Collision Course(10)
Author: S.C. Stephens

I matched her grin as I looked over at her. One benefit of a small school, I suppose, you ran into a lot of the same students in class. There was a fifteen minute "break" between third and fourth period, so we had time to leisurely make our way down to the first floor, which held the upperclassman lockers. I thought over the upcoming class and swallowed a lump that was suddenly in my throat. Math Analysis. We were all going to take that class together. We were going to make our own study group and help each other get through tests. Okay, Lil, Sammy and I were going to study and help each other get through tests. Darren’s plan was to copy off of Sammy.

I pictured her in the hallway, just as we approached the lockers. She’d harshly smacked Darren on the arm after he’d told her that, and informed him that he could absolutely not cheat off her. Darren and I had given each other small smiles after she said that – of course she’d let him cheat off her. There wasn’t a whole lot Sammy wouldn’t let Darren do.

I walked to the locker that was assigned to me and paused before it, taking in the one on the right and the two on the left. Darren had bribed someone in the office last year to get all of our lockers together. Lillian had joked at the time that it was almost liked we all lived together while we were at school. I ran my fingers over the locker beside mine, the one that would have been hers. My breath started getting fainter.

Fingers brushed mine and I startled, almost expecting to see Lil again. I looked over and saw Sawyer watching me curiously, her fingers over mine on the locker, the locker where she was currently twisting the combination lock with her other hand. It finally registered then, that she was opening that locker, and shock knocked my breath back.

"This is yours?" My brows scrunched together as I considered that.

Her brows scrunched together too as she looked over my paling face. "Yes…is that one yours?"

She indicated the one beside hers and I absentmindedly nodded. "They gave you Lil’s," I muttered under my breath.

"Lil?" Her hand closed around mine and she stopped trying to open her locker. "Who is Lil? I’ve heard the name in whispers, but no one will really talk about her…and yesterday…" She looked down as my eyes watered, I wasn’t even sure if I could tell her about Lillian.

"Yesterday?" I said quietly, trying to prolong my agony.

She looked up and then back down the hallway, where I’m assuming a good section of people were watching us stand beside each other with her hand over mine. I resisted the urge to pull away from her, to spare her the rumors. She stepped closer to me when she looked back up to my face, our bodies nearly touching now, and I again resisted the urge to get some space between us. She shouldn’t be so close to me. I wasn’t good for her.

"You called me Lil yesterday in English…you looked really confused."

I dropped my head and closed my eyes. I’d nearly forgotten that I’d heard Lil’s voice and gotten confused, thinking for a moment that Sawyer was her. I’d been such an emotional wreck that day…I suppose I still was. I felt a tear bubble up under my eyelid and tried to will it back into my body. It escaped with my words however. "Lillian was my girlfriend…she died in the crash."

The beginning of a sob started to come out and I bit my lip hard and rested my head against my locker, not wanting to break down in the middle of school. Sawyer’s other hand came up to my back where she rubbed me consolingly over my jacket. She stepped even closer, to where we were pseudo-hugging, the movement shielding me from the public’s view and creating a tiny bubble of privacy as we stood close together, next to my dead girlfriend’s locker.

"I’m sorry, Luc. I didn’t know."

I nodded against the cool metal and concentrated on long inhales through the nose and exhales through the mouth. I would not break down in the hallway. Not around these people. Sawyer put her head against her locker and looked up at me. I looked down at her as another tear rolled down my cheek and instantly felt the connection again, like here was someone who almost instinctually knew my pain. Our eyes held for long seconds, and then she released her hold on my hand and brushed aside the tear from my face.

Just when I was feeling better, a hand shoved my back, hard, and I pushed into the lockers. I automatically turned my head and moved my body to step in front of Sawyer. An irritated Josh stood in front of me. His face was twisted in a scowl and his dark eyes flicked between mine and Sawyer’s. I could almost see the accusation in those eyes – ‘How dare you move on! Did Lillian and Sammy and my brother mean nothing to you?’ I swallowed my angry retort to the unasked question that I could clearly see building, and tried to remember that not too long ago, this had been a good friend…and he was all I had left of Darren.

"Josh, can we talk about-"

The minute my soothing tone hit him, his face twisted in rage. He didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t want to think of me as anything but an evil, soulless creature that had devastated his family. It was almost like he had died in that car as well, as unattainable to me as he was now. He brought his hands up and shoved me again, pushing me and Sawyer back into the lockers. She squeaked away at the last minute and tried to pull Josh off of me while he yelled obscenities at me.

"Hey, break it up!" Coach Taylor strode up to where a circle of encouraging students had gathered, students encouraging Josh. He pulled Josh off of me while those students started groaning at the fight being broken up. "You! To the principal’s office – now!"

He grabbed Josh’s shirt by the collar and started pulling him away forcefully. While he walked him away, Coach turned back to where I was still leaning against the lockers. "I want to talk to you later, West." He raised his eyebrows and gave me a look that had most freshmen scurrying to do his bidding. It didn’t intimidate me though. I didn’t really want to hear what he had to say.

