The Last Letter (Page 43)

I’d be too scared I’d screw up a kid.

But if I knew what I was doing? Yeah, kids would be great. I’ve never been the guy with the toss-the-football fantasy, but I could definitely picture something like that. I honestly don’t think about it, or anything in the future, really. When you want something, or have a dream, you have something to lose. I’m not a fan of being put in the position to lose anything. Not to say that I’m not a little reckless, but only with myself and the things I can control.

It’s wanting something that gets you into trouble. Wanting makes you discontent, when I need to be grateful for what I do have. I learned that lesson young. I like to think it makes me a better person—being content with what I have—but I hear your brother talk about you, and your family, and I wonder sometimes if maybe that lack of want is really a small form of cowardice. In that way, you’re much braver than I am. You have the ability to love beyond yourself, to risk your heart every day through your kids.

I respect that as much as I envy it.

Also, tell Maisie the next time a guy comes after her, she needs to go for the nuts. Little bullies grow up to be big bullies.

~ Chaos

…

“He winked at me,” I told Hailey as I tried on the lavender dress. “Winked.”

I loved the man, was seconds away from sharing my kids with him, and he’d winked at me. Pretty sure I’d hovered on the edge of an orgasm from that alone. Since when did he turn on the charm? And where had that charm been the last four months?

Broody Beckett, I adored.

Protective, playful Beckett, I loved.

But that Beckett who winked and kissed my palm? Yeah, I was lucky I hadn’t spontaneously combusted and burned down my business.

“So you’ve told me about a dozen times since we left the house. A few times at the salon, at least once during pedicures, and six or seven times while we were getting waxed. Did you see the ‘these rooms are for the quiet relaxation of others’ sign? Pretty sure we’re never going to be allowed back at that spa.” She flipped through her phone.

“Whatever. I’ve just never seen that side of him. He was all…”

“Flirtatious?” she asked, looking up. “Ooh, I like that one. Your boobs look great.”

I ran my finger along the neckline. “It’s not too much?”

“Nope. It’s retro hot. You look like a fifties housewife who gets her kink on in the bedroom.”

I rolled my eyes but moved my hips so the bell of the knee-length dress swished lightly. I loved the halter neck, the sparkly belt that defined my waist, and even the slight plunge of the neckline. Mostly, I relished the feeling I had being in the dress, that I was a woman, curved and soft and freshly pampered.

“I think I’m going to get it.”

“Beckett is going to lose his fool mind.” She hopped up and walked around the dressing room pedestal, appraising the lines of the dress. “Yep. This is going to end up on the bedroom floor.”

“Sure it will. Mine.”

“Seriously?” Hailey popped a hip and shot me a more than exasperated look.

“He’s afraid that being more than…whatever we are, would potentially screw us in the long term, and with the kids involved, and the Ryan stuff…” I shrugged.

“So walk into his room naked. That’ll change his mind.”

“Are you out of your mind? Why would I do that? I’ve had sex with one guy, Hailey. One. And that was seven years ago. To tell you the truth, it didn’t exactly ring my bell.”

“Because he probably didn’t know where to find your bell.”

I shook my head and smoothed the soft purple fabric beneath my newly manicured fingers. “It doesn’t matter. Beckett isn’t interested in me like that, and quite frankly, I shouldn’t even be having this discussion. I have bigger issues to worry about.”

I stepped off the podium and headed for the dressing room, leaving Hailey outside.

“He hasn’t slept with anyone since he’s been here, did you know that?” she asked through the slats in the door.

“What? How would you even know something like that?” I slipped off the dress and draped it on the hanger carefully.

“Because it’s a small town, nitwit. Everyone talks, and Beckett is very gossip-worthy. Speculation is he’s either gay or interested elsewhere…”

“I can tell you for certain he’s not gay.” I’d felt every delicious inch of him against me earlier, saw the way his muscles tensed when he pulled away.

“Duh. He’s not sleeping around because he wants you. Trust me, if I saw an opening there, I’d be all over that. I honestly don’t know how you haven’t just climbed on top of him and—”

“Because he told me no!” I flushed, thinking of our little failed moment on the couch. “Honestly. He told me no. His loyalty to Ryan trumps everything else.”

“Ella?”

“What?” I said, grabbing my shirt.

“You didn’t take the dress off, right? Because you’re supposed to meet him at the courthouse in like ten minutes.”

I grabbed my phone, swiping the screen to see the time. “Shit,” I muttered.

