Pulled(23)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Please, Melanie, you have to know I only wanted this with you.

I couldn’t say the words out loud, but I prayed she would understand, that she could see it in my eyes.

It was Katie’s next question that had struck me with horror.

So, this is your first child?

Vanessa had answered as if for us both, but there was no way I’d sit across from Melanie and not acknowledge our precious girl

I turned to Katie, my mouth dry, and choked out, “I had a baby girl.” Swal owing, I cleared my throat, trying to gain enough courage to verbalize it in front of these strangers. I’d never told anyone about Eva. It was my loss, and I couldn’t bear to have a stranger pity me when it was impossible for them to even begin to understand the way her death had destroyed me. “But she passed away.” March 2000

What the hell was happening?

My eyes were open, but everything was a blur.

Voices murmured too low for me to hear or the pain drowned them out. I wasn’t sure which. I hurt everywhere, and I felt like I was suffocating. My eyes began to clear, registering my surroundings, focusing on the two people working over me—No!

“Melanie!” I struggled to sit up, but I was strapped onto a stretcher. “Please, I have to get to her. Please!” My voice cracked with the sob that erupted from my chest as I begged them to free me. I had to find her.

“Sir, you need to calm down. We’re trying to help you.” A man held my face, forcing me to look at him. I shook my head against his hands.

“I have to help her. Where is she? Please,” I pleaded. My eyes darted around. I was in a moving ambulance. I looked at my shirt soaked with blood and fear gripped me. I tried to scream for her but no sound came.

“Sir, you need to relax. She’s already on her way to the hospital in Denver.”

I felt a jab in my arm and warmth spread through my veins, but it wasn’t the warmth I desired. A fog trapped me in my mind, my heart screaming, but the rest of my body went numb as darkness raced in.

“Daniel.” The voice was soft and drew me to it.

“My baby.” Something ran through my hair, caressing me, giving me strength.

“Mom?” I blinked.

She leaned over me, one hand holding mine while the other stroked my head. Her eyes filled with tears.

I tried to sit up, but the pain tearing through my chest forced me back down.

“Just relax, sweetheart.” She tried to soothe me but her voice was trembling, and it had the opposite effect.

“Melanie?” I rasped. I heard movement and turned. Dad stood next to the bed on the other side. He cleared his throat, his face tormented. Dad’s mouth opened and closed several times. A sense of foreboding came over me, and I steeled myself. Mom squeezed my hand. I returned the squeeze, probably a little too hard as I waited for Dad to respond.

“She’s going to be okay, Daniel.” He reached out and touched my shoulder, looking me in the eyes.

Relief flooded me, and I breathed in a painful breath, tears breaking free and running down my face.

“She’s still in surgery right now, and she’s doing well.”

I choked, the relief I felt moments before was gone. “Surgery?”

“She had some internal bleeding, but they have it under control.” He tried to reassure me, but I knew it had to be bad.

I felt my heart breaking, not even wanting to ask the next question. “The baby?” They were less than words and more like a strangled sound in the back of my throat, sticking to my tongue as they tried to pass.

Dad grimaced, his own tears beginning to fall.

“It’s not good, Daniel.” He shook his head, trying to get himself together to play the doctor. I could tell it hurt him as deeply as it did me. “They took her by C-section, and she’s on a ventilator.” He paused, looking away from me.

“It’s very early, son.”

Please, God, no. My body started to shake.

Overwhelming sorrow crushed me.

“It’s my fault,” I cried when I realized what I’d done.

“Oh, my God, Melanie, I’m so sorry.”

“Sh, sh. Daniel, no, honey. It’s not your fault.” Mom tried to convince me, but I knew the truth.

“No, I wasn’t paying enough attention. I didn’t see them. It was too late!” I was panicked as the words and tears kept coming.

“No, Daniel, the driver crossed into your lane. It was not your fault!” Mom nearly yelled, swearing I couldn’t have done anything different and digging her fingers into my hand. But I wouldn’t lie to myself. Even Melanie saw that car before I did.

“Daniel, you’ve got to get yourself together.

Melanie is going to need you.” Dad’s voice was full of reason, and I fought to get myself under control. I had to be strong for my girls.

“Can I see them?” The need to see and touch Melanie was overwhelming. I had to feel her heart beat beneath my hands, to see for myself that she was okay.

Eva.

The thought of my baby girl nearly made me crumble.

“Soon, son. I have to warn you, Melanie’s going to be on a ventilator for a few days until the swelling goes down around her brain. She’s not going to look very good, and I need you to be prepared for that. She also has other injuries…,” he said, his voice trailing off.

“Dad, please?” He couldn’t hide these things from me, “They’re my family. You have to be honest with me.”

He sighed. “I know, Daniel, it’s just a lot for you to take in all at once, and you have to take care of yourself, too. You have three cracked ribs and a pretty bad cut above your eye.”

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”

He pulled up a chair next to me, and I braced myself. “Okay,” he relented, but I could see how hard it was on him. He ran the palm of his hand back and forth over his mouth, tension rolling from him.

My heart fell as he described Melanie’s injuries.

She would be devastated. But we could get through that. I just had to be thankful she was going to be okay. I had to look within myself to find the courage to ask the next question. But I was Eva’s father, I had to do everything I could to help her.

My voice shook as I asked, “And the baby?” Tears flowed down his face. He didn’t even try to wipe them away. His words were barely audible, and I strained to hear. “She’s in bad shape, Daniel. She only weighs a little over a pound and a half. She can’t breathe on her own, and all we can do is wait.” It just didn’t seem real. But I knew what would make it real.