them with my expensive boxers was the next best thing.”

She pulled away, still straddling me, placing her hands on her hips and looking down. “Absolutely terrifying.”

“Yeah,” I said gruffly, telling my body to calm the hell down. “Glad I served my purpose.”

Every muscle was taut, so much so that it was hard to breathe. I doubt she realized her eyes were still trained on my abs. I thanked every lucky star I had. Black silk boxers didn’t exactly cover a multitude of sins.