Wreck Me (Nova #4)(44)
Author: Jessica Sorensen

The asshole I am.

The people I’ve hurt.

The loneliness.

The self-hatred.

Why did I have to wake up?

“You ready for this?” the woman asks as she positions a lighter below the spoon. “It’ll take all the pain away and then you can pay me for it later.” She bites her chapped lip as she says it, her glazed eyes drifting from my chest to the top of my jeans.

I think about the path I’ve taken. About my past or lack of one. I think about my life.

“And how exactly am I going to pay you?” I ask, even though I know it doesn’t really matter. That regardless of the cost, I’ll do it—always do.

She grins at me with her yellow teeth. “Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle with you.”

I have no attraction to this woman at all. Don’t care about her. Only about what she’s going to give me, which might make me the worst and shittiest person in the world—might make me… well, me.

When no reason to decline her offer comes to mind, I say, “All right, let’s do this.” Then I stare at the dripping ceiling as I extend my arm toward her and my addiction.

Moments later, I feel the sting as the needle pierces my flesh.

Then I drift in and out of reality as the woman kisses me, touches me, uses me to please herself. I’m barely coherent by the time she leaves my room. Feeling hollow and dead inside, disgusted with myself, there’s nothing left to do, but sink.

Deep into the darkness.

Toward rock bottom.

Not quite reaching it.

But knowing it has to be close.

Present day…

Chapter 19

The no wrecking rules.

Tristan

After that night in the alleyway, I never expected to see Avery again. I’d taken off with big plans of getting high so I could forget all about her. And forget who I was. Instead, I never made it that far and that hesitancy gave Avery just enough time to find me again. She, I’m discovering, is my weakness… strength to drugs.

I’m not sure what to think about the fact that she made the effort to track me down, what it means, other than she’s the only person who’s ever really looked for me before.

My parents once tried to find me while I was living in Vegas. I thought it was because they cared, but when they’d gotten me home after my overdose, I discovered it was because my mother was having a meltdown, and my father thought me being there would help her. Fix me, and he thought he could fix her. He was wrong. My mom needs more help than just a temporarily mended son. She needs… What she thinks she needs is Ryder back, but that’s not ever going to happen.

“So what are you thinking?” Avery asks me from across the table.

She brought me to a restaurant where the tables are outside beneath a canopy. A Pink Floyd song is playing from the stereo and the air smells like salt and sunshine. The freshness of it seems to help my killer headache, caused by binge drinking and thoughts of what’s going to happen if my neighbors come looking for the drugs.

I wasn’t lying to Avery when I said I have no idea how I got the bag of crystal, but I know enough about myself to understand I could have easily stolen it or promised to do something very bad in order to get it.

I glance down at the menu then back up at her. “That I’m not really a fan of seafood.”

She smiles as she reaches across the table and flips over the page of the menu. “Then check this section out.” She taps her finger on a heading that reads: For the non-seafood lover.

I can’t help smiling. “Seriously?” I scan over the menu. “Chicken. Hamburgers. Fries. Okay, that I can totally handle.”

“You should try the burrito,” she says. “It’s the magical cure for a hangover. I promise after one bite, you’ll be happy and smiling.”

“But I’m already smiling because of you,” I reply. “So wouldn’t that make you the magical cure to my hangover?” What the fuck is wrong with me?

She stares at me, unimpressed. “Are you really going to keep that up?”

“Keep what up?”

“That charming, pretty boy, flirty thing.”

“I honestly didn’t even realize I was doing it.” Well, kind of.

“Sure you didn’t,” she says doubtfully yet she’s grinning.

I grin back at her, feeling so much better than I did this morning. I have no clue how that’s possible. I’ve been so upset since I kissed her because it felt like so much more than a kiss to me.

I wanted it to be more.

Then came that thing I’m all too familiar with.

Rejection.

And sober, I can’t handle it.

Sober, I can’t handle much of anything.

Avery’s smile abruptly vanishes, and I feel my own dissipating. But before she can say anything, the waitress interrupts us to jot down our orders. I decide on the chicken, while Avery choses the hamburger and she divulges that she hates seafood too. The waitress jots down the order then turns to leave. She gets two steps away from the table before Avery’s attention locks on me.

“All right, we need to set some ground rules.” She shuts the menu that’s in front of her and folds her arms on top of it.

“Ground rules?” I ask as I reach for my glass of water.

She nods. “Yep, for us being friends.”

I restrain a smile. “So we’re friends?”

She points a finger at me, all serious and getting down to business. “Yes and this is very important, so pay attention.”

I’m trying not to laugh at her, but it’s really fucking hard because she looks so sexy being bossy. “All right, I’m all ears.”

“Good.” She begins to count down on her fingers. “The first and most important rule to our friendship is that what happened in the alleyway can never happen again.”

“You mean the kiss?” I aim to sound joking, but my displeasure shows.

“Don’t look at me like that,” she says with a deep sigh. “It has to be done in order for me to do this.”

“But what is this?” My lips wrap around the straw, and I sip my ice water before setting the glass back down. “Because I’m not sure I understand why you’re here sitting with me when you really don’t want to be.”

“No, I want to be. I really, really do. In fact, I think it might be imperative that you and I become good friends.” She pauses. “I just can’t…”

“Make out with me in dark alleyways,” I finish for her, stirring the ice in the cup with the straw.