The crowd started dispersing after Josh’s disappearance; a lot of them throwing me sulking glances, like it was my fault that Coach had stopped Josh from kicking my ass. I shook my head and watched them leave. Sawyer opened and closed her locker next to mine and shook her head as well. "Never a dull moment around you, is it?"

I looked over to her, wanting to explain and also not wanting to explain. Finally, I felt a little information was called for. I sighed softly as I said, "My best friend Darren was in the crash, as well as his girlfriend Sammy." I nodded my head in the direction Josh went. "That’s his little brother."

Sawyer turned to look at the direction he’d gone before swinging her dark hair around to look at me again. Her gray eyes were narrowed in anger and I interpreted her look. "Yeah, he blames me for killing him." I looked up at the ceiling and closed my eyes. "We all used to be friends and now he hates me…spreads lies about me." I was positive that more than a few of the rumors around the town were continually circulated because of Josh, and after he’d witnessed the tender moment between Sawyer and me, I was positive that rumors would be flying now about her as well. It wouldn’t surprise me if by the end of the day I’d "knocked" Sawyer up. Pretty funny, considering I was still a virgin.

Sawyer’s tone matched the heat I’d seen in her eyes. "No offense to your hometown, Lucas, but I sort of hate these people."

I cracked my eyes open and looked down at her cutely angry face. I smiled a little watching her, thinking that her irritation looked sort of like the female version of Darren’s. "Yeah…sometimes I do too." I straightened and pushed myself away from the lockers, deciding right at that moment to not use them. I’d rather lug around a heavy bag. "One more year…that’s all I have to give this place."

She finally smiled at me and together, we made our way to Math class.

Chapter 4

Feels Like Home to Me

Math was taught by Mrs. Chambers. She was short and wide with frizzy, brown hair and an exuberance for mathematics that I’d never understand. She bounced around the front of the room, clearly excited to teach our absorbing minds all the intricate facets of advanced equations. As Sawyer and I took a seat in our preferred section in the very back row, I hoped that she allowed calculators.

As usual now, several students stared at me as they entered the room. Several stared at Sawyer now too. I ignored the stares, Sawyer calmly returned them. I cringed when three members of the football team entered. They each sat around the smartest girl in our class and with the adoring looks she gave each of them, I was pretty sure they’d each get "tutored" and would have no problems passing this class. They also each gave me a hard stare before settling into their seats, luckily, near the front of the room. None of them bothered me though. Maybe Will had proclaimed me his whipping boy and they simply weren’t allowed. Or maybe their plan was just to ignore me. I shoved back the memories I had of each of them clapping me on the back after a tough win last year. It was almost hard to believe that at one time I’d considered the team near-family.

Mrs. Chambers energetically started taking attendance. She stuttered on my name and looked up at me with a surprised face, like she’d only just realized who I was, and that I was in her class. Apparently things outside of addition and subtraction took awhile to filter though her brain. I uttered "here" and stared down at my desk, not wanting to see yet another teacher giving me either condemning or sympathetic looks.

The class went by with the numbing boringness of an uninteresting subject being shoved down your throat. Math wasn’t a high point for me on a good day…and today wasn’t exactly a good day. It was better than yesterday, but still, not a great day.

I spaced out halfway through the lecture and visions of Sammy sighing and leaning her chin in her hand in front of me filled my head. I imagined Darren beside her smiling indecently and whispering dirty words. She’d giggle quietly and whisper back at him to shut up, which only made the words he’d spout at her even dirtier. I’d watched them play this game before. By the end of class, she’d be faintly blushing, either embarrassed…or possibly turned on. I tried not to think about it either way.

I felt a remembered vision of Lillian by my side, but I didn’t turn to look. In my vision, I heard her laugh softly at Darren and Sammy. I closed my eyes at hearing that remembered laugh in my head. It had been the most beautiful sound in the world. I slowly opened my eyes and considered turning my head to let this vision completely take me over…but I resisted. I remembered my dream and the ache I’d felt when that dream ended. As much as I’d like to dwell in memories of her, if I did it now, I’d probably start embarrassingly bawling.

Instead, I clenched my fists and dug my fingers into my palms, banishing the image of Darren and Sammy’s flirting, forcing my mind to the present. I struggled to absorb the lesson being taught but felt eyes on me, and finally turned my head. Sawyer was watching me with a slightly concerned look. She’d probably seen my twisting emotions, and after our moment by the lockers, probably thought I was going to either completely break down or bolt. I forced my body to relax and smiled at her, letting her completely memory-free face, bring me back to calmness. If I was going to make it through a year of this, I really needed to shut my mind off better. She smiled back at me, her fingers twirling around a dark strand of hair. She looked up at the boisterous teacher and then back at me. She cocked her head slightly and mouthed ‘are you okay’? I forced a wider smile and nodded, returning my gaze back to the teacher. Yeah, I definitely needed to relax.