Come to Me Softly (Closer to You #2)(81)
Author: A.L. Jackson

I tossed the shovel to the ground. “Yeah, that’d be good.”

I began to turn when he set his hand on my shoulder to stop me. “Hey, if you need anything, you know you don’t have to hesitate to ask? If something’s eating at you, just say it.”

“Nah, man,” I said, shucking my gloves. “It’s nothing you can change. I’ve just got to deal with some shit right now.”

Internally I scoffed. Deal with? How the f**k was I dealing with this? That was the problem. I wasn’t dealing. Not at f**king all. I was just wallowing because I didn’t know how to fix this.

I wouldn’t go back, not when all I would do would be to end up hurting her.

Not for a second did I blame her for cutting me loose. After what I’d done, I wouldn’t have stayed. Aly deserved so much more than that, that perfect girl who loved and gave and f**king believed in me when I was nothing but a monster lurking in the shadows.

And I hated the monster in me.

The part that was vicious and vile. The part I couldn’t control, no matter how desperately I wanted to.

But the truth was, I was a little bit pissed at her, too. Her betrayal throbbed, cut me straight to the core.

I wanted to claw my eyes out because that little piece of yellow paper with the address on it was all I could see. It’d been ingrained deep in the recesses of my mind, seared into my memory, glaring and clear.

Like Aly’d managed to set the man I ruined right in front of me.

Another reminder of what I’d done. Another life I’d destroyed. Another heart I’d broken.

He’d loved her, and I’d stolen his world.

He’d loved my mom the way I loved Aly. I knew it. And the thought of losing Aly that way. Nausea turned my stomach and I squeezed my eyes against the thought. I couldn’t even imagine.

Now I could feel his eyes watching me, judging me like he’d done the night I’d stolen the Ramirezes’ car, when I’d had the intention of ending it all but instead Aly had been there, saving me from my own destruction. He’d stood over me in that hospital bed after I’d been arrested, staring down at me with condemnation and outright hate.

I’d never hated myself more than in that moment, when he’d looked down on me like the piece of shit I knew I was.

Then he turned his back and walked away.

Somewhere inside me I’d harbored the idea that one day he’d try to find me. The f**ked-up thing was that for a long time I’d longed for it. I’d just needed to hear him say he forgave me.

But never once had I heard a word. Not a sign of life from him.

Because I knew I’d stolen his too.

Kenny squeezed my shoulder, his expression genuine. “Just . . . if you need something, say it, okay?”

I swallowed hard. “No, I’m good, I don’t need anything.”

Biggest lie ever. I needed Aly.

He frowned and turned to walk away.

In the distance, a pickup truck approached, the roar of the engine cut above the high whine of power tools. I glanced over my shoulder to catch the dust flying as it barreled onto the work site. Edging off the dirt road, it came to a sudden stop on the other side of the barricades.

Christopher was here.

A blink of fear flashed through my entire being.

Aly.

I fisted my hand in my hair. My mind rapid-fired, flitting through every possibility. Ones where Aly was hurt and I wasn’t there for her when I was supposed to be.

Then I caught sight of Christopher’s face when he jumped from the cab. He slammed the door shut behind him. Fury ignited his path as he flew around the front of the truck and made a beeline for me. Black hair stuck up every f**king which way, and he was wearing tattered jeans and a wrinkled printed tee.

There was nothing casual in his posture.

He was pissed. Fucking livid.

Aggression radiated from him, sucking all the oxygen from the air. He kicked up dirt as he tore across the lot. Nearing, he only picked up speed. He didn’t slow when he launched himself at me. He rammed me in the chest before he reached for my shirt and fisted it in his enraged hands. He shoved me back. His face contorted with some emotion I’d never seen him wear before. “You f**king idiot,” he seethed.

I stumbled. My work boots skidded over the rocky ground. I popped back up, catching my footing. I shook myself off and spread my arms wide in invitation. My mouth pinched up in a sneer, just f**king begging him for it. For him to give me all he had because my body ached to take it, to feel the pain of what I’d inflicted.

I was never one to deny what I deserved.

Hostility vibrated through his bones. My oldest friend bounced on the balls of his feet, visibly shaking with disgust. He pointed at me. “You promised me. You f**king promised me you weren’t going anywhere.”

Guilt squeezed my lungs. I’d been spewing that shit for so long, making promises I should have known I couldn’t keep, I’d convinced myself into believing they were the truth.

But that was the problem. I wanted them to be.

“You think I left because I wanted to?” I shot back. “I left because that’s what your sister wants.”

And because it was best for her.

He scoffed. “You think this is what my sister really wants? For you to take off again? She’s f**king miserable without you, Jared. Worried sick. She wants you home. But what she doesn’t want is some loose cannon who’ll lose his shit at the drop of a dime and tear his house apart.”

Shame beat at my heart and pulsed through my veins. Agitated, I shifted on my feet and roughed a hand over the top of my head. That rock tightened in my throat. “But I am that guy. What happened Saturday night was just proof of it. I’m no good for her, Christopher. You and I both know that.”

“Huh,” he huffed, like he was completely confused. Ridicule flashed in his eye. “Funny how for months you’ve been working your ass off to prove you were good enough for her.”

Our conversation from New Year’s Eve echoed in my ear.

“Guess you were right,” I whispered through a pained breath. “It made me dangerous.”

“Don’t go twisting my words, Jared. You know that’s not what I said.”

“Doesn’t mean it’s not true.”

Christopher’s eyes made a pass over the job site. I could feel my crew behind me. All of them were on edge, at the ready to have my back. “So where’ve you been hiding your pathetic ass while my sister sits at home terrified you’re going to jump off the deep end?” he asked, all blunt and like he had the right to know.