Ethan (Alluring Indulgence #5)(74)
Author: Nicole Edwards

All of this… because of him. He was the reason for the hate and the anger, the bitterness and the nasty fucking words. Didn’t matter that his oldest brother was bisexual, it all seemed to be centered on him.

He fucking hated it. Hated that he had to hide, that he wasn’t free to live his life or love who he wanted all because of the closed-minded assholes that lived in this town. If he were smart, he’d have left long ago.

But he couldn’t. Couldn’t bring himself to leave his parents or his brothers. That’s not what a Walker did. Even if it was in an effort to protect them.

Did that make him selfish? That he cared more for his family than what they had to endure from the bigots who insisted on getting in their jabs?

Maybe.

Probably.

He remembered watching Beau fall into step with his brothers to confront Jimmy’s dumbass comment. Torn between lust and fear, Ethan hadn’t been able to think of anything other than protecting Beau. Making sure he didn’t come face to face with the nastiness that was Jimmy Reardon.

Not to mention, he’d been hit right between the eyes with a bolt of lust so powerful, he’d been surprised to find he wasn’t flat on the floor.

The guy was hot as hell and when he moved in to defend Ethan – because Beau would’ve been the only one other than Sawyer who could put two and two together to realize that Jimmy had been talking to him, simply because Ricky had been present – he hadn’t known quite what to do or think.

At first, fear had lit him up like a roman candle. He had worried that Sawyer was going to let go of the rage he’d bottled up inside over the incident from years ago. And yes, it was Ethan’s fault because he had begged his brother not to say anything to anyone. And to this day, Ethan knew he hadn’t. Sawyer was loyal like that.

But Ethan had also worried about Beau. Worried that he was going to say something that would have the assholes turning on him. Ethan would much rather take the brunt of their hate than for Beau to have to experience even an ounce of it. But Beau hadn’t overreacted. He’d kept a lid on his anger although it was palpable, right along with everyone else’s.

And now, as Ethan pushed open his front door, the heavy wood slamming against the wall behind it, he was full of rage. But more than that, he needed Beau. Was anxious to see him again, to touch him, feel him, release all of the pent-up anxiety on him because he knew Beau could handle it. Anything to help him forget all of the memories that flooded him when he’d seen Jimmy. The sight of Gavin’s older brother brought back the horror of that night, but worse, it brought back memories of what had happened after. The event that no one spoke about.

So yes, Ethan needed Beau. He needed the distraction. As it was, Ethan had given himself a pep talk, a very vivid reminder that what he and Beau shared was nothing more than physical attraction and as happy as he’d been to see Beau at Moonshiners, he had to remember that they couldn’t do public outings. Especially not together.

This was temporary. Lust induced. Only sex. Ethan was not falling for Beau. Didn’t matter that he didn’t believe a fucking word he told himself. He didn’t have a choice. It was in everyone’s best interest if Ethan remained on the periphery of everyone’s thoughts. Tonight was evidence of how crucial it was for Ethan to remember that.

There was no way he could give in to the other emotions that had made a prevalent appearance when Beau had barreled his way into his life. As much as he wanted to be that guy, he had to remember that the Jimmy Reardons and the Ricky Dillingers of the world were out in full force, and the last thing Ethan wanted to do was to drag his family’s good name, or Beau for that matter, through the mud because of who he was.

As it was, they already had to carry the weight of the resort and that lifestyle that his brothers had indulged in. Strange how people were more accepting of that than they were of him being gay.

The knock on Ethan’s front door set off a hammer in his chest. His heart pounded, the fury trickling through his veins like it was being fed intravenously.

His stomach twisted, an all-out assault on his nervous system that made his hands shake, his chest hurt.

“Open the door, E.” Beau’s deep voice slipped through the barrier of the door and penetrated something deep inside of Ethan.

Despite the personal demons he knew he would always face with the dawn of another day, Ethan wanted to shut out the world behind his front door and cherish the time he had with Beau tonight. It was all he should be thinking about.

Opening the door, he tried to appear cool and collected, a skill he’d honed over the years, but he knew he hadn’t succeeded as soon as Beau’s golden eyebrows furrowed.