Renegade (Page 2)

“That’s a good thing,” he murmured.

She tilted her head, offering him a small half smile. His clear blue eyes were soft, tender. His sandy blond hair hung about his handsome face and stark features. It was her fault that Max had even been placed in that whole awful situation. He had allowed himself to be captured after she was taken with the hope that he would be able to get them both free. Unfortunately, he had not anticipated just how much of a lockdown blood slaves were placed on. Though, she had been afforded far more freedom than he had.

She glanced down at her wrist, the one that had been scarred by the leash she had tried to rip from her. Unfortunately, once placed on, the golden leashes could only be removed by the vampire that had placed them there. In a moment of panic, frustration, and fear for Max’s life, she had tried to rip it off of her. All she had gotten for her efforts was a bloody wrist, bloody fingers, and a pissed off prince who had been so unbelievably tender afterwards.

She forcefully shut the thought down. Recalling the prince as tender and loving only reopened the raw and jagged wounds still festering upon her heart. “You never should have been there Max, I’m sorry.”

It was the first time she had apologized to him for her role in his capture; she hadn’t been able to get the words out before. She had wanted to apologize many many times, but neither of them wanted to be reminded of their time there. They both wanted to keep it to themselves, wanted to deny that it had even happened. And they were both failing miserably at it. It was obvious to anyone that knew them that they weren’t the same; that they never would be. No matter how much they wanted to pretend that their captivity hadn’t happened, they couldn’t succeed at it.

He was silent for a moment, his gaze distant as he stared across the lake. He turned slowly toward her, his eyes haunted, but there was something else in them, something more. Something she had never seen before. Or perhaps she had seen it, but she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it before. She couldn’t deny it now.

She couldn’t deny it, but she also didn’t want it. There had only been one other man that had ever looked at her like that, and in the end he had made her like this. He had left her shattered and broken, and barely able to breathe through the pain that continuously clawed at her insides. He had ruined her, and Max did not fully understand that yet. She hoped that one day he would. The last thing she wanted was to have Max hurt because of her again, but with the way that he was looking at her she felt it was inevitable.

“I made the choice to go after you Aria, it was my fault that I was caught, not yours. Even knowing what I do now, I wouldn’t change anything. I would never leave you alone Aria, never.”

She stared back at him, searching his face. She had always found him handsome, and she still did, but it was not the dark, dangerous ruggedness that the prince had possessed. Instead, Max was blond, with clear blue eyes, and an open sweet face that made many girls swoon. At one time he had even made her swoon. So much so that Max had been her first and only kiss, before she had met the prince. And then, she had known that no matter what feelings she had once possessed for Max, they had been nothing compared to what she felt for the prince.

And now the prince was gone, lost to her forever, and Max was looking at her with the same longing expression that the prince had stared at her with. She swallowed the lump in her throat, fighting against the tears that wanted to fall. Unlike the prince though, Max would never leave her alone, never betray her, never use her like the prince had. He would never destroy her as the prince had. Max would do everything in his power to keep her safe, to build her up again, and would sacrifice himself over and over for her. Even if the prince could have located her, even if he had wanted to, he never would have come for her. He had a fiancée he had to take care of now. A vampire to build a life with, and to have children with. She was nothing but a pitiful, human, toy to him.

Why did she still love the murdering bastard then? Why on earth couldn’t she love someone as wonderful, caring, and sweet as Max? But she didn’t, and she knew that she would never be able to.

Aria shook her head, trying to deny his words. “Max…”

“It’s ok Aria, one day you’ll forget him, you’ll move on.”

“You know about him?” she whispered, unexpected shame flooding her body.

She felt like a traitor, a monster, a fool. Her father was the leader of the rebels; her brother’s and Max were some of his strongest fighters in the cause, just as she had been before she had been broken. They had been willing to risk their lives for her, and she…

Well she had given her heart to a vampire, the oldest son in the royal family no less, the heir to the throne. They had been willing to die for her, and she had been falling in love with one of their greatest enemies. She thought of the prince as a monster, but she had also come to accept the fact that she was one too.

“I suspected,” he said softly. “You can’t blame yourself Aria, it was an awful time. Things were twisted and wrong in there. It’s not your fault that you wanted to trust him. Of course you did, it was frightening, and you became confused. He had a month to twist you to his way of thinking, to make you think that you could trust him, that you could love him.”

“Oh Max,” she breathed, wishing that the explanation was as simple as that, but she knew it wasn’t. The prince had not twisted her; he had not turned her terror and confusion against her. He had been kind and caring, and he had needed her, she knew that. Though he’d had an unknown fiancée the whole time, she knew that she had at the very least been a little special to him. But she still should have fought against her feelings even more, he was her enemy, he would always be her enemy, and they had never had a chance at a future. She had known all of that, and yet she had still gone to him willingly. Still offered him her blood with no reservations, and no fear.

She had given him her heart willingly also, it had not been twisted and distorted the way that Max believed it had. She hated to pop Max’s bubble of her, but he could not go about thinking such things. He had to know that she had not been corrupted in there, but a willing, even eager, participant. He had to know that she was a horrible person. He had to know these things so that he would stop looking at her like that, so that he would understand she could never care for him the same way that he cared for her.

“I’m sorry Max,” she whispered. “But that’s not what happened. He didn’t twist me, he didn’t corrupt me. He was kind to me, he took care of me. I may have been his blood slave, but he only treated me as such when it was absolutely necessary. I wish I could say that I hadn’t come to care for him, that I had remained loyal to you and everyone here, but I can’t. I loved him Max…” She broke off, unable to speak through the pain that clawed at her. “I still love him,” she choked out.