Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)(57)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

“Must be fate. Or you simply rock. Or perhaps both.” It had always amazed Ixtab how, despite being the masters of deception, demons were among the easiest species to manipulate. Their arrogance made them all too willing to believe any lie related to their awesomeness.

Demons. So lame…

Ixtab stood and dusted off her hands. “So, let’s get rid of Antonio before he causes us any problems.” Please buy my bridge. Please buy my bridge…

“I do not fear him.”

“You should, big boy. He’s immortal, smart, and he’s hell-bent on getting his revenge. We need to get rid of him. Please? I couldn’t be happy knowing his deception has gone unpunished.”

The demon reached for her hand—shit! Teen uk’al k’iinam. Teen uk’al yah—and kissed it. Like poison from a venomous snake, his vile energy slithered its way up her arm. She wanted to remove her own hand with a cleaver.

“What do you want me to do, my love?” he said, stroking her wrist with his slimy fingertips.

Keep contents of stomach inside. Keep contents…

“He’s waiting for you now,” she advised. “We go downstairs, and when he opens the portal, I will push him in.”

“You are so wonderfully evil, just like your sister, Cimil.”

Gods. She still couldn’t believe Cimil had been helping this vile creature. There had to be an explanation.

Well, that little gherkin has to wait for another party.

“If only Cimil were here now; she’d be so proud…” Ixtab sighed for effect.

“Then you are in luck, my sweet Goddess of Suicide…”

Happiness, ass**le. Goddess of Happiness.

“Your sister is not far,” he said, “and with her she brings her delightful friends.”

“Cimil? She’s coming here?” Ixtab tried to quell the parade of panic marching with drums and tambourines, refusing to be ignored.

“Why, yes. I told you I anticipated moving into a vampire’s body might be a bit tricky, so I asked for her help.”

Oh, crap. Cimil would see right through her. Ixtab had to hurry. “Funtastic! I’ve been dying to see her.”

“And the Maaskab are already here,” the demon added.

“Here?” Oh, gods, no…

“Yes. They came to assist with the transfer, too, since this is their magic. They are staying in the guest villa. Should be quite the party tonight.”

Maaskab? The f**king Maaskab are here? Here? Hate you, dramawhore! Hate you!

“Oh, honey. That’s great!” She clapped with nauseating enthusiasm. “I think the Maaskab are so misunderstood. Why can’t the other gods let them do their thing? I mean, really… the world would be such a boring place without evil.”

Oh. My. Gods. No wonder she’d felt so much darkness when she’d arrived. It had overpowered her from a half mile away. Breathe, goddess, breathe. You can do this…

“My sentiments exactly. I have a brilliant idea.” Hack, hack. “You could have sex with me after we deal with Antonio. I am sure my heart will give out, and then I can be inside Franco’s body for our second round.” He licked his scaly lips, which donned the color of a rotting corpse.

Oh yes! Just what I’ve always wanted: sex with Gollum. My precious…

“Oh. That’s a lovely plan, my love. Fate has been so kind to me, bringing you back into my life.”

The demon snapped his finger. “Help me up, Ixtab. Let us pay a visit to Antonio and his tablet. His demise will be my wedding gift to you.”

Married? Insert dirty fork in eye now. “Married? Oh, Francisco…”

He reached for her hand and gave her a proud, beaming… hack, gurgle, hack. “Take my hand, woman.”

Oh, gods, not again. Teen uk’al k’iinam. Teen uk’al yah. She’d need to touch Antonio soon—to lighten her load—or she wouldn’t make it. Her body was very close to full capacity.

Chapter Veintisiete

“This better f**king work,” Antonio mumbled to himself as he tested the circuit board one last time. Last night, he had isolated three distinct energy patterns, and the moment he had begun to cycle the current through the tablet, its center dissolved into a vacuous spiral. He watched the tiny opening grow a few more inches before the board shorted out, but he knew he’d done it. He only hoped that tonight he could get the portal to open all the way and for a duration sufficient enough to accomplish his goal.

Antonio looked at his watch and then glanced at the door. Dammit. Where was Ixtab? It was time.

Part of this plan still didn’t feel right. Yes, he needed to rid his family of the demon once and for all. It was his duty. And yes, he felt in his heart that the woman he saw each time he closed his eyes was connected to him in a way that would never be explained by science or logic or anything rational. Yet he couldn’t help but want to go to Ixtab and run away with her. The attraction he felt, despite not knowing what she looked like, was… epic. He’d never felt such a carnal craving for a woman.

Yes, but she’d said herself that the love of her life, the one she hadn’t gotten over, the one she thought she killed, was your father! How could she love that… pinche monster?

But how much could she love him if she were willing to help send him away? Perhaps not much. Perhaps she, too, had been deceived as surely thousands of women had over the demon’s lifetime, including Antonio’s very own mother. No, he shouldn’t hold Ixtab’s mistake against her.

But where was she? He looked at his watch. Midnight.

She’ll be here. Have faith… He pushed Run Program and stepped back. The tablet began to vibrate with a loud hiss.

“Well, well. I’ve underestimated you, my son. I’ll be very sorry to see you go.”

His father and Ixtab stood side by side in the doorway, Ixtab gripping the old demon’s arm. A surge of jealously scorched his veins. How could she be touching him?

He looked at Ixtab. “What is going on?”

She shrugged. “Sorry, but your father and I have reconciled. And now that I can touch him, well, what can I say? I’m a sucker for a sex demon. Vampires… not so much.”

She—she still loves him? How?

“I trusted you,” he screamed. The noise coming from the tablet was deafening, as if the plates of the Earth were grinding together.

“No, ass**le. We trusted you!” she screamed back. “You were supposed to open that portal and free our men, but all along you wanted to find some slut on the other side.”