Wedding Night (Page 36)
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 149
“No! Not ‘Oh. Shit. Sorry.’ You can’t do this, Daniel! It’s not fair on Noah and it’s not fair on me and—”
“Fliss, relax. It’s just some little school project.”
“It’s not little! To Noah, it’s huge! It’s— You’re—” I break off, breathing fast. He’ll never get it. There’s no point wasting breath. I’m on my own. “Fine, Daniel. Whatever. I’ll sort it.”
I switch off before he can answer. I’m feeling a red heat of determination. I am not going to let Noah down. He’s going to have his hot-air balloon. I can do this. Come on.
I bleep open the car and snap up the lid of my briefcase. I’ve got a tiny cardboard gift bag in there, from some fancy lunch. That can be the basket. Shoelaces out of my gym crosstrainers will be the ropes. I grab a sheet of paper and pen from my briefcase and beckon Noah over.
“I’m just going to finish off our hot-air balloon,” I say brightly. “Why don’t you draw Batman to put in the basket?”
As Noah starts drawing, leaning on the car seat, I swiftly take out my shoelaces. They’re brown and speckled. They’ll make perfect ropes. I’ve got some Scotch tape in the glove compartment. And for the balloon itself …
Bloody hell. What can I use? It’s not like I travel around with packets of balloons, on the off chance that—
A ridiculous, unspeakable idea grabs me. I could always—
No. No way. I can’t.…
Five minutes later, I approach Mrs. Hocking, nonchalantly holding Noah’s project. The mothers standing around gradually fall silent. In fact, it feels as though the whole playground has fallen silent.
“That’s Batman!” Noah is pointing to the basket proudly. “I drew him.”
All the children are looking at Batman. All the mothers are looking at the balloon. It’s a blown-up Durex Fetherlite Ultra. It inflated to quite an impressive size, and the teat on the end is bobbing in the breeze.
I hear a sudden snort from Anna, but when I look around sharply, all I can see are innocent expressions.
“Goodness, Noah,” says Mrs. Hocking faintly. “What a … big balloon!”
“That’s obscene,” snaps Jane, clutching her boat to her as though for protection. “This is a school, in case you’d forgotten. There are children here.”
“And as far as they’re concerned, this is a perfectly innocent balloon,” I retort. “My husband let me down.” I turn apologetically to Mrs. Hocking. “I didn’t have much time.”
“It’s very good, Mrs. Phipps!” Mrs. Hocking rallies herself. “What a creative use of …”
“What if it bursts?” says Jane.
“I’ve got spares,” I shoot back triumphantly, and proffer the rest of my Durex variety pack, splayed out like a pack of cards.
A moment too late, I realize how this looks. My cheeks flaming, I surreptitiously adjust my hand to cover up the words Ribbed for extra pleasure. And lube. And stimulation. My fingers are doing a starfish impression, trying to censor the condom packets.
“I think we’ll be able to find a balloon for Noah in the classroom, Mrs. Phipps,” Mrs. Hocking says at last. “I’d keep those yourself, for …” She hesitates, clearly searching for a way to finish her sentence.
“Absolutely.” I hastily head her off. “Good idea. I’ll use them for … exactly. That. I mean, not.” I laugh shrilly. “Actually, I probably won’t use them at all. Or at least … I am responsible, obviously.…”
I trail away into silence. I’ve just shared details of my condom use with my son’s teacher. I’m not sure how that happened.
“Anyway!” I add in bright desperation. “So. I’ll take those away now. And use them. For … some purpose or other.”
Hastily, I stuff the condoms back in my bag, dropping a Pleasuremax and diving for it before any of the seven-year-olds can reach it. All the other mothers are staring, jaw-dropped, as though they’ve witnessed a car crash.
“I hope the assembly goes well. Have a lovely day, Noah.” I hand him the hot-air balloon with a kiss, then swivel on my heel and march away, breathing hard. I wait until I’m on the road, then dial Barnaby from the car phone.
“Barnaby.” I launch in. “You will not believe what Daniel just did. Noah had a school project which Daniel didn’t say a single word about—”
“Fliss,” says Barnaby patiently. “Calm down.”
“I had to hand a blown-up condom to Noah’s teacher! It was supposed to be a hot-air balloon!” I can hear Barnaby bursting into laughter down the line. “It wasn’t funny! He’s a shit! He pretends to care, but he’s totally selfish; he lets Noah down—”
- Page 1
- Page 1
- Page 2
- Page 2
- Page 3
- Page 3
- Page 4
- Page 4
- Page 5
- Page 5
- Page 6
- Page 6
- Page 7
- Page 7
- Page 8
- Page 8
- Page 9
- Page 9
- Page 10
- Page 10
- Page 11
- Page 11
- Page 12
- Page 12
- Page 13
- Page 13
- Page 14
- Page 14
- Page 15
- Page 15
- Page 16
- Page 16
- Page 17
- Page 17
- Page 18
- Page 18
- Page 19
- Page 19
- Page 20
- Page 20
- Page 21
- Page 21
- Page 22
- Page 22
- Page 23
- Page 23
- Page 24
- Page 24
- Page 25
- Page 25
- Page 26
- Page 26
- Page 27
- Page 27
- Page 28
- Page 28
- Page 29
- Page 29
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 30
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 31
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 32
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 33
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 34
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 35
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 36
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 37
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 38
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 39
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 40
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 41
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 42
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 43
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 44
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 45
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 46
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 47
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 48
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 49
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 50
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 51
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 52
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 53
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 54
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 55
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 56
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 57
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 58
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 59
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 60
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 61
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 62
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 63
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 64
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 65
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 66
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 67
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 68
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 69
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 70
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 71
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 72
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 73
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 74
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 75
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 76
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 77
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 78
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 79
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 80
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 81
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 82
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 83
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 84
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 85
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 86
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 87
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 88
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 89
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 90
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 91
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 92
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 93
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 94
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 95
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 96
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 97
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 98
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 99
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 100
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 101
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 102
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 103
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 104
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 105
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 106
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 107
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 108
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 109
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 110
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 111
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 112
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 113
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 114
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 115
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 116
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 117
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 118
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 119
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 120
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 121
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 122
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 123
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 124
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 125
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 126
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 127
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 128
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 129
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 130
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 131
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 132
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 133
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 134
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 135
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 136
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 137
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 138
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 139
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 140
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 141
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 142
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 143
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 144
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 145
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 146
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 147
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 148
- Page 149
- Page 149
- Page 149