Collision Course(22)
Author: S.C. Stephens

As if her words had reminded me of my body’s situation, I took a long drink of my water. Her eyes watched my every move as I tilted it back, taking as much as I could. The cool liquid relieving my ache reminded me of my revelation in the bathroom. As I removed the glass from my lips and set it on the coffee table, I sighed softly.

"I know what happened to me."

"What?" she immediately asked.

I looked over at her and her long, dark hair flowing over her shoulders. I had a strong desire to tuck a strand behind her ear, but I locked my hands together and leaned over my knees, resisting that urge. I didn’t want to mislead her…anymore than I knew I already had.

"Josh," I said simply. When her eyes looked bewildered, I filled in what little detail I could. "He had Randy dose my water bottle with…something, while he was busy tackling me in Astronomy. When I drank it later with your Aspirin, I took whatever drug he slipped me. Acid, ecstasy, speed…something like that."

Her eyes widened while she thought about that. She moved closer to me on the couch. "What? Why would he do that?"

"I think…" I looked over her features before I continued, "I think he wants to get me kicked out of school." I shrugged. "If he gets me kicked out…well, my chances of getting out of here would greatly dwindle." I smiled halfheartedly. "He either really wants me to hang around…or he wants to ruin me." I shook my head and stared over at the innocent looking show on TV. "I’m guessing the latter."

Sawyer’s hand came up to rest on my knee and I looked down at it and then over to her. Feeling an emptiness starting to overwhelm me, I leaned back on the couch and put my arms around her shoulders, drawing her in for a tight, side-by-side hug. Her arms slung around me, her hands pressing into my back, and she softly exhaled. I swallowed back the sudden emotion…and the guilt that I could never keep our relationship on a not-physical level for very long. I couldn’t help it. I needed her so much.

I dropped my head into the crook of her neck and exhaled a stuttered breath that sounded on the verge of tears. I hoped that wasn’t where my body was going. I really didn’t need to cry anymore around Sawyer…she’d seen quite enough of that. She started rubbing my back and whispering soothing words in my ear. I relaxed under her hands and felt that familiar peace wash over me.

I pulled back slightly and turned my head so we were just inches apart. Her lips parted as she breathed softly on me. I recalled my dream with Darren, him wanting me to go forward with Sawyer and leave Lil behind. I glanced down at Sawyer’s lips, so close to mine, the sun sparkling off them invitingly. I remembered the soft warmth of them yesterday, the soft sound she’d made when I’d touched her like that. Her breath stopped as I stared down at the form of those shapely lips. Beautiful lips, really. But different than Lil’s…different than what I wanted. I still wanted to be with Lillian, and I couldn’t keep playing with Sawyer’s head. That wasn’t fair.

Those lips started coming towards me and I instinctually pulled back. I glanced up at Sawyer’s eyes and immediately saw hurt and rejection there. She started to turn her head away from me and dropped her arms from my back. My hand went to her cheek and turned her back to me.

"You’re my only friend, Sawyer. I’m so sorry about what happened yesterday." I held her face gently, making sure she kept eye contact with me. "I’m sorry if I hurt you…or misled you." My eyes flicked between hers as she flicked between mine. "You’re my best friend. I don’t ever want to lose you…but that’s all I can be right now."

Her eyes glassed over, but she nodded and removed my hand from her cheek. She held it in her lap. "I know, Lucas. I understand…about yesterday. I’m not angry…or misled." Since I felt like we’d just almost had another inappropriate moment, I wanted to say more, say something, but she switched topics on me, effectively closing that door, for now. "What are you going to do about Josh?"

I relaxed back into the couch, dropping my head back on the cushion and staring up at the ceiling. Her hand still holding mine, laced our fingers together. I closed my eyes and sighed softly. "I have no idea…" I turned my head and opened my eyes to look at her. "Suggestions?"

She smiled and brought her legs up underneath her, shifting to face me on the couch. "Kick his ass so hard that he’d be too afraid to try anything else?"

She laughed softly and I joined her. "Yeah, I could always try that…"

She stopped laughing and a seriousness blanketed the couch. "Luc…you should tell one of the teachers. Ms. Reynolds maybe? Tell her that he drugged you." Her other hand closed over our still laced together fingers and she gently squeezed.

I looked at our hands for a moment and then I shook my head. "Why? You know how they see me. They wouldn’t believe me. Even Ms. Reynolds wouldn’t believe me. No one believes me." I whispered that last part.

She sighed and shifted her body to rest her head on my shoulder. "I believe you, Luc."

I pressed my lips into her hair. "Thank you," I breathed.

She stayed with me for awhile on the couch, holding my hand and watching that mindless show on TV with me. I relaxed back on the cushions, careful to not move too much as my head cleared, and continually drinking from my super large glass of water. Sawyer rested her head against my shoulder and a comfortable silence fell between us.

