Eyes Wide Open (The Blackstone Affair #3)(26)
Author: Raine Miller

Next I tackled my hair, which I have to say looked pretty damn horrific. I didn’t even want to think about what might be dried in there. I really wanted a shower, but I knew there was no way to navigate it out by myself when I was still hooked up to an IV. Brushing and braiding my hair into one long rope on the side improved things somewhat, but I still looked like hell. I eyeballed the bathtub.

“What are you doing out of bed?” Ethan barked from the doorway, a heavy scowl on his beautiful face.

“I had to go to the bathroom.”

“And are you finished?”

I nodded and looked longingly at the magnificent marble bath.

His eyes followed mine to the bathtub. “Don’t even think about it. You’re getting back into bed.” He pointed, still glaring.

I raised both brows. “Are you telling me where to go by pointing?”

“Yup. And it’s thataway.” He jerked his thumb for emphasis and stalked over, lifting me off my feet with no trouble. “Grab onto the pole, baby, it’s coming too.”

I squeaked and grabbed the pole. His clothes felt cold as he pressed me against him.

Ethan wasted no time in getting me back into bed and my IV organized. “Why do I need this, anyway?” I asked.

He leaned in, bringing his lips very close to mine. “Because according to Fred you were so severely dehydrated you would’ve been admitted to hospital in your condition when I found you.” His eyes were hard and his voice was soft as he told me the brutal truth.

“Oh . . .” I didn’t know how else to respond and was beginning to feel emotions rising up that threatened to overtake my fragile grip on keeping it together. I brought my unfettered hand up to the side of his face and touched him, the stubble of his beard a mixture of soft and rough, well familiar to me by now. Ethan closed his eyes as if he was savoring my touch, and that made me sad. He needed some comfort too.

“You were outside smoking, weren’t you?”

He nodded and I saw something flicker in his eyes like regret and maybe even shame. I felt even worse. He certainly didn’t need my judgment right now. I’d put this poor man through the ringer in the last day and night, and he was still here by my side. He’d come to get me, and told me he loved me, and took care of me when I was sick. He’d done all of that and what had I done? I’d run off in self-pity and gotten myself so ill I would be in a hospital right now if not for Freddy being a licensed physician.

“I’m so sorry . . .” I whispered. “I hurt you again . . . and I’m so, so sorry for doing it.”

“Hush.” He brought his lips to mine and kissed me sweetly, smelling of mint and spice, and letting me know he was still right with me. My rock of strength.

“I’m glad you’re here—I woke up before and saw you sleeping in the chair . . . and then the next time you were gone . . .”

“Where else would I want to be, baby?” He brushed his thumb over my lips.

“Away from me?”

He shook his head slowly. “Never.”

“But I still don’t know what the test says, because I never looked.” I started to crumble.

“Neither do I,” he said right back, smoothing my hair.

“How can you not know?”

“I don’t,” he answered softly. “When I pulled your jeans off you it fell out onto the floor.”

“And you didn’t look at it?” I asked incredulously.

He shook his head and smiled. “Nope. I wanted to wait for you and do it together.”

I flung my arms around his neck and lost it. I tried to be quiet about it at least. Ethan just held me and stroked my back. He really was too good for me and I did honestly wonder what I’d ever done to deserve someone like him.

“Get in bed with me,” I said against his shoulder.

“Are you sure that’s what you want?”

“Yes, I’m sure that’s what I want!” I answered, blubbering through more sappy tears.

Ethan must have liked my answer, because he wasted no time getting ready to join me.

I worked on drying my eyes as Ethan slipped out of his jeans. He kept his boxers on, though. Not that they ever were much of a deterrent when we wanted to be naked, but I don’t think either of us were capable of much more than sleep right now. We were both treading on ground that seemed entirely made of eggshells.

Ethan slipped under the blankets and put his arm beneath me as he did often. I settled on my side and tucked in all along his body so I could rest partially on his chest. My left hand was the one with the IV, which forced me to keep it on top, but I still rubbed circles over his chest through his shirt. I burrowed into him and breathed in his delicious scent.

“You smell so good. I must smell like pig slop.”

“Well, I really couldn’t say, my beauty, because I’ve never been close enough to pig slop to know how it smells.” I could tell he was smirking. “When were you?”

I grinned and mumbled. “It’s metaphorical pig slop I’m talking about, and that works just as well. Even better, probably.”

“I agree with you on that one. I’ll take the metaphorical pig slop over the real stuff any day.” He massaged the back of my neck and teased me. “If you do smell like pig slop then it’s pretty nice, actually. In fact, I would go so far as to say that I f**king love the smell of pig slop.”

It worked. He got me to laugh a little at least and that helped me find the courage to tell him I was ready to face up to what fate had in store for me.

“Ethan?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“How did you know I would go back there—to the mermaid angel?”

“I set up GPS on your mobile a while ago.” His muscles flexed around me a little tighter. “Even though I didn’t like seeing ‘Waterloo’ in that text,” he said, pausing to take a breath, “I’m glad you did what you needed to do.” He kissed my forehead. “And that you had your mobile on you and powered up. I’m going to have to insist you always keep it on you when we are apart. We need to talk about the security again too.”

“Why? What happened?”

He dismissed my questions with more kisses, then murmured a very firm “Later” against my lips.

I could tell he meant business by his tone and let it go. He was right anyway. We had other stuff to deal with first.

“I—I want to look at the test now.”

“Before you do, I need to say something.” Now Ethan was the one who sounded anxious. I could feel him tensing his body and I didn’t like the change one little bit. It scared me what he might say. And if he did say what I feared, then I knew it would be the end of us. There was one thing that I simply couldn’t do. I knew I wouldn’t be able to. I’d had been down that road before and I couldn’t go there again and survive.