Sun God Seeks…Surrogate? (Accidentally Yours #3)(65)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

There were several moments of angry grumblings among the gods.

“Cimil,” Guy finally said, “make no mistake, you will be punished for your deception when we are through with this crisis.”

“Don’t you get it?” Cimil howled. “There is no after. It’s over! Over! If the dead have moved on it’s because this world is going to end! The blank pages in the Book of the Oracle confirms it. There is no future. We lose the Great War!

I heard the simultaneous mental click! of everyone in the room.

Oh. No. Oh oh oh…no.

“You mean, it really is the end of the world?”

She covered her face with her hands. “Damn that stupid Love Boat and Isaac’s glorious Afro!”

CHAPTER 35

The gods scrambled back to the summit room. Gabrán followed with his cell phone glued to his ear, issuing some kind of “code red.” Guy called Niccolo and did the same.

Sweet. Thank you, Love Boat and Cimil.

I shook my head. “Be right there. I need to catch my breath.” Or jump off a bridge. Or binge on egg rolls. Something to pull me back into the gravitational pull of planet Earth.

I sank down on the couch next to Cimil, who’d returned to her semi-comatose state.

“Well, I certainly didn’t see that one coming,” I said.

“Nobody ever expects the Spanish Inquisition,” she mumbled.

Huh? I mentally sighed. Whatever. Doesn’t matter.

What did matter was figuring out what to do next. The funny thing about finding out the world is really, truly going to end is that your priorities suddenly shift in ways you wouldn’t expect. For example, now more than ever, I needed to find my mother. If it was the last thing I did, I’d find her. I’d hug her, and tell her I loved her.

I also wanted to see my friends again—Anne and Jess. I hadn’t called or spoken with them in over a week, but I wanted to thank them for everything they had ever done. I couldn’t count the number of times they’d come to my psychological rescue in one way or another after my mother got sick. They were like my personal angels. How could I have taken them for granted?

Then there was Kinich. I still couldn’t believe he was leaving. Did he truly care so little about me? Was I simply the object of his sexual fantasies, but nothing more?

I didn’t want to accept it. I was too smart to give my heart away to someone like that. Wasn’t I? There had to be a reason he was so hell-bent on leaving. But maybe I wanted to think that because it tasted less bitter going down.

Cimil looked at me and placed her hand on top of my stomach. “I’m sorry, Penelope. I know this can’t be easy. But the baby won’t suffer when the time comes. I promise.”

Oh good. That’s nice to hear—“What?”

She cocked one brow. “Baby. As in yours.”

“Mine?” I sat up straight.

“Uh, yaaah. Don’t you remember what I told you in the cab?”

My brain began to sift through the wild memories.

Hmm. First there was her wild jibber jabber about everything going wrong. Then there was something about how she hated champagne because the bubbles tickled her nose and how she’d bought an original 1980s Atari set still in its box at some garage sale. Then we were attacked by that Maaskab and a few nasty vampires.

“No. Not exactly,” I replied.

“I said, ‘Congratulations on the baby.’ Don’t you remember?”

“No. Not exactly.”

“Oh. Maybe I forgot.” She scratched her head.

She had to be joking. “But…but—I took a test; it was negative. I saw it!”

“Nope. I tossed yours in the trash when I cleaned your place. Did you like the air freshener I used to get rid of the Scabby smell? It’s new! I call it…” She waved her hand through the air like a magician doing an amazing trick. “Sun God! The Odor of a Thousand Suns.” She scratched her chin. “Or, did I use my new fav perfume, that cat urine cleaner? Hmmm. Can’t remember.”

“Cimil, focus!”

“What?” she responded defensively.

She must’ve been confused—a state she seemed to be chronically afflicted with. “If it wasn’t my pregnancy test, then whose?”

Her gaze fluttered toward the ceiling for a moment. “Oh, I know! It was mine! And boy, let me tell you…I was worried. Those clowns and I had one crazy night after my party. Just say ‘no’ to tequila and animal tranquilizers, if ya know what I mean.”

Shock waves barreled down. The entire time, I’d been reliving memories of my night with Kinich? They weren’t simply dreams? I mean, I knew it was a possibility, but now…now it felt all too real. Or surreal. “But I—but I…This can’t be right. I mean, wouldn’t I have known if we slept together?” I certainly felt the effects after our little episode in the shower.

“Oh, believe you me! You two did it all right. Here. Let me show you the video.” She reached into the pocket of her dingy black leather pants, pulled out a smart phone, and made a few taps. “See!” She held up the tiny screen.

“You filmed us having sex?” I sprang from the couch.

A coy little smile swept across her face. “What? You two were hot. Really. I mean haaawt. Especially when the midgets showed up. And thank goddess they did.”

No words could ever…ever!…describe the horror I felt. There, on the screen, Kinich and I were making out on his couch like wild, horny teenagers. Arms and hands flew in every which direction, tearing away clothes and groping. Then, two tiny men in suits came into view, both held a spritzer bottle.

“What the hell?” Oh the horror! The horror!

Cimil giggled. “Great idea, right? They were exactly the right size to really get in there and put out the flames. You didn’t even know they were there, and I figured Kinich’s first time would be”—she cackled—“on fire! And let me tell you…wow! Was I right.”

Seething with anger I never knew possible, I felt myself heat up. Tiny beads of sweat broke out all over my body. I felt scorching, painful flames flickering beneath the surface. But I didn’t care. I’d kill her! I’d just…kill her!!

I was about to lunge when she held out her hands. “Whoa, whoa there, cowgirl. I don’t have any midgets handy, and I’m not sure bursting into flames is good for the baby or that body. You’re still mortal…for the most part.”

Shit! I took a deep breath and exhaled. A billow of smoke escaped from my mouth. Great. I’m Puff the Magic Dragon. And a  p**n  star. Who’s pregnant.