Dangerous Exes (Page 37)

“But that’s what you’re doing.”

“I’m not freaking out.” I sucked in another sharp breath. Why was it so hard to breathe? Things were spiraling. This was not how it was supposed to happen.

“You are.” Jessie leaned in. “And as much as I want to freak out on the outside, I can’t, because people are watching. So put your napkin back in your lap, lean over and kiss me, and we’ll find a way to fix it later.”

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

“But first,” he said with a sigh, “it seems like we may need to make a visit to the retirement home.”

“Wear a cup,” Colin said helpfully.

Chapter Thirty-Seven

JESSIE

“Now remember,” Isla said for the fifth time, “this is more war zone than retirement home. And stay away from Stanley.”

“Stanley?” I repeated. “Who the hell is Stanley?”

“Just give him a wide berth.” Why was she shaking? And why was a man named Stanley suddenly after me? “He’s just as crazy as Goo-Poh, and they’re constantly fighting over position.”

I think every future erection just died. “Sexual position?”

Isla jerked her head in my direction before reaching for the entry doors. “No, you ass! Why is everything about sex!”

“You’re the one that said position! What was I supposed to think?”

She reached for the door, but I opened it for her. “Trust me, sex would be better than the territorial war they have going on. They fight over the annual Christmas party, Thanksgiving is a nightmare, and don’t even get me started on Easter.”

“Easter?”

“Shhh!” Isla cupped a hand over my mouth. “Not too loud, his hearing aid is always on high, you can’t breathe without him hearing about it. And if he corners you, there won’t be an escape without him telling you a two-hour story about the one time Goo-Poh forgot to decorate her door.”

“You’re shitting me.”

“To this day, he puts a paper cross on her door every week to remind her of her failures.”

Stunned, I could only stare at Isla and wonder what the hell sort of retirement home I’d walked into. Last time I’d only been aiming to get at her—this time, it felt like I’d stamped my passport and taken a ride on the crazy train.

We walked arm in arm down the hall, people waved, she smiled brightly. And then she quickly shoved me to the right so hard I rammed my head against the wall.

“Kiss me.”

“What the—”

Her mouth collided with mine so fast I had to hang on to her for support, and then all I was thinking about was the kiss.

And her soft body.

And the fact that even after Stanley walked by with a look of disgust on his face, I could still get an erection.

It was a win-win.

She pulled back and looked over her shoulder. My mouth followed her, aching for more, needing her taste, wanting to cover her body with mine and plunge into her like this morning.

“Oh good.” She pulled back and grabbed my hand. “Stanley’s also nominated himself the Night’s Watch.”

“Like Game of Thrones?”

“Yup, he’s a huge fan of Jon Snow, and he’s been known to wander the halls saying, ‘Winter is coming’ whenever Goo-Poh walks past. Naturally she retaliates with a Chinese curse. I think they secretly like each other but both are too stubborn to make the first move.”

“Why make the first move when you can live in a perpetual state of sexual tension? Sounds like a great way to live the rest of your days,” I muttered.

Isla grinned up at me. “Know a thing or two about sexual tension?”

“I almost mounted you next to the bread basket last night—so that’s a strong yes.”

She blushed that pretty pink. I wanted to kiss it away from her face, was about to, when she stopped in front of a door.

Sure enough, there was a paper cross taped to it. She ripped it off and knocked twice.

It jolted open.

“Goo-Poh!” She was doing a really bad job of selling the excitement.

Goo-Poh looked away from her and to me. “You drink the tea?”

“By accident,” I said through clenched teeth. “I had a headache.”

“Hah.” She motioned for us to come in. “Works every time.”

Son of a bitch.

Isla mouthed “Sorry” to me as we walked in.

I don’t think many things could have prepared me for what I walked into, and by the time the door shut behind me, I knew it was the beginning of the end.

Everything was wrapped in plastic.

Like Goo-Poh was a Chinese Dexter just ready to murder me and wrap my body up. I gripped Isla’s hand, but she just walked over to the couch, sat down, and began pouring fucking tea like I wasn’t about to get murdered by her aunt.

I sat next to her, and Goo-Poh sat on her right.

Isla looked at her as she poured, and stopped when Goo-Poh pressed two fingers to the table.

Isla nodded.

I wondered what the hell I was missing in the exchange, and hoped to God it wasn’t sign language for Yes, carry on with the killings.

“So.” Goo-Poh sat back against the plastic couch with her tea. “You’ve impregnated my niece.”

“About that—”

“This moment”—Goo-Poh grinned so wide I was afraid her face was going to crack—“I have prayed to the ancestors since she was born. I have told her every day that your duty to your family is to bring honor with more family. And the only way to do that is on your back.”

I choked on the tea Isla had handed me.

“With your legs in the air like so.” She flicked her wrist into the air. “To receive.” Was I supposed to say something back like You’re welcome? Or It was a great time, thanks for the boner tea?

“Uh,” I gulped and then smiled. “Well, as you know, I care about Isla very much.”

It wasn’t a lie.

But Isla would assume it was.

Her face fell slightly.

“But you need to know . . .” Shit, I was going to give her aunt a heart attack, her eyes were assessing as she locked on to mine and waited, her lips parted.

Was it hot in here?

I tugged at my shirt and cleared my throat as Goo-Poh tilted her head ever so slightly, like she was bracing herself for war or a great disappointment.

“That we . . .” I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t say it. “Couldn’t be more happy to be having a baby.” I spread my arms wide. Shit, I was going to hell.

The words just rushed out before I could stop them.

Isla pinned me with a glare I’m sure she learned from Goo-Poh, and I chugged the rest of the tea and prayed for the apocalypse.

She was happy! Her face. I didn’t want her to clutch her chest and say Isla brought shame upon the family!

“Oh.” Goo-Poh smiled wider and then stopped smiling. “You sure you did it right? Because sometimes these pregnancies, they don’t stick, you need to do it often and well.” She stood. “Here, let me just find a few things.”

She went to a cupboard.

I peered around Isla.

The cupboard was floor-to-ceiling.

Everything had a label.

Even the kitchen drawers had labels.

“So, I take it you learned how to label from her?” I whispered to Isla.

She chucked the plastic-covered remote at me. “What the actual hell!”