Pulled(40)
Author: A.L. Jackson

She screamed. “Right there, Daniel! Right there!

Where in that screwed up head of yours would you get the idea Melanie didn’t love you anymore? That she didn’t want you?”

“Oh, I don’t know, Erin, maybe when I kil ed our daughter!” Anger rol ed off me as I hovered over her, my hands in fists at my side.

“She never blamed you, Daniel!” she yel ed back.

“It wasn’t your fault!”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about, Erin.” Erin kicked pieces of the shattered plate across the floor, making me jump back.

“Daniel, I’ve kept this in for nine years. Nine f**king years!” She sobbed as she held her stomach with one arm. “I made promises to both of you, and I should have broken them a long time ago. all they did was ruin your lives, both of you trying to protect the other. You were both fools, and I was a fool to agree!”

She was scaring me.

“Erin, please, what are you saying?”

She looked me straight in the eye. “She never blamed you, Daniel.” Her cries ceased, and she spoke softly. “She was protecting you. Her parents threatened that if she didn’t go back to Dal as with her mom, they…they’d have you arrested. It broke her heart to leave, Daniel. She was crushed. She made me promise to never tellyou because she knew you’d go straight to her father. At that time she was terrified of him, Daniel, terrified of what he would do to you.”

What? Her parents did this to us? How could they?

Erin bit her lip and averted her gaze as if in guilt.

“And…and she kept making these comments.” She looked up at me, her expression tortured. “She said maybe she wasn’t good enough for you, and she needed to give you time to decide.

My knees went weak, and I reached to Erin for support.

She didn’t blame me? all of these years, I’d always believed what everyone had insisted wasn’t true.

Erin was right—I was a fool.

“Why then, Erin? Why, when I went after her, had she married somebody else? Why?” I begged, praying she knew.

“I don’t know, Daniel.” We sank to the floor, clutching each other, our anger released and washed away, now replaced with questions and what-ifs. “That’s why I was so angry that you wouldn’t let me go to her. I always knew we were missing something, and the only person who could answer that question was Melanie.”

Al these years, everything I had believed was a lie

—a lie I had told myself.

I sat there on that cold floor with my baby sister clinging to my neck, tears streaming down my cheeks, and I forgave myself.

I let go of the blame I’d held onto for so long and just accepted it.

It wasn’t my fault.

Chapter 14

The smell of coffee filtered through the kitchen. I stood in front of the pot, willing it to brew faster, my eyes heavy with fatigue.

The last three weeks had not been easy.

The foundation I’d built my life on for the past nine miserable years had been shaken, cracks rippling through the concrete. I had no idea what side I’d end up on when it finally broke apart.

I hadn’t come face to face with Daniel since that night, but I knew he was always near.

I could feel him, sense his eyes upon me in almost everything I did. My nerves bristled as I walked down the street, my body cal ing to him, begging to be touched.

I knew why he had to stay away. I’d never want to be that kind of person anyway, one who would break apart a family, a home. As badly as I wanted it, I would never be responsible for that. Yet, it didn’t stop me from driving by his office each day, hoping to catch just a glimpse of him, though I never did. And it definitely didn’t keep away the black car, barely visible from where it sat down the street. It was there in those moments when the weight of his presence nearly brought to my knees when the pul was too great to ignore. It was in those moments I almost didn’t care if it’d make me a bad person if I went to him, took him. still , I held back. I didn’t have room for one more regret in my life. So we loved each other from afar.

I heard movement upstairs and braced myself.

Things with Nicholas had been interesting.

I’d never gone back to his room after that night. I made the guest room my own and refused to all ow myself to be used in that way again. I knew he had no qualms about getting what he wanted elsewhere. When I first came to Chicago, I’d made an effort to do the normal things I thought a wife should do; thinking if I had a role to play, then I should play it well. I’d packed the chicken salad and the bread I’d baked, and headed to Nicholas’s office. I’d opened his office door to find a naked woman in his lap, his pants pooled around his feet. He’d acknowledged me by tel ing me to, “Close the f**king door.” He’d come home that night and never said one thing about it or acted any different. I’d felt nothing but relief in finding them, hoping it meant he would come to me less often. I learned quickly it didn’t.

But that didn’t matter now. I promised myself that night three weeks ago I’d never let him touch me again.

I heard footsteps on the stairs as I poured my first cup of coffee, ignoring Nicholas when he came in the room.

The air surrounding us was tense. We’d said very few words to each other since that night. He’d crossed a line when he hit me, and he knew it. Never would I let things go back to the way were, even though I sensed he expected it to. I could feel his anger simmering, always on the verge of exploding.

I knew it was just a matter of time.

“Melanie.” I looked up in shock, surprised he’d spoken to me. “Shane is coming by to pick up these papers. He’ll be here in about a half an hour. I was supposed to take them, but I’m running late for a meeting.” He flopped a large, legal-sized, manila envelope down on the counter.

I nodded but otherwise continued to ignore him shuffling around the kitchen as he gathered his things. Only when I heard his car pul out of the garage did I begin to relax. Curious, I reached over and grabbed the envelope, nearly dropping it when I saw what was written across it.

“Montgomery Oncology.” Daniel. These papers were for Daniel.

My palms became sweaty as I contemplated.

It was true I’d driven by his office every day for the last three weeks, but I’d never stepped foot inside. Could I bear to be that close to him? To maybe catch sight of his wavy hair as he walked down the hallway, hesitation in his step when he felt me? To possibly see his eyes filled with their love for me even if it were only for a second?