Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(7)
Author: A.L. Jackson

I didn’t know if he’d used his question as a distraction from where ever he had been caught up in his mind or if he really wanted to know about them. Looking at him now, I guessed maybe they were related.

I swallowed, oriented myself to his hidden world, found my voice. “They’re wonderful. It’s just me, my mom, and my two sisters. My mom…she’s strong. She taught us to be strong, to work hard for whatever we want in life.”

Christian had drifted closer, the side of his thigh pressed against mine. Tonight his eyes didn’t stray from my face, but remained steady, locked on mine, searching. I fought getting lost in the murky sea that was Christian Davison, in the places he didn’t allow people to invade, but seemed willing to show me now.

When he didn’t look away, I continued on. “My dad left when we were young. It was rough on my mom, but she never let it ruin her. She worked so hard to take care of us. Even though she worked long hours, she always made the time to make each of us feel special. Of course, my sisters and I had to take care of the house and each other while she was at work, but it just made us all closer.” I stuttered through a self-conscious laugh when I felt tears welling up. “We’re all really close, have always been.”

I quickly wiped them away. “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to get all emotional on you. This is the longest I’ve gone without seeing any of them.”

I forced a smile, wondering how this moment had gone from light to heavy in ten seconds flat.

Christian seemed to have that way about him.

“Don’t apologize. I wanted to know,” he said with a gentle curve of his mouth, and I realized he’d inched away, an almost indiscernible separation, but one I knew had been purposed.

I shook myself off, turned back to look at him in the dimness of the room. “So what’s your family like?”

He lifted one shoulder, dropped it just as quick. “You know the story…workaholic dad, self-absorbed mom, not much to tell.”

“I’m sorry.” I resisted the urge to reach out and smooth the pained lines creasing his forehead.

“Don’t be.” Christian sighed and ran his palms down the length of his thighs, breaking the tension in the air. “I should get going. This was really cool, Elizabeth. Thank you.”

I didn’t know if I should admit it, if he would take it wrong or if he would misunderstand, but I said, “I’m really glad you were here.”

Even if he did, I wanted him to know it was the truth. I loved being in New York, but tonight was the first night since I got here that I didn’t feel alone.

Christian had filled that place in me that needed someone, a friend, someone to listen.

I hoped I could fill that place in him, too.

Chapter Three

Christian

From her doorway, Elizabeth watched me walking down her hallway. I kept glancing behind me, making sure she was still there. The way she had her head cocked, her blonde hair fell in sheets of gentle waves over one shoulder, and that same smile that had torn me up the entire night whispered at the edges of her mouth.

All I wanted to do was turn around and bury my hands in those waves, to tilt her head up and press my lips to hers. She’d taste sweet. I’d put money on it. She’d have to rise to her toes to meet me, and I could almost feel the way the length of her body would mold against mine as she struggled to get closer.

The need was strong, and I knew I had to get away from her and put some distance between us.

I paused before I rounded the corner. Something inside me clenched with the thought of leaving her there. I just stared at her, having no idea how I felt or what I wanted to say. Finally I said, “Lock up behind me, okay, Elizabeth?”

Confusion fluttered across her face, and then she smiled with a little wave of her hand. “Of course. Good night, Christian.”

I nodded once in her direction and turned the corner, and Elizabeth disappeared behind me. I flew down the stairwell and out into the heavy night air. It was still hot, the skin at the nape of my neck beading with sweat that I wasn’t positive had anything to do with the humidity hanging in the air.

I just didn’t understand this, had no idea what I was feeling. I didn’t know if I should embrace it or run from it.

On Monday at the café, I couldn’t help but think Elizabeth was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. I’d flirted, messed with her, coaxed the shyness from her because it was just so freaking cute. I knew I wanted something more than I normally did from a girl, that I wanted to know her and see that smile light her face.

But tonight—tonight was entirely different. Tonight she had made me feel different.

I mean, yeah, I wanted her. Badly. I’d had a really hard time keeping the images at bay, ones of wrapping my hands around her thighs and tugging her away from the wall. I could almost hear her book hitting the floor when I shoved it aside and pressed her body into the bed with mine.

It’s what came naturally, what I would normally do, the instinct I had to reach out and take what I wanted.

She’d voiced it, made it clear we weren’t crossing that line, but I didn’t miss the way she reacted to me. Part of her wanted me, too.

But there was something that hung in that room that held me back, something in the softness of her eyes and in the sweetness of her voice.

Elizabeth had to be the most transparent, good girl I’d ever met in my life.

I couldn’t—wouldn’t—take advantage of that. It made me sick to think of tainting her. Knowing me, I’d take what I wanted, get bored, and push her aside. I wouldn’t mean to, but I’d hurt her, and I couldn’t stand the thought.

She asked me to be her friend, and I wasn’t going to f**k that up by giving into the overwhelming urge I had to touch her.

I could deal with it.

Elizabeth could see through all my bullshit, anyway. A sarcastic huff escaped my mouth. I was sorely underestimating Elizabeth. The girl could probably see straight into my soul.

Chances were, she wouldn’t let me touch her if I tried.

With a mumbled groan, I rubbed the tension from my face and dug my cell from my front pocket. Tom was on speed dial, and he answered on the second ring.

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Tom yelled over the deafening background noise. Music thrummed above the roar of indistinct voices. It sounded like the perfect escape.

“Just wondering what’s happening tonight.”

“We’re all at Sam’s. You headin’ over?”

“Count me in. I’ll be there in twenty.”