Collision Course(24)
Author: S.C. Stephens

I grew to relish my time spent dreaming, and dreaded my time spent awake, so much so, that I’d started searching for ways to prolong slumber. I napped as often as I could throughout the day, and when that started to not work anymore, I’d scrounged through my mother’s medicine cabinet until I found her stash of Ambien, the stash she didn’t know I was aware of. I’d started popping them like candy, wanting to zone out and be with my friends, even if it was all in my head. I knew it was a bad habit to start, and I was never one to pop prescriptions before, but I wanted to see them, and it actually did help.

I’d just taken two when Sawyer unexpectedly showed up.

From what I could remember of the passing days, it was Thursday afternoon when a light knock filtered through my door. Just starting to feel the sleepy side effects of the drugs I’d taken, I shuffled to the door, not really caring who was at it. Still in my lounge pants (that I’d kind of been living in), I squinted a bit as the bright light of day hit me. My starting to lull mind startled into semi-awareness at seeing Sawyer and her super dark hair standing before me.

"Hey…hi," I mumbled when her face filled my vision. I leaned against the doorframe and blinked away the sleepiness trying to settle on me.

"Hey," she answered back, as her eyes flicked over my face. Her pale, gray eyes narrowed with concern while her lips curved down into an adorable pout. "You look awful, are you okay?"

I smiled and a sleepy laugh escaped me at the familiar phrase passing her lips. "I’m fine…just resting. Come on in." I stepped back and swung my arm out to indicate the room behind me.

Still frowning at me, she walked past. I ran a hand through my bed-head, messy hair and then down my scraggly face, realizing I hadn’t shaved in awhile and…actually, I hadn’t showered in a while either and I probably did look (and smell) a mess. I considered popping in the shower real quick while Sawyer looked around my living room, but discarded it when she sat on my couch and looked back at me still in the doorway. I hadn’t seen her in so long; I didn’t want to miss a minute.

I shook my head to clear the cobwebs and softly closed the front door before joining her on the couch. I wanted to throw my arms around her and squeeze her tight, but I didn’t. And not just because I didn’t want to be misleading anymore…I also didn’t want to offend her with my, I’m sure, rank scent.

She put her school bag on the ground before us and opened it. She began rummaging around inside it as that splendid voice that I’d missed so much spoke softly to me. "Sorry I’m so late in getting you your stuff." She sighed irritably while my slow mind tried to understand what she was talking about. "My parents had issues with me coming over here." She shook her head. "I told them it was just to give you your homework, but they still flipped out."

She grabbed a folder and some papers she’d found and handed them to me. My mind put the pieces together after she said "homework" and I smiled softly as I took the stack she had for me. I’d forgotten that she was going to do that for me. She sighed again and met my eye, just as I was about to thank her. "Ms. Reynolds eventually had to call them and explain the situation." She rolled her eyes. "She actually had to ask them to let me help you. I think she was going to come over here herself if they refused again. Luckily they didn’t, and I have exactly twenty minutes after purity club to get you caught up each day."

My slow smile stretched wider at hearing her story. I’d missed her so much and she’d been out there fighting for me. She was shaking her head at her parents’ over protectiveness when she narrowed her eyes again and searched my slowly blinking ones. "Are you sure you’re okay? You seem…out of it."

I rubbed my eyes to try and keep myself awake, to enjoy my twenty minutes, if that was all I got, and exhaled softly. "Yeah, I just took a couple of my mom’s sleeping pills before you got here. They’re starting to kick in…sorry."

Silence answered me and I looked over at Sawyer who was sitting very tall and straight on the couch, her eyes wide. "You what?"

I scrunched my brows at her odd expression. "I took a couple pills, so I could rest. It’s no big deal, Sawyer." I put a hand on her shoulder. "Relax."

She looked at my hand briefly before leaning into me and cupping my face, her eyes searching mine intently. I inhaled quickly at her closeness and nervous energy shot through me. "What are you doing, Sawyer?"

Her face and voice took on that ‘too old for seventeen’ tone that it sometimes could. "How many did you take, Lucas?"

I scoffed and pulled away from her, grasping her hands with mine. "Two…relax."

I held her hands firmly when she tried to lift them to my face again. My brows drew together, a little irritably, and her face scrunched to match mine. "Drugs, Lucas? I thought you didn’t do drugs?"

Feeling ashamed and angered by her question, and her tone, I tossed her hands away and stood up from the couch. "I took two pills to help me sleep, Sawyer. It’s no big deal. You’re acting like I’m a drug addict!"

She stood as well and stepped in front of me. "It’s dangerous, Lucas. It’s too easy to…" She closed her mouth and slowly shook her head, her dark hair rippling around the edges of my letterman’s jacket that she wore every day. "It’s not a good habit to start." She stepped closer to me, ignoring whatever odor I was surely producing, and put a hand on my arm. "Please."

