Accidentally…Cimil? (Accidentally Yours #4.5)(3)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

The two men gasped. “You killed a sacred scarab,” said Righty.

I rolled my eyes. “I’m just getting started. Wait till you see what I do to your king. Now move it, princess!”

The man on the left lowered his spear and pointed it at my chest.

Grrrr… Time for a little game of Cimi Says. I switched to my compelling voice and repeated my instructions. If that didn’t get him moving fast enough, then I’d simply call upon one of my many other gifts. And let me tell you, I had hundreds of tricks up my proverbial sleeve. Far more than any of my brethren. Pain, compelling, bug makeovers, physical strength, the ability to sniff out a bargain, speaking all languages, speaking to the dead, nabbing souls, calligraphy, the list went on and on.

What was my secret?

Those Mexican cenotes (freshwater pools we used as portals, for you people who didn’t listen to me and look up the word as I commanded) were jacked up with the most concentrated, supernatural energy known to god-kind, straight from the River of Tlaloc, which flows between our two dimensions, creating a fabulous superhighway for me and my thirteen brothers and sisters. Now, if you don’t know my brethren, I’ll fill you in later—they’re quite the funky bunch—but the point I’m making is that the river has power. Learn to tap into it, and it’s a deity Flintstone vitamin, and by deity, I mean me. I’m the only one who’s figured it all out. That’s why I am undefeatable.

“Right this way,” said Lefty. I didn’t know if he was a lefty, but he was the man on the left so I christened him Lefty.

The two men led me inside, through a maze of lavishly adorned chambers, and then out to a large private garden. Statues and fire pits lined the stone walkway that led to the steps of a smaller temple where two more guards stood with spears crossed over the doorway.

“She is here to see our pharaoh,” said Righty.

The two new door jockeys exchanged glances. “No one enters.”

Ugh. I don’t have time for this. I pushed past Lefty and Righty. “Take me. Now.” I commanded the two new plebes. They didn’t move.

“What if I offer you a sandwich?” I winked provocatively.

They exchanged glances, clearly intrigued by my offer of this mysterious thing called a “sandwich,” but didn’t budge. Little did they know how males from the future would covet said sandwich. Almost as much as pizza, beer, and  p**n .

“Fine. Hardball it is! Move. Now,” I said, using my compelling voice.

They pulled back their spears but then froze in place with awkward, uncomfortably contorted faces.

Darn it. I brain locked them. Sometimes it happened. Nobody ever said my powers were perfect.

“Everyone stay put until I return,” I grumbled. “And don’t let anyone in. I’m sure your pharaoh won’t want to be bothered. Unless he’s into nut delight, in which case, I’ll be right back.”

I left the four men behind and entered the temple. “Now, where the hell is my man cand—” My jaw dropped the moment I entered the spacious sleeping chamber and spotted the king standing outside on his private terrace, gazing up at the night sky, wearing nothing but a teeny-tiny, tight little man-skirt. No man–panty lines, either, which obviously meant he was one piece of cloth away from being perfect (aka naked).

Well, hellooooo, cowboy!

Twisted into tiny plaits adorned with gold beads and thread, his long black hair cascaded down the center of his deeply tanned, broad back. His smooth skin rippled with powerful muscles, two of which were his hard ass.

I sucked in an equally hard breath. That hard ass was connected to the most gorgeous set of powerful, manly thighs I’d ever seen on a mortal. I could only imagine what hung down the other side.

“Are you going to say something or simply stand there all night staring at my ass?” he said in a deep, calm voice, not bothering to turn around.

“Was that a trick question? Obviously, I’m going to stare at your ass.”

* * *

From the moment the strange woman entered his chamber, he knew she was there. Her energy filled the room like a fragrant oil fills the nostrils.

Of course, he had been expecting her. A prayer to the Goddess Bastet never went unanswered when one’s heart was true to the deities and of divine origin as was his.

And when the woman arrived, he looked out across the dark, star-filled sky, thanking the deities for delivering his wish: a divine female worthy of his greatness, to worship his strength and power, and to provide him with many heirs to rule after his mortal shell crossed over the glorious banks of the Nile to join the gods for eternity.

“I’ve been expecting you.” He turned, proudly showing off his cloaked but prominently displayed phallus. After all, there was no purpose in hiding his glorious erection. It was a badge of honor, a sign of his superior, kingly virility. And of his desperation to end the self-imposed sexual drought. He’d vowed to the gods to abstain until her arrival, confident they would be pleased by his sacrifice and deliver his request.

They had. Delivered, that was. There were simply a few unexpected turns. Nothing a powerful pharaoh could not handle.

What mattered was that his agony was finally over. He would bed her immediately, this very evening, and plant his seed. The ceremonies and public declarations to appease the subjects could come after he’d had his fill of her silky, pale thighs and saw the sure signs of a new life within her.

The woman’s wide, jewel-colored eyes dropped to his shaft and drank him in without shame. “Is that a pyramid in your man-skirt or are you hiding my unicorn?”

“You like what you see?” he asked.

“Does a sea turtle play hopscotch when no one’s looking? Do na**d clowns run in terror when they see me coming? Does Bigfoot have a ‘Rides Free on Saturdays’ pass for Minky?” She stared blankly and then sighed loudly. “Yes. The answer is… yes!”

What odd phrases this woman speaks. “Good. This pleases me. There will be no room for shyness in my bed.” He reached for her chin, instantly feeling a powerful burst of energy course through him. He made a point not to react; he’d been expecting a goddess, after all. He tilted her head and stared down at her. “You are very small but quite lovely. I could not have picked better myself.” Yes, she will make a fine queen.

He yanked off his shendyt and pointed toward the large sleeping platform covered with the finest pillows and softest sheets known to man. “Now disrobe and lay down so that I may enjoy the pleasures of your divine flesh.”