Lost to You (Take This Regret 0.5)(8)
Author: A.L. Jackson

Elizabeth only lived about a ten-minute walk from my apartment. Those minutes were spent defining what Elizabeth and I were.

I’d never had that in my life, someone who I truly felt comfortable with. Someone who made me feel exposed, and somehow I was still okay with that fact. Someone to share my secrets and my desires and the goals I had in my life with—the ones people saw weren’t always mine, but ambitions created by my parents and the society they expected me to fit into.

The crazy thing was, I wanted to know hers, too. Elizabeth Ayers had to be the coolest girl who’d ever walked this world. I wanted to see inside her the way she saw inside me, to listen when she talked about her mom and her sisters, to experience a life like that through her eyes—to see life the way Elizabeth saw it.

She was…refreshing.

At my building, I took the stairs two at a time and let myself into my apartment. Dropping my backpack to the floor, I shed my button-up for a fitted black tee. In the bathroom, I wet my hands under warm water, splashed some on my face, and ran two hands through my hair to tame it. I straightened and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. A grin clung to my face, something I doubted I could dispel if I tried. I realized I felt good. Really good.

Grabbing my keys, I headed out the door and jogged the two blocks to Sam’s place. I could hear the music pulsing as soon as I landed on his floor.

With a single knock against the door, I let myself in. Bodies were cramped nearly wall to wall. It definitely wasn’t the smallest apartment I’d been in since I’d gotten to New York, there were just a lot of people. Some huddled in groups where they conversed along the walls. Others pressed and throbbed against each other as they moved in rhythm to the music on the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the room. More were piled on the two couches or sat on the floor.

“You made it!” Tom yelled, a red cup lifted above his head as he shouldered through the crowd and cut a path to meet me. He reached out to welcome me with a fist bump.

I met him when I first got into town. He was from here, had some connections and knew the area. He was cool, a decent guy, my passport to Friday night. He was the one who always knew where it was happening and where I wanted to be. Sam’s was often it.

“Glad to be here.”

Tom placed a hand on my shoulder and began to lead me back through the crowd.

“Christian, good to see you finally showed up.” Jon gestured with his chin, clapped me on the back as I passed. “Where’ve you been all night?”

I lifted both hands with a shrug, could feel the smirk splitting my face. “Studying.”

“Ah…sure you were.” He laughed and went back to his beer and the girl hanging on his arm.

There were quite a few people I recognized, these Friday nights becoming my regular, the same faces, the same welcome. I shook hands with a couple guys and hugged a few girls as Tom continued to shout in my ear about who was here and what had been happening.

“Christian, my man.” Sam smiled as I approached. He slung his arm around my shoulders and maneuvered us around a group of people I’d never seen before. At the kitchen entrance, he stopped and waved inside. “There’s a keg and lots of ladies. Make yourself at home.”

“Sure thing.” I always did.

I grabbed a red cup, filled it until foam overflowed at the sides, and downed it in one breath. The beer was a little too warm as it glided down my throat, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from refilling my cup.

I chatted with a couple people in the kitchen, drank a couple more beers, and refilled my cup again before I wove back out into the main room.

Music pumped through the room, amplified the slight buzz I felt coming on as I sat down on the floor with my back propped up on the couch, my knees drawn up with my feet flat on the ground. This was the way I spent my Friday nights. One night a week, I allowed myself to forget it all, all the pressures my parents piled on me, the push to be the best, the drive to always work harder. For these few hours, I didn’t allow the words my father had drilled into me my entire life affect me. I just…forgot. Joked around with a few of the guys I’d kind of gotten to know. If I hooked up with some girl, that was always cool, too.

I snorted at myself. Really, that was the goal. Hang out with the guys, go home with someone with the intention of just feeling good for a few hours.

Sam and Tom stood on the other side of the coffee table, provoking each other, little jabs and shoves, the two so blitzed out neither could stand up straight. I knew what was coming. The two couldn’t seem to keep from making fools of themselves. I was always glad I remained on this side of the show, there to make fun of them for the stupid things they did. I wondered how many brain cells I lost every weekend just being in their presence.

The sad thing was, I actually enjoyed it, especially when I’d gotten a few beers in my system and I was feeling as loose as I was right then. A slight numbness weighted my arms and legs, and a dull thrum hummed in my ears.

“I think shots are in order,” Sam announced. He disappeared into the kitchen and re-emerged a minute later with a bottle of tequila and plastic shot glasses.

“Who’s up for a friendly wager? Last one standing gets the pot,” Sam said, offering up a challenge. Every weekend, it was the same. Tom and a couple other guys each tossed down twenties. As always, I passed, though I partook in the pouring and slammed three shots myself.

The room spun a little, and I scrubbed both palms over my face and tried to focus. There was movement at my side, and I looked to the spot where the toe of a heeled boot tapped my thigh. My gaze traveled up the long body. Lisa stood there, her full lips pulled into a flirty smile, her tanned legs exposed below the mini skirt she wore. “Mind if I join you?”

I grinned.

This. This was what I needed. Something to undo the knot Elizabeth had tied so tight inside me. The alcohol barely disguised it, distorted an ache I didn’t entirely understand. All I knew was I had to satisfy it.

I inched over to make Lisa room. “Not at all.”

I’d hung out with her before, had actually had real conversations with her a time or two. She was nice enough, maybe a little out of place here, like she was testing herself, learning who she wanted to be. She’d been the one who’d come after me the first time, not that I minded. She seemed pretty laid back, easy in every sense of the word. We got along just fine.

My blurred gaze fixated on her thighs as she awkwardly climbed down to settle beside me. She twisted her torso, just enough that when I looked her direction, we were face to face, nose to nose. I realized how hot I was right then, how my skin tingled and need coiled in the pit of my stomach.