I looked down at her suddenly concerned face, her eyes starting to mist over. Confused, I could only say, "I just want to sleep, Sawyer. I just…I need…" I shrugged and my shoulders suddenly felt like concrete blocks. "I just want to sleep my way through this. Through all of this…"

Her arms encircled me as she held me tight. "You can’t, Luc." I felt her exhale in a stuttered breath and I put my arms around her protectively, drawing her in tight. "Please…don’t…" She shook her head against my chest. "Find another way to deal with it…"

I leaned over her, resting my head on hers and savoring her warmth. I felt lighter with her near me, safer with her holding me. Feeling like I could do anything with her arms around me, I finally sighed and shrugged. "Okay, Sawyer…I won’t take them anymore. I promise." I ran a hand down her back, through her hair and we started to sway together slightly. She nodded against my chest and we held each other for a few long moments.

As time pressed in on us, we finally pulled apart. She wiped her slightly wet eyes and looked up at me. I brought a hand to her cheek and frowned. I’d seemingly hurt her and I didn’t understand why. I shook my head and whispered, "I’m sorry, if I…worried you."

With my hand still on her cheek, my thumb starting to brush back and forth across her cheekbone, she nodded slightly. Her lips parted as we faced each other and that warm, comfortable feeling took hold over me. I could make it through the day if I knew I’d get this moment of peace with her. It wasn’t the same as the hours of school that we used to have, but for now, it would have to do.

Without thinking about it, I lowered my head and lightly pressed my lips to hers. I was only aware of doing it after the fact. I pulled apart from her, my eyes wide and fearful. Great. Had I just crossed the lines of our friendship again? How often would she put up with me jerking her around emotionally? "Sorry," I immediately sputtered.

Her eyes were half closed and her breath faster. I dropped my hand from caressing her cheek as her eyes opened fully and met mine. Her cheeks faintly deepened in color and she looked away from me. "We should…we should go over your homework," she muttered as she stepped away from me and sat down on the couch.

I ran a hand through my hair and cursed under my breath. God, Lucas…what happened to not being misleading?

"Right." I carefully sat down beside her, watching her face for any signs of anger or embarrassment. "Thank you, for doing this for me."

She nodded as she picked up the stack of papers that had fallen from my hand when I stood up. She started flicking through them, picking out notes she’d written, a lot of notes actually. I watched her carefully while she went over all the assignments she’d gathered for me. I realized I wouldn’t be so bored anymore while she went over lesson after lesson. I tuned out the work as I watched her. She seemed fine…but she did avoid looking at me directly.

When she was finished, she glanced at a clock on the wall. "Damn, I’m late." She grabbed her bag and stood up, still not looking at me. "I’ll come by tomorrow, okay. Maybe I’ll skip out of club early and we’ll have a little more time together."

She walked past me and started for the door. I stood up and reached out for her, just catching her fingers as she hurried away from me. She looked back at me, her eyes guarded.

"I’m sorry about earlier, Sawyer. Sometimes I just…I don’t think." I shook my head, feeling really stupid.

She cocked her head at me as her eyes narrowed. "No…sometimes you don’t. You’re either pushing me away or pulling me close, Lucas." She shook her head and removed her fingers from mine. "One day you’ll have to decide what direction you want to go." She backed away, searching my face, and then turned and opened the door. "I’ll see you tomorrow." She looked down and her face was distraught when she raised it. "Please, don’t take any more of those pills."

I nodded and she started to leave. Right as she disappeared, her black head came back to look at me, her lips twisted into a grimace. "And maybe tomorrow…you could shower."

Although it was hard, I did what Sawyer asked, and stopped taking the sleeping pills. I wasn’t addicted to them or anything, but it was tempting to know that I could be sleeping, could be with Lil, but had to wait until my body was ready for sleep, instead of trying to force it there. When it took a few days for the drugs to fully leech out, for my body to not feel sluggish during the day, I realized I may have been overdoing them, and was grateful for Sawyer’s request. She was right, they weren’t a good idea. And I did still get to see my friends. My good dreams kept up, even after I stopped medicating myself.

It was a perfectly warm spring day, and I was walking in a field alongside a stream near my house. The sound of water gently splashing over small boulders met my ears and warmth from the sun hit my face. Light peeked through holes in the cloud cover and the tall, green grass tickling my bare feet was highlighted with sections of those bright rays. The field almost looked like a giant chessboard, and there, standing in the space where the Queen would rest, was my Queen, her hands clasped behind her and a beatific smile upon her face as she waited for me.

My smile matched hers as I walked through the patches of darkness and light to where she stood, drenched in rays of golden sunshine. Her pale hair nearly outshone that sun and the loose fabric of her light pink dress fluttered in the gentle breeze, lifting a bit at the knee to hint at the shapely thighs underneath.

Coming to join her in that patch of sunlight, I cupped her soft cheek and exhaled in relief at the contact. Firm but tender skin met my fingertips and once again, holding her was as real to me as anything I’d ever felt while awake. Her chin lifted and her blue eyes caught the light and sparkled with life. She leaned into me and I leaned down, her lips warm and soft when we connected.