Vampires Need Not…Apply? (Accidentally Yours #4)(8)
Author: Mimi Jean Pamfiloff

“Deities almighty!” Zac exclaimed. “We won’t be stopping anything without the aid of the vampire army. We’re outgunned against the Maaskab. If they attack, it’s over.”

“What about our Uchben?” Penelope asked. “Don’t we have enough human soldiers to defend against an attack?”

“No,” he replied coldly.

“Really? Our Uchben kick ass. It’s not like they’re just regular old humans,” she argued. The Uchben were highly skilled warriors, trained by the gods and their fiercest vampire allies. In some cases, they were given the light of the gods, making them immortal, too. They also oversaw everything for the gods in the mortal world, including flying their planes, maintaining an army, and managing their assets.

“The point is, they are easier to kill than a vampire; we’d only be able to hold out for so long.”

She hadn’t thought they were that vulnerable, but she supposed if anyone knew the really-really, it would be Zac.

“Can’t Helena command the vampires back?” Fate asked Penelope.

“She tried. It’s some obscure vampire law that no one knew about. Once word got out, the army took it to heart; they believe their laws are the only thing keeping them from turning into savages.”

“Then she should change the law.” Fate waved her hand through the air as if it were that easy. But it wasn’t. Didn’t they know by now that nothing was easy in this world?

“That’s why we need Niccolo rescued,” Penelope explained. “Helena is only the interim leader—she can’t change anything. He can.”

“So where’d they all go?” Zac asked.

“Euro Disney,” Penelope responded.

The deities stared.

“Yeah. I know,” she said. “And I’m just gonna say it: Doesn’t anyone think this all a little weird? Our vampire army at Disneyland? Niccolo being the only one to change that? The tablet being right under our noses?”

The gods looked at each other and simply shrugged.

“Oh, come on! This reeks of a Cimil master plot,” Penelope barked.

Again the gods simply shrugged, only this time, they did it as if she’d stated the obvious and mundane. (The sky is blue! Ducks quack!)

“See,” Penelope griped, “this is what drives me bonkers about you guys! Now would be a great time for you to react or make sort of drama, but I get nothing.”

The gods didn’t make the slightest reaction.

Maybe they’re just drama-tarded. “All righty. And moving on… So what do we do?” Penelope asked.

“The only thing we can. Ixtab must visit the physicist and get him back to work,” Bees stated blandly and looked at Penelope.

“Agreed,” Penelope said. “I’ll go talk to her—”

“After we discuss the next topic, Penelope.” Zac’s voice was cold and commanding.

“Why are you doing this?” Penelope whispered. Couldn’t they just forget the Kinich topic and leave him alone?

Zac didn’t blink. “Because he is no good for you.”

“I’ll decide what’s good for me, Zac.” Which might be spiking a fireball down your leather pants.

“When it comes to Kinich, nothing good can ever come of him. Not anymore. If you opened your eyes, you would see that.” He handed her a letter. “Read it; then tell me what’s good for you.”

Chapter Cuatro

Ixtab quickly gathered her belongings from the guest room. She needed to get out of there before one of her brethren came demanding an explanation. Telling anyone about what happened long ago with Francisco, besides Kinich, was out of the question. The pain of what she’d done was bad enough without having her entire brethren know.

“Where are you going?” Fate stood in the doorway with a joyous expression.

Right on cue. And how did I know they’d send Miss Rubitinyournose? “I’ve got to go to Denver,” Ixtab replied. “There’s been an outbreak of depression due to a snowed-out romance convention.”

Fate removed her quiver, walked over to the bed, and plunked down. “We both know that’s an excuse; romance fans are a hearty, resilient breed. They’d never need your help for something so trivial.”

True. And… true. In any case, at least she could get into some good skiing and get far, far away from the other gods. And yes, for the record, she skied with her veil on because she never took it off except to shower. The veil was her penance, a reminder to always be careful of whom she touched.

“Well, is there anything I can say to change your mind about going?” Fate asked cheerfully.

“No.”

“Figures. You always were the most cowardly of us all.” Fate buffed her nails on the hem of her white dress. “I guess I’ll have to go to New York and see if I can’t help the cute physicist myself. I’ve been itching for a new boy toy.” She sighed with contentment. “Perhaps it’s time for me to take my new black jade necklace for a test-drive. After all, Cimil did say we were to use her gift immediately.”

Black jade, though first discovered by the Maaskab, wasn’t entirely evil. In fact, it was an inert substance that absorbed supernatural energy. Expose it to something bad, it was bad. Good, good. In the case of gods? Well, for the first time ever, they could use the jade to blunt their energy to have intimate relations with a human—something previously impossible due to a god’s overwhelming power that essentially fried the poor human’s brain.

“And something tells me,” Fate added, “that bad boy Spaniard could go all night.”

She wants him? Ixtab’s jealously ran across the court in squeaky sneakers, jumped, and spiked a ball through her possessive hoop. The thought of Fate getting anywhere near the physicist made her blood boil. Why? She had no clue. This man wasn’t Ixtab’s Francisco; he just looked a lot like him. Nevertheless, the words “But I’ll be going to New York right after Denver” burst from Ixtab’s mouth.

Why? Why had she said that?

Fate’s eyes narrowed. “I thought you were too busy?”

Ixtab answered with her own narrowed eyes and added a Dirty Harry, one-eyed twitch for good measure. If only Fate could see it. “Not too busy to save the world.” Bitch.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

Fate stood and smoothed down the front of her pleated, short dress. “By the way, we’d like you to visit Penelope before you leave.”