Wreck Me (Nova #4)(17)
Author: Jessica Sorensen

He stares at me with the same eyes that belong to his father and I loathe myself for momentarily flinching at that factor.

“Then why did it happen?” he asks.

“Because sometimes grownups make mistakes too.”

“Then maybe you made a mistake by making him leave.”

One…

Two…

Three…

Breathe.

“That wasn’t a mistake, sweetie. Your father and I… We weren’t happy together.” I reach back and pat his leg. “But it doesn’t mean we don’t love you any less.”

“Then why doesn’t he come see me then?” Mason asks with false hope, the same false hope I used to carry when I was his age and told myself that one day my father would come back for me and save me from the crack-whore house I lived in. Then Conner showed up and for a fleeting, stupid moment I thought he was there to save me instead.

Boy, was I wrong.

“Mason, there’s more to it than that.” I search for a way to explain to him without telling him about why his father went to jail and that he doesn’t see him now because of the restraining order.

Mason folds his arms and turns his head away from me, scowling. “Yeah, because you won’t let me see him.”

“Mason, that’s not…” I stop myself. “Me and your daddy both love you.”

“That’s not true!” he cries with tears streaming down his cheeks. “Just leave me alone! It’s all your fault he left!”

My scars.

They burn.

Like fire.

Like the stars.

It’s not like this is the first time Mason has asked questions about his dad or cried over his absence. He did that even before Conner and I got a divorce. But it doesn’t make seeing his tears any less difficult. What it does do is make me feel like the shittiest mom in the world.

What do I do?

Tell him the ugly truth?

Scar him too?

In the end, I tell him it’s going to be okay then listen to his tears as I drive back home, trying not to remember the path that led me here. But I painfully do and it makes me feel like the guiltiest mother on earth.

Everything once seemed so full of possibilities…

And now I have no idea where to go.

A little over five years earlier…

Chapter 6

This feels like a dream.

Avery

I’m having fun. Yes, I, Avery Hensley, am having fun. I thought it would never happen and most days I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m not sure if life is supposed to feel like this when it’s good or if it’s just my dreamer side magnifying the sensation. It doesn’t matter, though, because for the first time in my life I feel happy and free. And not because my father came to my rescue—I’ve finally been able to give up on that dream now that I’m leaving my old life behind.

Leaving The Subs behind.

Leaving my mother.

And the blaring music and drugs.

“So what is it with the stars that gets you looking up at them every chance you get?” Conner asks me as he traces a finger along my jawline. “Is it because you’re planning our future?”

We’ve been going out for three months now and it’s been probably the three best months of my life. I spend fewer days at home, relaxing and having fun—how I’ve always wanted my life to be. And Conner, well he helped give that to me. He takes me out on dates all the time in his cars, to the movies, to dinner. I’ve even met his mother who seems really nice. I also found out that his dad hasn’t been around that much, which made that pull I felt toward Conner even more powerful. Plus we have plans. Of getting our own place someday. Going to college. Getting good jobs. It’s pretty much the same plan I’ve always had, only now it includes Conner.

I have to admit my most favorite time we spend together is when we go stargazing, like right now.

“I don’t know.” I roll over in the bed of his truck and look over at him. He’s lying on his back, languidly grinning at the starry night sky above us, with his arm draped across his forehead.  “Maybe. But what would our future say?”

He glances at me from the corner of his eye. “How about you tell me?”

“Well, we’ll continue doing just this until tomorrow,” I say as I sketch his scruffy cheekbone with my fingertip.

“And then what?”

“And then we’ll go to school and keep going to school until we graduate college.”

He cocks a brow at me. “But what if I don’t want to go to college right away?”

“You do. I know you well enough to know you want a good life, just like me,” I whisper then gently kiss his cheek. “You want to know what I want to do in the next thirty seconds, though.”

His smile turns darker than the night. “I have a couple of ideas.”

“Oh yeah? You think you know me that well?”

He lifts his head up but doesn’t kiss me, instead stopping an inch short. “I think I do.”

“Then what am I thinking right now?” I whisper, my gaze fixed on his eyes no matter how much it wants to drift to his lips.

“That I’m the most amazing person ever,” he teases then seals his mouth to mine, reading my mind perfectly. And that’s how we stay for what feels like hours, searching each other’s mouths under the stars, like we’ve done every Friday night for a couple of months now.

When he finally does come up for air, it’s not to stop or to pressure me to go further, but to tell me something.

“I love you, Avery,” he says, his fingers tangling through my hair as he peers up at me.

My heart ceases in my chest.

He loves me?

Loves me?

Do I love him?

Do I?

I have to, right? Conner is perfect, heading somewhere, and seems to want to bring me with him. He makes me smile when I’m sad. Takes me places I’ve never been before. Makes me happy. Makes everything feel like a dream instead of… life.

“I love you too,” I whisper back.

We start kissing again, only this time it turns into so much more. There’s no exchange of words agreeing to go further. Clothes just come off and our bodies unite.  Everything feels perfect, even when a storm rolls in and thunder starts to boom. We continue making love through the rainstorm, well into the morning. And everything, life—the world—feels…

Surreal.

Like a dream.

If it is, then never let me wake up.

Chapter 7

This feels like a nightmare.

Tristan

I’m lying in bed, high, when I hear the news. At first I wonder if I’ve lost my mind when my mother walks into my room because she’s looking right at me, like she all of a sudden sees me, and there’s no hate in her eyes, only sorrow. Then she opens her mouth and says something. At first I think I’ve heard her wrong. That somehow I’ve forgotten I took a hallucinogenic and what I’m hearing and seeing isn’t real, but a fucking nightmare my high brain is conjuring up.