Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding #2)(41)
Author: K.A. Linde

He was usually so calm and controlled. Only a select few times had she seen him go off on anyone…she was unfortunate to have been one of those people. He had made up for it of course, but she didn’t wish the experience on anyone else. Not even Jack someone who probably deserved a good telling-off.

Ramsey cleared his throat as if her and Jack jumping apart hadn’t assured his introduction. "Bekah is looking for you." Ramsey could barely contain a growl as he pointedly made the statement. His free hand was clenched at his side. The muscles around his mouth were tight and strained. A deep furrow formed between his eyebrows the longer he stood before Jack and Lexi.

Jack nodded slumping his shoulders as he slunk forward toward Ramsey. He stopped just before reaching him and said, "Hey man, you mind not telli…"

Ramsey’s threatening glare cut him off. He could have pierced straight through him in that moment, and Jack knew it. "I think my sister is still waiting for you," he spat at Jack clearly disgusted.

Jack snapped his mouth shut. Whatever he had been about to inquire of Ramsey died on his tongue. He nodded his head resolutely and scurried from the security of the weeping willow. Lexi watched him go with resignation that soon she would be alone with Ramsey, and she would have to account for her inexplicable actions.

Lexi didn’t have to be a genius to know what Jack had been about to ask though. It was pretty clear that if she hadn’t wanted Ramsey to know…Jack sure as hell didn’t want Bekah to find out. Ramsey and her weren’t even dating anymore, but he was supposed to marry that detestable woman by the end of the week. The last thing Jack would want Bekah to know about was that he had been alone with Lexi. Lexi had gone to such lengths to keep them apart for the past year, and here they were again making the same stupid mistakes. No matter her present relationship with Ramsey, she knew that she didn’t want him to know that they had been together. And Jack, no matter how much he seemed to not care that he was getting married when he was with her, still didn’t want his fiancé to know.

She couldn’t blame him for having been about to ask Ramsey not to tell Bekah. It was a futile endeavor, but she couldn’t blame him for it.

Their predicament didn’t exactly make sense. She had left him behind. He had agreed to marry another woman. After everything they should know better than to be alone together for any period of time. Now not only had she made the stupid mistake of agreeing to come to this wedding because of Jack, but she had been caught alone with him.

She just wanted to hit herself for her own stupidity. She wouldn’t blame anyone for being angry at her. All she wanted to do was call Chyna and get yelled at to avoid the reprimand she was certain was coming from Ramsey.

Lexi took a deep breath in the near silence that followed Jack’s departure. She still hadn’t broken eye contact with Ramsey, and she knew that his emotions were close to boiling over the surface. She wanted to speak first…to explain, but she was lost for words. What could she possibly say? How could she possibly begin?

Ramsey began for her. "Look I know we’re not together," he said closing off their exit and walking forward towards her. He ran his hands back through his honey blonde hair and scratched the back of his head as if in thought.

"I know that we have a lot of things to work out. I know that you’re pretty pissed off at me. I just…I can’t…I just don’t understand. I just can’t begin to fathom your reasoning." His words came out rushed and babbling and Lexi was struck with her first meeting with him when he hadn’t been able to shut up. It made her want to smile, but not at this moment.

"I just…look there’s no other way around it…excuse my way of asking this, but what the f**k were you doing?" he asked unable to keep his ever-present cool.

Lexi’s mouth popped open at the statement. "Nothing," she piped up after a second of hesitation, devastation evident in her features.

"Nothing? You’re going to try and come back with nothing?" he asked his eyes narrowing dangerously. If he had looked angry before it was nothing in comparison to the fire in him at her plea of innocence.

"Really Ramsey, we weren’t doing anything," she squeaked gulping down hard.

He took a deep breath clearly trying not to just snap at her. "You left the party. When I got back from helping my sister at my father’s request…no, demand you were just gone. When I asked around the only response I got was that you had left with Jack. That they had seen you take a walk together. That you were…" he took another calming breath but couldn’t keep the bite out of his voice, "with Jack…alone."

Lexi couldn’t find a response. All of that was true. She could hardly deny the facts that she had been an idiot and left with him.

"I don’t know why you came here," he said gesturing to the weeping willow. "I don’t even know how he knows about this place."

It was evident that this locale had more significance than Ramsey was letting on. She didn’t know nor, at this moment, did she want to know what was special about where she was standing. All she could think about was the anger that he was directing towards her.

"Regardless," he grumbled leaning in closer to her, "Then I find you two together, against each other…holding each other. I just…I don’t understand why you would…for Christ’s sake, you even look guilty," he rushed out.

Lexi took a healing breath in hopes of calming her heart which was slamming around in her chest. "I know. I know," she muttered quickly. "That’s probably because I feel guilty for being alone with him."

