Twenties Girl (Page 6)
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 168
- Page 168
- Page 168
- Page 168
Twenties Girl(6)
Author: Sophie Kinsella
I didn’t even send any flowers, I realize in sudden mortification. Should I have written a card or something? God, I hope Mum and Dad sorted it all out.
The music is so lovely and the atmosphere is so emotional that suddenly I can’t help it, I feel my eyes pricking too. Next to me is an old lady in a black velvet hat, who notices and clicks her tongue sympathetically.
“Do you have a handkerchief, dear?” she whispers.
“No,” I admit, and she immediately snaps open her large, old-fashioned patent bag. A smell of camphor rises up, and inside I glimpse several pairs of spectacles, a box of mints, a packet of hairpins, a box labeled String, and half a packet of digestive biscuits.
“You should always bring a handkerchief to a funeral.” She offers me a packet of tissues.
“Thanks,” I gulp, taking one. “That’s really kind. I’m the great-niece, by the way.”
She nods sympathetically. “This must be a terrible time for you. How’s the family coping?”
“Er… well…” I fold up the tissue, wondering how to answer. I can’t exactly say “No one’s that bothered; in fact, Uncle Bill’s still on his BlackBerry outside.”
“We all have to support each other at this time,” I improvise at last.
“That’s it.” The old lady nods gravely as though I’ve said something really wise, as opposed to straight off a Hallmark card. “We all have to support each other.” She clasps my hand. “I’d be glad to talk, dear, anytime you want to. It’s an honor to meet any relative of Bert’s.”
“Thank you-” I begin automatically, then halt.
Bert?
I’m sure my aunt wasn’t called Bert. In fact, I know she wasn’t. She was called Sadie.
“You know, you look a lot like him.” The woman’s surveying my face.
Shit. I’m in the wrong funeral.
“Something about the forehead. And you have his nose. Did anyone ever tell you that, dear?”
“Um… sometimes!” I say wildly. “Actually, I’ve just got to… er… Thanks so much for the tissue…” I hastily start making my way back toward the door.
“It’s Bert’s great-niece.” I can hear the old lady’s voice following me. “She’s very upset, poor thing.”
I practically throw myself at the pale wooden door and find myself in the foyer again, almost landing on Mum and Dad. They’re standing with a woman with woolly gray hair, a dark suit, and a stack of leaflets in her hand.
“Lara! Where were you?” Mum looks in puzzlement at the door. “What were you doing in there?”
“Were you in Mr. Cox’s funeral?” The gray-haired woman looks taken aback.
“I got lost!” I say defensively. “I didn’t know where to go! You should put signs on the doors!”
Silently, the woman raises her hand and points at a plastic-lettered sign above the door: BERTRAM COX-1:30 P.M. Damn. Why didn’t I notice that?
“Well, anyway.” I try to regain my dignity. “Let’s go. We need to bag a seat.”
TWO
Bag a seat. What a joke. I’ve never been at anything as depressing as this, my whole entire life.
OK, I know it’s a funeral. It’s not supposed to be a riot. But at least Bert’s funeral had lots of people and flowers and music and atmosphere. At least that other room felt like something.
This room has nothing. It’s bare and chilly, with just a closed coffin at the front and SADIE LANCASTER in crappy plastic letters on a notice board. No flowers, no lovely smell, no singing, just some Muzak piped out of speakers. And the place is practically empty. Just Mum, Dad, and me on one side; Uncle Bill, Aunt Trudy, and my cousin Diamanté on the other.
I surreptitiously run my gaze over the other side of the family. Even though we’re related, they still seem like a celebrity magazine come to life. Uncle Bill is sprawled on his plastic chair as though he owns the place, typing at his BlackBerry. Aunt Trudy is flicking through Hello! , probably reading about all her friends. She’s wearing a tight black dress, her blond hair is artfully swept around her face, and her cleavage is even more tanned and impressive than last time I saw her. Aunt Trudy married Uncle Bill twenty years ago, and I swear she looks younger today than she does in her wedding pictures.
Diamanté’s platinum-blond hair sweeps down to her bum, and she’s wearing a minidress covered with a skull print. Really tasteful for a funeral. She has her iPod plugged in and is texting on her mobile and keeps looking at her watch with a sulky scowl. Diamanté is seventeen and has two cars and her own fashion label called Tutus and Pearls, which Uncle Bill set up for her. (I looked at it online once. The dresses all cost four hundred pounds, and everyone who buys one gets their name on a special “Diamanté’s Best Friends” list, and half of them are celebs’ kids. It’s like Facebook, but with dresses.)
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 150
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 151
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 152
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 153
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 154
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 155
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 156
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 157
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 158
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 159
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 160
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 161
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 162
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 163
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 164
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 165
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 166
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 167
- Page 168
- Page 168
- Page 168
- Page 168