A Hope and a Chance(81)
Author: Jennifer Foor

I stood there in shock. What was happening? Did she just leave me? I was crushed.

I’d just gone from citizen high to citizen low.

I couldn’t let him blow an opportunity like this. I did what I had to do. I lied.

Chance was everything to me, and he was the only future that I wanted, but to see him struggle with a decision like that because of me made me so angry. He should have said yes, even before speaking to me. The fact that he waited for my decision was wrong. I couldn’t be with him when I knew he would regret that decision forever.

Once he was enrolled and doing well I would tell him the truth. If he still wanted me then, we’d figure it out.

Suddenly, I realized what I may be giving up. I wanted to run back to him and tell him I was lying, but I couldn’t. I just kept running down the street; running from my reality of what I’d just pushed away. I was forcing Chance away so that he could have a real second opportunity at a life that should have been his in the first place. Just because he met me didn’t mean he had to pass on it.

I’d gotten about three blocks from my house when I heard a familiar sound. Chance’s motorcycle pulled up beside me. “Hope, what are you doing?” He demanded an answer.

“Chance please, I can’t get into this with you right now,” I said while trying to avoid his face.

“I know what you’re doing. I won’t let you do this to us, because you think it’s the right thing for me. You’re wrong. I know you love me. I know you want this. I know you want our future.” I felt burning in my throat as I focused on denying his claims. I wanted to tell him he was right. Running into his arms would have been so much easier. I just couldn’t live with myself knowing that I kept him from something he thought was out of his reach. I had to let him want to try.

“You need to do this. Just accept the offer and see this through. Please,” I begged.

He grabbed me by the arm and forced me to look at him. His hands cupped my face. “There is no fucking way I’m going to let you do this, Hope.”

“I don’t want what you want anymore,” I lied in a low tone. It took everything I had to keep a straight face. I felt like I’d just stabbed myself directly in the heart.

“Stop lying!” Chance grabbed both of my arms. “Please don’t do this to me.” His eyes filled with agonizing pain as I watched the first set of tears drop down his cheeks. “You make me want to live again. I don’t want this if you aren’t a part of it.”

Just seeing my handsome boyfriend shedding tears because he feared he was losing me made me start sobbing. I put my hands over my face to try and hide my emotions from him. “I just want you to be happy.”

He tugged my hands down. My vision was blurred by the amount of liquid in each of my eyes, but I could see that he was looking directly at me. “Don’t you get it? Don’t you understand? You are what I want. I may not have known it then, but from the first moment I met you, I knew you were important. I know we’re young, but there was never a doubt for me. I love you and I want to marry you, and someday have our own family.”

I shook my head. “School is important, Chance. You can play ball again.”

A couple cars passed, reminding us that all of this was transpiring in public for anyone to see. I was at the point where I didn’t care. I ached from the inside out, knowing that this decision was going to destroy me while still going along with it.

“Dammit, Hope! Are you even listening to me? Yes, I was excited about the offer, but none of that is as important as us. I want you to do something. I want you to look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t feel the same way. If you can say that to me then I will believe you. I will accept Mark’s offer and throw myself into Virginia Tech. I need to hear you say it though.”

I took a deep breath and looked up at him. His eyes were red and it was apparent that he was frustrated. I didn’t know what to do. On one hand, I wanted to throw caution to the wind and give in to my own desires.

“I can’t, Chance.” I looked down at the ground.

He put his hands around my face again. “Stop fighting me. I’ll always choose you.” He said as he put his lips on top of mine. “I’m already enrolled in the community college and have my schedule picked out. I am not throwing away anything that I need in my life. I promise you.”

Realizing that my father could come driving down the road at any moment I backed away from Chance. “Maybe we should talk about this somewhere else,” I suggested.

“Do you trust me?”

“With my life.”

“Stop trying to make my decisions. You aren’t some summer fling, or some young love. Besides, I haven’t played ball in such a long time. I don’t know if I could even get back into it the way I was before.”

I looked away, feeling defeated. “Fine.”

He ran his hands through his hair as if he wasn’t satisfied. “Do you want a ride back to the house?”

“No! I’m just going to pretend I was out for a run. I’ll meet you back there.” I watched as he climbed back on his motorcycle. “Wear a helmet next time.”

“Sorry, I saw my future running away and I didn’t have time for safety.” He gave me a wink and took off toward the house.

I ended up walking the whole way back giving me time to reflect on what had just happened. I guess I was an idiot to think Chance would just give up on our relationship. The cards were all on the table now. Chance was very clear about his intentions with where our relationship was going. He was right about one thing. I wanted the same.

There was a part of me that wished he would have just said yes. The separation would be something that we dealt with already; surely, we could do it again. Maybe he was right about not being in the same place he was when he played ball last. I didn’t want his decision to be based on just me. I hated that he would do that.

Perhaps he would have said no after thinking about it. It bothered me, but not as much as the look in his eyes when I lied to him. I couldn’t do that again.

48

It really ticked me off that Hope assumed she could just walk away without a fight. Had she not been in the bed with me earlier confessing our feelings? She was insane to think I’d let her go just because a scout looked my way.

Sure, for my entire life baseball had come before anything. The murder of my friend, and my absence from the world had shown me what else was important. I no longer dwelled on what could have been, and now looked to what I might be able to have. What I knew for sure was that I needed to wake up to Hope’s smile every day for the rest of my life. Her name said it all; she gave me hope.