She couldn’t deny that. She hadn’t wanted to go for a walk with him in the first place. She knew the dangers. Yet, she had agree in the end anyway. Whether her intentions were clear didn’t matter, because she had gone ahead and followed him to this place. She had stayed despite his advances, despite the gnawing feeling that everything that was happening was a terrible mistake. Sure they had resisted each other, but to what extent. He still had enough power and control to get her to leave with him, walk with him, follow him to the ends of the earth. She wanted to hit herself for being so stupid.

"Then why did you do it? Why do you get suckered in by him?" he begged the question storming past her and sitting on the now empty bench.

"I don’t know," she cried throwing her arms up in the air. It was a question she had always asked herself. A question anyone that knew her at all asked her. Jack was a douche, to put it plainly. He was the bane of her existence. He didn’t deserve one second of her precious time.

She knew that.

Of course she knew that. If anyone knew what kind of pull Jack had on her, it was Lexi. She hated it more than anyone in this moment. It was the whole reason she had left Atlanta a year ago. She had to get away from him…to try and leave him behind. But that didn’t just kill her affection for him. She didn’t stop desiring him because of it. They had a connection, a chemistry that she had no idea how to explain to the outside world.

When they were apart she could feel all her thoughts of Jack slowly drain out of her. She didn’t want him, not at all. She knew he was all wrong for her and that she would be better off focusing her attention elsewhere…preferably on the hunk of a man sitting in front of her. When they were apart, she could clearly delineate her desire and past love for the man from the hatred and sickening feeling she got when she thought about the fact that he was marrying another woman.

But when they were together, it wasn’t so simple. Their train wreck of a relationship had been dysfunctional, but in a strange way it had worked for them. Not in a healthy, lovey-dovey relationship kind of way, but still…it had sort of worked.

Yet, she couldn’t explain that to Ramsey. How could he possibly understand that? Even with knowing so much about her relationship with Jack, he couldn’t ever really understand.

"I don’t know how to explain," she finally muttered quietly.

"Well could you just try, because I’m at a loss."

"It’s not as if you’ve been saintly," Lexi grumbled walking in a disgruntled circle. She hated going on the defensive in this situation, but she couldn’t help it.

"I’m not saying I have been, and I’d apologize a thousand times over if you’d just let me, but that’s neither here nor there." Lexi rolled her eyes but didn’t deny his logic. "Please try to explain Jack to me."

"He’s just…I don’t know," she started again chewing on her bottom lip and forcefully pushing some hair behind her ear. "You don’t want to hear me talk about him." She glanced back towards him briefly and saw that he was eyeing her very closely, but turned back away quickly.

"No really I do. I just can’t fathom why you would be so stupid as to come out here with him," he stated the matter simply. "You know that only leads to things you’ll regret." He didn’t have to say that she knew better, but she heard it anyway.

Now, Lexi turned and openly stared at him. "You’re the one who dragged me out here. You’re the one who insisted I come to this wedding. I haven’t seen Jack more than a handful of times in a year and certainly not long enough to have a conversation with him…" she began not able to keep her defensive nature down.

"Because you refused to see him," he cried interrupting her.

"Of course I did!" she shot back throwing her arms in the air. "Do you think I don’t know what kind of effect he has on me?"

"If you know, then why go near him?" he questioned her. He sounded genuinely curious, but she could hear more. His breathing was shallow, and he was getting worked up.

"I had no plans of going near him. The last thing I wanted was to go to this wedding. You knew that and yet you asked me to go anyway," she said feeling like an idiot as soon as the words slipped out of her mouth.

"Are you trying to blame this on me?" he asked jumping down her throat at the first chance. "Because I’m pretty sure you refused to go to this wedding with me. Then Jack swoops in and invites you, and suddenly you change your story. There’s really something f**ked up about that Lexi."

Lexi mouth fell open. "So there it is," she grumbled. "Just laying it all out there for me."

"You can’t seriously deny that it’s messed up," he implored trying to reason with her. Lexi crossed her arms refusing to give a response. "Fine, refuse to deny it. That’s fine. Just I don’t know try and explain Jack to me. Even though I’m in the man’s wedding, I don’t see the appeal."

"Ramsey," she muttered sighing heavily. "You don’t want to hear this." She turned away from him not wanting to meet his eyes.

"Please, just help me understand," he said grabbing her by the waist and swinging her back around to face him.

Lexi puffed out the breath she was holding unsure of how to proceed with the conversation. She couldn’t actually believe that he wanted to know what she felt for Jack…or didn’t feel. She could hardly explain it to herself let alone him. And anyway, all it would accomplish was to hurt him.

Staring up into his emerald green eyes, she tried to think about Jack in a way that she could possibly explain to the man standing before her. They both had avoided the subject on numerous occasions, but now it was all catching up with her.