I watched her from the corner of my eye while we rested together. She’d occasionally adjust her head against me, her dark hair flowing down my arm as she snuggled closer into my side. Her fingers against mine were warm and dry, comfortable. Her other hand played with a frayed patch of denim on her often worn pair of jeans and her toes, just showing from underneath where she’d tucked them under herself, unconsciously drew patterns in the couch. She seemed completely comfortable and relaxed here with me, and I relaxed in kind, happy that I hadn’t messed things up too much with my impaired mind yesterday.

She noticed me seemingly checking her out and pulled back to look at me. "What?" she asked as she looked over herself quickly.

I smiled at her reaction and shook my head. "Nothing. I was just watching you." She looked back at me with an odd, almost appraising look and I quickly covered my, once again, could be misleading statement. "This is nice. Why haven’t you wanted to hang out with me here, before today?" I cocked my head as I watched her reaction.

She pulled back from my shoulder and bit her lip. "I have wanted to…it’s just…"

"My mom?" I asked, as I shifted slightly to better face her.

She shifted as well and tucked her long hair behind her ears. "No…not really." She looked down and sighed, and for a moment, I thought she wasn’t going to explain it to me. That would be fine; I still wouldn’t press her for details she didn’t want to give. Just when I was about to pull her back into my shoulder, so we could keep watching TV, she looked up and answered me. "I did something really stupid with an even stupider guy, and I’m trying…" she looked away from me, "I’m trying to be smarter." She looked back at me and frowned. "Sometimes, I don’t feel like I succeed at that."

I frowned, my mind suddenly full of questions. "You don’t…you didn’t want to be here with me, because you thought…" I wasn’t sure where to go with that and I let my sentence trail off.

She looked over my confused face and sighed. "I always wanted to come in, Luc, really, I did…I do. I just didn’t want to get too fond of you," she looked down and picked at a strand of fabric on her knee, "if this wasn’t going to last."

"Hey…Sawyer…" My hand started to reach up for her cheek but she looked up at it and I paused in my reach while she stared at my hand.

I dropped it when she looked up and met my gaze. "I know you’re hurting, and you need someone around, Luc." She shrugged. "I just wasn’t sure if that would always be me."

I shook my head, not even able to comprehend that. Why wouldn’t I want her around? I always wanted her around. "Sawyer, you mean every…" I couldn’t finish my emotional thought and let it die between us.

She cocked her head as she watched me struggle to find something compelling to say to her. "Besides, my dad really wouldn’t let me come over. They wouldn’t even like me being here now, on the weekend." She shrugged, like she was just used to how protective they were.

A bit of the tension that had been building in the room faded away, and I let my more emotional thoughts drift off with it. Embracing the semi-playful look on her face I said, "Why are your parents so strict with you?" I raised an eyebrow mischievously. "Besides hanging out with me, you seem to have good judgment."

She laughed a bit at my statement and leaned into me. "Well, remember the stupid thing I did?"

I frowned as I thought back to her earlier comment. "With the stupid boy?"

She nodded. "Yeah…" Then she frowned and a deep sadness marked her features. "They moved me out here because of what I did. They both gave up a lot to do that, and we didn’t have a whole lot to begin with." She ran a finger over her holey jeans and sighed. "I messed up a lot for them, and I just…I don’t push it." She looked up at me and sighed while I frowned. "I deserve their strictness."

Without meaning to, I muttered, "What did you do, Sawyer?"

She bit her lip and shook her head, obviously not wanting to talk about it. "I made a mistake," she finally whispered. She raised her eyebrows at the end of her sentence like I should understand that. And I did. If anyone understood mistakes…it was me.

As her eyes started to water, I dropped the conversation and pulled her tight to me. I felt her silently cry against my shoulder and cradled her head with one of my hands while the other clutched her back firmly, pulling her even closer.

"It’s okay, Sawyer…I understand."

I didn’t understand the details, but I understood the emotion. Whatever she’d done, had uprooted her family and put her under near house arrest. Whatever she’d done, hurt her and continued to hurt her. Whatever she’d done, made her feel out-casted from the rest of our school. And whatever she’d done, had probably been a huge reason why she and I had bonded so quickly. She really did understand my pain and loneliness. She’d felt her own version of it.

I held her a bit longer and then wiping her eyes, she pulled away from me, saying her parents would be home soon and she needed to go. I nodded and walked with her to the door, handing her my letterman’s jacket before she opened it. She smiled as she slipped it on and I smiled watching her. I didn’t know all of her story, just like she didn’t know all of mine, but we needed each other anyway, and I liked that it was a mutual feeling.

I waved at her as I watched her drive away, then I sat back down on the couch and avoided moving and avoided thinking. I sort of managed both.

The rest of my afternoon was dull and unproductive. Well, I suppose I did eventually fix the cracked wall in the bathroom. I didn’t get around to it until after my mom came home, but she didn’t say anything about it if she saw it. She didn’t say much of anything, really. Just that she loved me and if I ever wanted to talk to her about anything, she was here for me.

I took that to heart, but still decided to keep my demons to myself. She didn’t need to know the things I knew. She didn’t need my memories haunting her, like they haunted me. I smiled, and remaining silent on all of the painful subjects that swirled around in my head, kissed hers, while we set about making a more substantial dinner than my usual Hot Pockets.