Searching for Always (Page 96)

His heart now exploded and his body went into junkie-in-need-of-a-fix mode. Sweat poured from his skin, panic settled in his gut, and he couldn’t seem to catch his breath. “No, please listen to me; it’s different than you think. Just let me come over and explain it.”

“No! I won’t open the door, Stone. You need to go back to the bar and your friends and your life. You’ll thank me tomorrow.”

“But Pinky—”

“Pinky’s gone,” she whispered.

No. No, no, no, no. “What do you mean?”

“Anthony is sending her to another shelter to work with a behaviorist. He’s an expert in abused animals and thinks they can get her a family. I’m fostering three new dogs who come in a few days. It was the right decision.”

“You gave her away?”

An arctic blast exploded into the phone. “No. You gave her away, remember? Please don’t call me again.”

The phone clicked.

Stone stared at his cell phone. This couldn’t be happening. How had he experienced the biggest revelation of his life, yet she wasn’t ready to listen to him? Pinky wasn’t meant to be with another family or a behaviorist who didn’t understand she only liked hamburgers and slept on the right side and preferred peanut butter chewy bones.

Pinky was meant to be with him.

In the middle of a full-fledged panic attack, he closed his eyes and did the only thing possible before completely losing it.

He breathed.

In and out. Feeling the air seep and fill up his lungs with everything good and positive. Then release all the bad toxins and thoughts out into the universe. His body calmed. His mind cleared. And an odd peace settled over him, showing him the only road he had left to take.

ARILYN FINISHED HER MEDITATION and slowly opened her eyes. The screens were down since Lenny and Mike had left, but she’d need to erect them again when her new charges came later that day. She usually enjoyed the hushed quiet that filled the bungalow, but lately it beat with an undercurrent of loneliness she seemed unable to fight.

God, she missed Stone.

Anger hit her full force when she thought of his phone call. Stupid drunken musings. She was well versed in those from Jacob. Jacob, who’d have too many cocktails and get weepy. Who promised to change and begged her forgiveness, only to go back to exactly how things were. The crazy thing? She knew Stone loved her. Yet he’d not only walked away from her without a backward glance, but he’d also walked away from Pinky. The last week with the Chihuahua had been heartbreaking. She waited at the door for Stone to enter, a frozen statue who believed her master would reappear. Arilyn had taken her to Kate’s every day to spend time with Robert, who seemed to be the only one to calm her. With genuine love and affection, he’d nudge her with his giant nose, flop down, and allow her to crawl over on his back.

Kate had mentioned adopting her, but Arilyn believed the new behaviorist and a clean slate would give Pinky what she needed.

Trying to swallow past the tightness in her throat, she rolled to her feet, blew out her incense sticks, and strode to the kitchen. It would be a long day at Kinnections, and then she needed to go pick up her new dogs. Ever since opening up more to her friends and her grandfather, she felt better able to cope. Oh, it hurt so bad, sometimes she just lay there clutching her chest. Then it eased, and she reminded herself of all she had to give. She had a full life, and she would have the love she dreamed of. This time, it would be with someone who’d give it all back to her.

The sharp knock on the door interrupted her mental cheerleading. She peeked through the curtain and opened the door. “Hi, Mrs. Blackfire. Everything okay?”

“Yes. Do you have a minute to talk?”

Arilyn frowned. “Sure. I’ll make you some tea; I have to leave for work soon.”

The walker clicked over the floors and her neighbor settled in her favorite chair by the pine table. “None of that crazy stuff, please. Good old Lipton. Why does it smell like drugs in here?”

Arilyn grinned. “It’s incense. Helps to connect the body-mind center through the sense of smell.”

“Smells like marijuana to me. Where are the dogs?”

“They don’t come till later. Poppy’s coming for dinner tomorrow.”

“Good, I’ll bring dessert this time. I’m baking some Irish soda bread. Your grandfather has an affinity for it, though he eats too much.”

“Sounds perfect.” She handed her the cup of hot tea and sat down. “What did you want to talk about?”

“Officer Stone Petty. You love him, right?”

She almost dropped the cup. “Umm. Umm. Well, ummm—”

“Yes or no will do, missy.”

“Yes. But it won’t work. He got spooked and took off. It’s over.”

“Bah,” Mrs. Blackfire spit out. “He’ll be back. They always come back. Usually drunk.”

This time the cup clattered to the table, spilling tea. “Oh my God, how did you know that?”

“Because I was young once. Before I lost my husband in the war, we played a bit of a chess game ourselves. He didn’t want to settle so young. I wanted to get married. We broke up once. He had too many whiskeys and ended up at my front door, begging my forgiveness.”

“What did you do?” she asked, fascinated.

“Made him suffer a bit and then took him back. Sometimes you need to be the better one. We have no choice.”

Arilyn’s shoulders slumped. “I don’t know. He gave up Pinky. I don’t know if I trust him not to spook again. I just don’t think I can do it.”