Eyes Wide Open (The Blackstone Affair #3)(24)
Author: Raine Miller

So back to what could be. Pregnant. A baby. A child. Ethan’s baby. The two of us parents . . . I’m quite sure that when Ethan suggested we should get married, he didn’t have becoming a father in mind. He’d make a wonderful father, though. I’d seen him with Zara and the boys. He was so good with them. Playful but with some common sense. He would be the kind of father I had. The best. If that was something he even wanted. And I was terrified, because I just did not know the answer to that question.

Picturing Ethan in the role of daddy is what broke me. The tears came then, and I couldn’t hold them back for even one more second.

I cried there on the grass lawn of a beautiful stone manor perched along the Somerset coast, at the foot of a mermaid angel that looked out to sea. I cried until there were no more tears in me and it was time to move on to the next stage of this process. I’d already done denial and anger. What was next? Bargaining? Ethan would have something to say there. I felt guilty again for leaving him at the house. He was going to hate me . . .

Strangely, the crying jag helped, because I did feel marginally better. I was terribly thirsty, though.

I needed water and figured dehydration was the culprit. All that puking and running will do it to you. I looked around for a faucet and spotted one. I walked over and turned the handle to let it flow for a bit before cupping my hand and bringing the water to my mouth. It tasted so nice, I drank handful after handful until I was satisfied. I did my best with my face too, trying to wash away all the tears and snot and absolute disgusting mess I was by now.

I came back over to my place beneath the mermaid angel and again watched the sea for a time. My wet face felt cool in the breeze until it dried in the wind.

It’s time to look now.

Time to look and see what the cards had in store for me. I was as ready as I would ever be, I decided. As I reached into my pocket for the stick, I felt another wave of nausea take hold of me and wondered how I could possibly vomit up anything else.

Apparently even water wasn’t welcome in my stomach, because I was reduced to kneeling over the rocks and heaving again as all that lovely, refreshing water came right back up.

I stayed back the whole time. I gave her the space she asked me for and respected her wishes.

Until she got sick again.

I couldn’t let her suffer through that alone. Not my girl. Not when she needed some help and compassion from someone who loved her. Seeing her sitting beneath the mermaid statue and then weeping her heart out had been hard to watch. I didn’t have any other choice, though. I wasn’t letting her go it alone outside in public where she was at risk. It just wasn’t going to happen like that. I’d made sure the GPS was activated on her mobile after that morning she went out for coffee and met up with Langley on the street. The cocksucker. And since she had her mobile with her and turned on, I had been able to track her movements for nearly the whole way. The stop into the Sea Bird Café surprised me, though. I wondered why she’d done that. The statue made much more sense to me. It was very peaceful here. I could immediately see why she’d come back to this place to be alone.

“I’ve got you,” I said as I touched her back and gathered up her hair—again—for more times than I cared to count.

“Oh, Ethan . . .” she choked out in between the heaving, “I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry—”

“Shhhh, it’s okay. Don’t fight it, baby.” I rubbed over her back with one hand and held her hair with the other. “It’s just the water you had coming up now.”

When she was finally done she drooped like a wilted flower, hunched over the ground looking so very ill. I knew I needed to get her back to the house as soon as possible. She was in desperate need of Fred’s doctoring and some rest.

I pulled her up to me on unsteady legs, her tragic state shredding me from the inside out. I couldn’t help but feel horribly guilty for doing it to her too.

“Th-thank you for coming to f-f-find me,” she chattered, her lips looking more blue than anything. She was chilled and shivering, so I took off my shirt and put it on over hers, hoping the extra layer would warm her a little.

She was compliant, allowing me to take charge, and that was a massive relief. Taking care of her was something I could do. I didn’t need much, just the assurance she wanted my help. Wanted me.

“I’ll always find you.” I picked her up and started walking down the long drive of Stonewell Court to where I’d parked outside of the gate. She closed her eyes and put her palm on my chest.

Right over my heart.

It always amazed me at how easy it was to carry her. I knew why. It was because she carried my heart with her wherever she went. My heart was in her hands, and carrying her was some form of self-preservation, maybe. Holding her, holding me up.

I couldn’t explain it, but I understood it. Made perfect sense to me.

I said it again. “I’ll always find you, Brynne.”

As soon as I got her back to Hallborough, Fred told me to take her upstairs to our room and put her into bed. She was asleep when I laid her down. She didn’t even wake up when I took off her shoes and tucked the blanket around her.

My baby looked awful. I’d never say that out loud, but she did. It didn’t mean she wasn’t still the most beautiful woman in the world, though. To me she was. My beautiful American girl.

Fred came around to the other side of the bed and pinched the skin on her arm a few times. He took her pulse from her neck and then her temperature at her ear. “She’s severely dehydrated with an elevated pulse. I’d like to stick her with an IV. She needs the fluids right away or she could be in trouble. Her body mass is low and she can’t afford to—”

“Can you do that here so she doesn’t have to go into hospital?”

“I can but I have to run ’round to the clinic to get what I need, and someone will have to monitor her the entire time.”

“I’ll do it.” I looked back at her sleeping, hoping she was having a good dream at least. She deserved that. “I’m not leaving her.”

“And what’s the verdict? Am I going to be an uncle or not?”

“I don’t know, Fred. She never said. We still don’t know . . .” I wanted to know so very badly, though.

As soon as Fred took off, I pulled back the covers to get her out of her jeans. I wanted her comfortable in this bed since she was going to be in it for a good while. Hell, yes she would! She’d get some rest if I had to tie her down to the f**king bed.