Ethan (Alluring Indulgence #5)(75)
Author: Nicole Edwards

“Come in,” he grumbled, taking a step back so Beau could enter.

When Beau was inside, Ethan shut and locked the door before thrusting his hands into his pockets to keep from grabbing the handsome man now standing in the entryway. Gotta play it cool, Walker.

“You all right?” Beau asked as he dropped a duffel bag onto the floor at his feet, a suspicious gleam in his dark brown eyes.

He took a deep breath, let it out. Leaning back against the door, he let his head thump against the wood, but even that pain didn’t slow the slow boil from the anger.

“No,” he finally said, opening his eyes to peer at Beau. “I’m not fucking all right. I’ll never fucking be all right.”

What the hell was wrong with him? This was Beau. He was supposed to be seducing him, getting him naked and ravishing him while he had the chance, but he couldn’t seem to get past the rage welling up inside of him.

Everything seemed to be coming to a head. Between Blake’s comments last night, his own insecurities over the way he feared Beau was handling him and now the altercation tonight. He was losing the battle. His sanity was on the line, and one more misstep and Ethan feared he would totally lose it.

Pushing off the door, he started past Beau but was pulled up short. Beau’s hand was firm, yet not painful, on his arm, but Ethan couldn’t contain his body’s natural reaction. Spinning around, he shoved Beau hard.

Fuck. What was wrong with him?

Before he could apologize, he found himself up against the wall, his cheek pressed against the sheetrock while Beau’s massive body crowded him from behind.

He waited for Beau to lay into him, to tell him he wanted no part of the anger, but that’s not what came. For long, silent seconds, they stood there, Beau restraining him while he fought to breathe.

“I get it,” Beau whispered, his lips pressing softly against his ear. “I’m not here to fight you though.”

“You get what?” Ethan snapped, twisting hard, but unable to escape Beau’s uncompromising grip.

Beau’s grip tightened on Ethan’s hands now clasped behind his back between them.

“I get that you’re angry,” Beau said, his voice still smooth and steady, completely the opposite of the turmoil raging inside of Ethan.

“How the fuck can you be so calm? It doesn’t fucking bother you what they say? That one day they could be saying that about you? That you could be the one they target? You’ve never had the shit beaten out of you because you’re gay, have you?” Ethan was practically yelling the words, the anger intensifying the more he spoke.

He didn’t give a shit that he was telling Beau things he swore he’d never tell anyone.

“Is that what happened to you?” Beau asked, his body pressing intimately against him.

Ethan sucked in air, tried to clear his brain, but he failed. His emotions were strangling him to the point he thought he might choke to death from the weight of them.

“Talk to me, E.”

“Let me go.”

“Not gonna happen.”

The knowledge that Beau wasn’t going to let up, he was there for the duration, prepared to endure Ethan’s anger, had something loosening in his chest. The air still rushed in and out of his lungs, and his heart still pounded like a jackhammer in his chest, but the comfort came by way of Beau’s body against his.

Beau rested his forehead against the back of Ethan’s head and the gesture calmed him like nothing else. When his hands loosened on Ethan’s wrists, he found himself not moving, not trying to get away. Instead, he linked his fingers with Beau’s and held on tight. This man was like an anchor, keeping him afloat in the dark, deadly waters that threatened to suck him under. He didn’t want to go under. Hell, he wanted to get out of the water forever, to walk in the sun, but that didn’t seem to be an option.

“I’m sorry you had to be there for that,” Ethan said as they stood there in silence.

Beau stepped back, and the warm security of his body was ripped from him, making his hands shake, but before he could build up the anger again, Ethan was being turned so that he faced Beau fully.

“I’m not. I want to be with you,” Beau said. “Shut up,” he snapped when Ethan started to talk. “Let me finish.”

Ethan knew he looked shocked, but he couldn’t help it.

“I want to be with you. By your side. I don’t want us to have to hide, but I understand. Doesn’t mean I agree with it, and it doesn’t mean I’ll do it forever, but for now, I’m here. With you. Only you.”

Ethan stared into mocha colored eyes that were so rich, so warm, he thought he might lose himself in them for eternity.