“Put these on, too.” She dropped a pair of black heels and a silver shrug over the door. “Come on, unless you want to be naked at the courthouse. And while, yes, I do think that would accomplish the sex mission, I do think it might interfere with the adoption mission.”

I dressed quickly and walked out of the dressing room.

“Turn,” Hailey ordered, and when I did so, she snapped the tag off the back, already holding a shoebox and another set of tags. “Come on!”

With an armful of my own clothes, we walked up to the register.

“She’s wearing all this.” Hailey dropped the tags and box on the counter.

The teenage boy looked me over and smiled. “I can see that.”

“But not for long,” Hailey added with a little wink.

Seriously, what’s with the winking today?

Hailey paid using Beckett’s credit card, and I felt that same flash of guilt I had at the salon. But I didn’t have time to focus on it as we raced for the courthouse.

Beckett stood outside in a perfectly tailored suit, his hair styled in sexy disarray. When he saw me, he smiled slow and wide, taking the time to drag his eyes from my polished toes to the soft waves of blond that fell to just beneath my breasts. He finally met my eyes and visibly swallowed.

“Wow.”

“Four thirty-one, and she’s all yours!” Hailey declared, handing Beckett his credit card.

“Thanks, Hailey.” He tucked the card inside his breast pocket.

“What do you say, Ella MacKenzie? Want to make me a dad?” He offered his arm, and my heart fluttered like the thousand butterflies that had taken up residence in my stomach.

“You could definitely go for that later,” Hailey whispered as I walked by, but I just shot her a little glare and turned my attention to Beckett.

Then I forgot all about Hailey and took his arm.

He smelled incredible and, as he opened the door for me, I leaned in to take a deeper breath. It was like the guy rubbed himself in new leather and wind and really yummy things. Whatever it was, it absolutely worked for him.

We walked through the foyer, and I paused at the sweeping staircase.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his tone gentle.

“The last time I was in this courthouse, I walked out married to Jeff. And as wrong as that decision was, I can’t regret it, because it gave me the twins. It led me to this moment. To you.”

His grip tightened on my hand, and his attention flickered to my lips.

Kiss me.

“There you two are!” Mark called from the head of the stairs. “Let’s get this show started, shall we?”

“Shall we?” Beckett asked, his voice low and rough.

“Yes. Let’s.”

A half hour later, we walked out of the courthouse with a piece of paper that said Beckett was now Maisie and Colt’s father.

I knew it was only to protect Maisie, to give her the very best shot she had at beating the disease, but the moment we’d both signed, it felt more significant than a business transaction.

A tiny but undeniable flame of hope had flared in my heart that it wasn’t just on paper—it was real.

My kids were now Beckett’s, too.

And I was head over heels in love with him.

…

“I hate him!” I swore as I slammed my front door four hours later. Beckett’s headlights faded as he headed back to his cabin.

“Hate who?” Ada asked, coming out of the kitchen.

“Beckett is my guess,” Larry said from the mudroom floor, where he was repairing Maisie’s dollhouse.

“Yes, Beckett!” I snapped. “Oh, thanks, Larry. I really appreciate that.”

“Did the adoption not go well?” Ada asked quietly, pulling me into the office.

“No, it was great. The whole night was perfect! He took me to dinner and ordered wine, and then took me up the gondola to the Village for one of those little open-air concerts and danced with me. The man danced with me! And then he brought me home, walked me to the door, and hugged me. He hugged me good night.”

The worry fell right off her face, and she sighed with a soft smile. “Oh, Ella. You’ve gone and fallen in love with him, haven’t you?”

“He hugged me!”

“Not that I blame you. He’s a good man; he really is. He’s spectacular with the kids, and kind, and dependable, and really easy to look at. Add in his knight-in-shining-armor complex, and you were bound to fall for him.” She took my hands.

“He hugged me,” I whispered.

“What are you going to do about it?”

“Nothing. He’s already made it clear that’s off the table, and I can’t blame him. I’m not exactly baggage free, you know. Two kids, one who is sick, a business to run, huge trust issues. I’m not really what someone like him would look for.”

“And what exactly is he like?”

“Pretty perfect.”

Ada sighed and dropped my hands. “Okay, well, you feel free to stay in here and pout. But just in case you feel like acting your age and doing something spontaneous, Larry and I are taking the guest room for the night. So we’ll be here. All night. And into the morning. You know…just in case.”