Dangerous Exes (Page 28)

“One. Time,” I gritted out.

“Impaler, impaler!” He cupped his mouth and kept chanting.

I chucked my towel at his face and tried to hide my smile. “One time, and I was young.”

“Exactly, you had your small stature on your side.”

I rolled my eyes and lifted. “Don’t know what you’re talking about, I’ve always been huge.”

“Attaboy,” Colin whooped. “Just be careful, the last thing I need is you hurting Isla and keeping me from sex because she needs a good cryfest with her best friend, Outlander, and a pint of ice cream.”

I grunted. “Noted.”

“I’m serious, Jessie.”

“Me too.”

And oddly enough.

I meant it.

Chapter Thirty

ISLA

Jessie picked up one of my black duffel bags and started rummaging inside. “Duct tape, night-vision goggles, Tasers, a paintball gun? Why the hell do you need a paintball gun?”

I wrenched the gun away from him and placed it back in the bag. “You’d be surprised.”

He pointed to one of the briefcases I kept for special clients. “What’s that for?”

“That’s my baby.”

“You keep a baby in a briefcase. Nice.”

I rolled my eyes, went over to my pride and joy, and typed in the code. “No, this baby goes with me in order to see if a baby’s possible.” The suitcase opened and Jessie peered in, his eyebrows shooting to his hairline. “Impressive, right?”

“Isn’t this what Dateline uses to shame hotels into cleaning better?”

“Exactly.” I picked up my black light and did a little jig. “But I use it to find sperm.”

“Ah, from PI to a sperm hunter, should have known.”

“Easy there.” I pointed it at his crotch. “Any confessions?”

“Yeah, I haven’t jacked off today, so you aren’t going to find shit on me.”

“Jacking off doesn’t produce shit, poor baby.” I patted him on the shoulder. “Missed that in health class, did you?”

He glared and jerked the black light out of my hands, then pointed it at me. “And you? Anything you’d like to confess?”

I held my arms out. “Clean.”

The lights weren’t off, so he wouldn’t be able to use it anyway, but he must have trusted me enough to set it down and keep searching through our gear. “Cameras, car jacks, ninja stars? Is that really necessary? When will you ever need a ninja star?”

Blaire walked into the office with Colin. “Summer of 2016 threw a ninja star at a perp’s calf, took him down in one fell swoop right along with the pictures he stole from our office. Lives saved. Badge earned.”

I gave her a high five while Colin and Jessie stared at one another in confusion. Jessie spoke first. “Who are you people?”

“The best,” I said with pride. “So if anyone’s going to take down your skank of an ex-wife, it’s going to be us.” Mainly me. I was done with her messing with his life, and I was done taking the blame for her inability to tell the truth.

I grabbed the paintball gun and pulled the trigger. It fired into Jessie’s thigh.

“What the hell!” he roared, stumbling backward. “Why are you shooting me?”

I winced. “We don’t store them loaded, sorry, accident?”

“Accident, my ass.” He rubbed his thigh. “I’m getting a welt!”

“Don’t be such a baby.”

He narrowed his eyes. “Be honest, did you shoot me on purpose?”

“Nope.” I shrugged. “But had I known it was loaded, you betcha.”

“Relationships,” Colin said cheerfully. “It’s like Christmas every day.”

“Hear, hear,” Blaire said awkwardly.

“Not married yet,” Jessie just had to say as he pried the gun from my hands and set it back in the duffel bag. “So what’s your brilliant plan?”

“Divide and conquer.” I grinned. “We’re two days away from the Academy Awards, Wayne’s up for Best Director and Best Picture. We camp out in Hollywood at their hotel, follow them, get Vanessa drunk enough and pissed enough to confess.”

“And how exactly”—Jessie crossed his arms in doubt—“are we going to accomplish all of that?”

“Bait.” I grinned wide and held out my hand. “You get to be bait.” He took it, and I whispered, “Welcome to Dirty Exes.”

“May the force be with you,” Colin muttered under his breath.

Chapter Thirty-One

JESSIE

Well. At least I could admit one thing.

Since my fake engagement to Isla, life certainly wasn’t boring, not even a little bit. My point was proved when I adjusted the earpiece in my right ear then reached for my coffee.

I’d been at the Hollywood Hilton on several occasions.

And I’d never been bugged on any of them.

Let alone trying to set up my ex-wife to make her look like the villain she was.

“Are we sure about this?” I said under my breath.

“Positive.” Blaire’s voice came over the earpiece loud and clear. “The staff is going to send her out by the pool to relax after her massage, a drink will be brought to her table with a note that compliments her and points her gaze to you.”

I shuddered. “Great.”

“Hey, that’s what bait does! You reel them in, and then we pounce.”

“Why isn’t Isla bait?”

“She’s bait’s date!” Blaire laughed. I heard Colin snicker, which made me roll my eyes.

“Shhh, she’s coming.”

I waited for another snarky remark and got nothing, apparently they were all business when they needed to be.

My body rippled with tension as I saw her figure across the pool. She snapped her fingers at one of the towel attendants as he laid everything down to her specifics. My body felt like it had something crawling all over it when she gripped his forearm, leaned up, and whispered in his ear.

His eyes went wide and then he slowly nodded his head.

She blew him a kiss.

My balls retracted a bit when she sat and stared in my direction with her dark sunglasses on and a glass of white wine in hand. From the outside she was perfection. Not a hair out of place. Blood-red lipstick against pale skin, honey highlights in her typically frosty blonde hair, and legs for days.

Anyone would look at her and do a double take.

All I wanted to do was toss her in the pool and hold her under until she admitted that she was a lying, cheating bitch.

A tremor of anxiety slammed into my chest when the attendant returned with a bottle of water and a shot of whiskey. She frowned, looked at the whiskey, and then the card next to it.

Her eyes darted around the pool then locked on to mine.

It hurt like hell to force that smile, to seem interested when I wanted to puke, when the last time she was with me I felt so emotionally confused, abused, that my worth got lost in the definition of us.

“Stay calm.” It was Isla’s voice.

I felt my body relax.

“There you go,” she said in that same voice. “Remember, this isn’t real, you don’t belong to her—she has no right to even touch you. But you’re going to let her assume she does. You have to make her wonder.”

“Right,” I said, more to myself than anything. “Did I mention I failed drama class?”