Shame (Ruin #3)(53)
Author: Rachel Van Dyken

“So… everywhere.”

She said nothing.

“I’ll have to fix that.” I tilted her chin toward my lips. “I’ll have to make new memories with those lips… and make sure that nothing touches your skin that isn’t good, that doesn’t feel good. And, Lisa, if you ever say no, I’ll stop… you need to know that. I want you. I want you so damn bad sometimes I think I’m actually going insane, but… my desire for you will never trump your need for me to go slow. Understand?”

Tears pooled in her eyes as she whispered, “Kiss me again.”

I kissed her mouth, then her neck, slowly blazing a trail back down to that shoulder I couldn’t get enough of. And when her sweatshirt restricted me, I peeled it off her body, revealing a tight white tank top. With a curse, I sat back and stared. “You’re beautiful.”

“When you say things like that, and look at me…” She gulped. “…in that way, you make me feel like you mean it.”

“I do mean it, Lisa.”

Her eyes flickered away from mine, as if the topic of her beauty made her uncomfortable.

“Lisa…” I shook my head. “…would I lie to you? To your face?”

A ghost of a smile appeared across her lips. “No, you’ve been pretty honest.”

And in that moment I almost told her everything. Because I had been honest… about every aspect of my life — except one.

“Let me rephrase that.” I back-peddled a bit. “Do you believe me when I tell you I find you gorgeous?”

Her eyes met mine. “Yeah. I think so.”

“Not good enough.” I stood and pulled the shirt off my body, followed by my pants.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” Lisa moved to her knees in front of me.

“Proving a point.” I stripped all the way down until I was completely naked. “I can’t hide from you.” I lifted my arms into the air. “It would be impossible to hide my body’s reaction… by just looking at you… I’m like this. By just looking at you, every single muscle in my body is tight. Just watching your smile, concentrating on those gorgeous blue eyes, and I forget everything except you. Your taste, your lips, your mouth.” I moved to the floor. “My body can’t lie…” I kissed her softly. “And believe me when I say I’m not lying with my words. In here…” I tapped her chest. “…you’re beautiful. Out here…” I caressed her cheek. “…you’re impossible not to stare at. To me you’re perfect.”

Her breathing picked up speed as she leaned in, her mouth barely meeting mine before she whispered, “Show me.”

My body about set itself on fire as I met her lips in a frenzy. With a whimper, she straddled me, her body exactly where I wanted her, sans clothes. The kiss was hard, aggressive. Teeth knocked. Tongues collided. I couldn’t keep my hands off her as I helped her out of her tank top, even though, somewhere in the back of my mind, I was trying to tell myself to stop.

I couldn’t stop.

I didn’t want to.

I wanted to exorcise every part of him from her consciousness. I wanted to mark her. With a moan, I slid my mouth down her throat and bit softly where her skin met her shoulder. Her head tilted back, allowing me to trail kisses down her chest.

“Your mouth feels so good.” She moaned. “So good.”

“Good?” I laughed, drawing lazy circles with my tongue down the center of her chest. “Pretty sure I’d rather be great. Good is what you get for participating in a race you never won… and pretty sure, at the end of this, I don’t just want a participation ribbon but a damn trophy.” With that, I flicked my tongue across her bra then tugged it off. “Beautiful.”

She moved her arms. But I held them firm at her sides.

“No, Lisa. Let me look at you.”

She ducked her head.

I stared.

I stared hard and finally realized I’d never get my fill. I tilted my head and plundered her mouth again, this time with such slow strokes — tasting, biting, memorizing. Her lips molded against mine perfectly, making me forget that I was supposed to have control. Making me regret I even knew the word.

“Please.” Lisa pressed her mouth together against me as her body shifted against mine.

I reached for her jeans.

My hands hovered across the buttons. And I hesitated. I hesitated enough to allow logic to trickle in.

If she didn’t know… and I took this from her…

She wouldn’t just hate me. She’d never forgive me.

“We can’t…” Who the hell was that lunatic speaking out of my mouth?

Lisa jerked away from me, but I grabbed her arms again.

“Lisa, look at me.” I gripped her chin lightly. “Let me earn your trust first. Let me earn more of it. Let me date you. It’s been three weeks. I want more than one more week with you or a one-night stand. Let me be the gentleman tonight.”

“I don’t want you to be the gentleman.”

“Yeah, but, Lisa, I think that’s exactly what you truly crave. Not the adrenaline soul-pounding quickie in front of the fireplace, but the type of lovemaking that lasts for hours… days. The type you experience only once in a lifetime, only when you truly give yourself over to someone. It’s what I want with you.”

She nodded her head and slowly got off my lap. I quickly slid on my boxers and put on a shirt.

“Sleep with me tonight,” I offered.

“But…”Lisa shook her head. “…you just said?”

“In my room,” I corrected. “Like one of our totally harmless slumber parties that ends up being completely acceptable because I don’t actually take advantage of you.”

“Will you make popcorn again?”

I grinned. “Tell you what. It’s a little cold. You know where my room is. Turn on the fireplace, get comfortable in bed, and I’ll be up in a few minutes with your popcorn.”

“Smothered.” She added, pointing at me.

“I remember.” I exhaled and looked away. “You’re killing me, by the way. I hope you know. Go put a top on before I forget that great speech I just gave you.”

Laughing, she nodded and picked her discarded clothing off the floor. “Alright… I’ll just steal one of yours to sleep in.”

“Do that, by all means. Then I’ll just be more turned on by the sight of you in one of my labeled shirts.”