Wedding Night(131)
Author: Sophie Kinsella

“You are. Fliss, you’ve lost perspective. You had it for about five minutes, and now you’ve lost it again.” Lorcan sounds so calm and reasonable, I flip out.

“My perspective is, I’ve realized what a two-timing bastard your best friend is!” I glare at him accusingly and he shakes his head.

“Don’t give me that. It’s not my fault.”

“Do you want to read these texts?” I bang my BlackBerry with my hand for emphasis. “My poor trusting sister is absolutely besotted with Ben. She’s planning a life in France with him. She’s absolutely unaware of the fact he’s hooking up with some girl from the old days with an amazing body.” I’m close to tears. “It’s her honeymoon, for God’s sake. What kind of low-down worm is unfaithful on his honeymoon, before he’s even consummated his marriage?”

“Now that you put it like that …,” allows Lorcan.

“Well, I’m not going to stand for it. I’m saving my sister. Richard, are you in?”

“In?” He shakes his head adamantly. “I’m not in anything. Lottie’s leading her own life. She doesn’t want me. She made that perfectly plain.”

“But her marriage with Ben is on the rocks!” I cry in frustration. “Don’t you see?”

“We don’t know that for sure,” says Richard. “And, anyway, what are you expecting me to do, pick up the pieces? Lottie chose Ben, and that’s something I have to live with.” He hoists his bag on his shoulder. “You can do what you like, but I’m going my own way. I’m finding a sunset and I’m watching it and I’m going to try to find some inner peace.”

I stare at him in disbelief. Now he goes all Dalai Lama on me?

“What about you?” I turn to Lorcan, who lifts his hands and shakes his head too.

“Not my affair. I’m strictly here for business reasons. Once the restructuring papers are signed, I’m leaving Ben alone.”

“So you’re both bailing out on me?” I glare at the two men. “Fine. Fine. I’ll save the day without you.” I extend a hand. “Come on, Noah. We’re going to Ikonos after all.”

“OK. Have they done it?” he adds chattily as he gathers up all the Bulgarian leaflets he’s collected.

“Done what?” I’m momentarily stunned.

“Lottie and Ben. Have they put the sausage in the bun?”

“Muffin,” amends Richard.

“Cupcake,” corrects Lorcan.

“Shut up, both of you!” I say frantically. I feel as though I’m losing control of everything. Do I have to have the facts-of-life conversation with my seven-year-old right now, in Sofia airport?

Also, more pertinent: it’s a good question. Have they done it?

“I don’t know,” I say at last, and put an arm round Noah. “We don’t know, darling. Nobody knows.”

“Actually, I know.” Lorcan looks up from his BlackBerry. “Just got a new text from Ben.” His face twists a little. “Apparently the wedding night is a go. They’re heading back to the hotel in order to …” He glances at Noah. “Put it this way. The sausage is heading toward the cupcake.”

“Nooooooooo!” My agonized cry rises to the roof of the building, and a few nearby passengers turn to stare. “But she has no idea what a treacherous cheating rat he is!” I look agitatedly from face to face. “We have to stop them!”

“Fliss, calm down,” says Lorcan.

“Stop them?” Richard looks shocked.

“She’s been sabotaging their entire honeymoon,” explains Lorcan succinctly. “Didn’t you wonder why they were so unlucky?”

“Jesus Christ, Fliss.” Richard looks shocked.

“We need to board,” says Noah, tugging at my sleeve, but all three of us ignore him. Determination is coursing through my veins like molten steel. A crusader could not be any more crusading than I am right now.

“That bastard is not going to break my sister’s heart.” I’m speed-dialing Nico. “Richard, give me some more pointers. You have the inside track; you can help. What are Lottie’s particular turnoffs?”

“We need to board,” says Noah again, and all three of us ignore him again.

“I’m not telling you her turnoffs!” Richard sounds scandalized. “That’s private information!”

“She’s my sister—” I break off as Nico answers.

“Hello?” he says warily. “Fliss?”

“Nico!” I exclaim. “Thank God you’re there! We need to take things up a level. Repeat, up a level.”