Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding #2)(42)
Author: K.A. Linde

"He just…I don’t know Ramsey, you really want me to talk about this?" she asked glancing anxiously around the enclosure. She was desperately trying to get out of this conversation. She figured if she kept asking then maybe he would change his mind.

"Please," he begged. Maybe not.

"Jack and I…" Lexi began hating the way the words fell from her mouth, "we’ve been through this kind of tug of war for…God, seven years now," she said still amazed at the length of time they had been playing this game. "We had this instant connection. Electric chemistry," she murmured trying not tell too much, but unable to lie about her and Jack. Lying to Ramsey did no good in this situation. She wanted to spare his feelings, but really she had tried to warn him. "It was like the sun only shined when we were together.

"Like the world fell away and it was just the two of us," she murmured softly trying to keep the adoration out of her voice, but finding it increasingly difficult. She could remember the way Chyna claimed she looked when she talked about Jack…dreamy-eyed and seductive. She hoped she didn’t look like that now… "We have such a long history that when I look into his eyes that’s all I can see. I forget the stupidity of what we’ve done and who could get hurt. I just remember the man who loved me once," she muttered softly her heart hurting at the admission. "It’s like a moth to a flame."

"So what are we?" Ramsey asked finally after she had paused.

"It’s not like that."

"Like what?" he asked genuinely curious.

"It’s not you or him." She hated herself for admitting the feeling that she had been having for a long time.

Ramsey’s eyes stormed over once more at the statement. "No, Lexi it really is me or him."

"That’s not what I meant," she said backtracking, "I just mean that…you didn’t replace him."

"What?" Ramsey snapped becoming angrier with every statement.

"Oh God," Lexi cried sitting down heavily on the bench and burying her head in her hands. "I don’t mean it like that either. Do you remember the first time you told me you loved me?" she whispered.

Ramsey was struck with emotion at the mention of her loving him. It was the first time she had used the word since she had left. "Of course," he said matching her tone.

"I kind of realized it then," she murmured pulling back to look into his curious eyes.

"Realized what?"

"That thinking of you as replacing Jack would just be a disservice to you."

Ramsey stared at her stunned. He wasn’t sure he was comprehending her correctly. "A disservice?" he asked wanting to be clear.

Lexi sighed and brushed a loose lock of hair behind her ear before continuing. "You occupy a new place in my heart… a place I wanted only you to touch."

Ramsey smiled, truly smiled for the first time since he had brushed aside the weeping willow branches. Sitting down beside her on the park bench, he took in her beauty. She clearly looked torn, but beneath that she was just as gorgeous as the first time he had seen her. "This can’t happen again," he said his tone determined even though he was weakened by her admission.

Lexi turned away from his demanding eyes. She knew first hand it couldn’t happen again. Jack was going to be married by the end of the week, and she would be in attendance. But besides being alone with the groom, she hadn’t actually done anything wrong. And she hated being reprimanded…for anything. "Don’t tell me what to do Ramsey. I know what I need to do."

Ramsey sighed hating that he had started another argument with her. "What’s that? What do you need to do?"

"I just need to get through this week…this wedding," she added leaning back against the bench and staring straight forward.

"What happens after that week?" he asked hoping just by chance that she would answer him the way he desired. Instead, she just shrugged. She couldn’t commit to anything. There was too much to think about before she could begin to answer that question.

"You know how I feel about you, and all my concerns for you and your future," he said grasping her chin and turning it back towards him. "You know I want to be a part of that future."

"Yeah well you should have thought about that," she murmured hating herself for bringing up her own insecurities when she was most weak. "You should have thought about that the past couple months." She pulled her chin out from his grasp.

Ramsey sighed heavily letting his hand drop to his lap. "Look I don’t want to fight with you. You’re right, I asked you to come down here. I messed up. And yeah, I kind of expected you and Jack to need…a moment," he said, the last words with a grating edge like nails on a chalkboard. "But I just can’t get over the fact that we’ve only been here an hour and I just told you the man is having doubts. Can you not cut me some slack here Lexi? I’m really trying."

"So I’ve heard," she grumbled.

"What’s that supposed to mean?"

"I’ve just heard from everyone about how much you’re trying," she murmured. She hadn’t meant to bring it up. She really hadn’t, but she had heard about him trying a bit too much recently. She wanted to know what was going on.

"I don’t know what anyone else has said, but yes Lexi I am trying. It’s no secret that I want you back," he said running his hand up her bare arm, up across her shoulder, and trailing through her thick brown hair.

As he began to massage her neck, she let the anger drain out of her. The only reason she had asked about any of this was because she had gotten caught. Everything that had happened with Jack was her fault. Ramsey wasn’t exactly off the hook for what had gone on with them before, but she couldn’t blame him for her mistakes. She deserved to get reprimanded. She didn’t deserve a neck massage after acting like an idiot that was for sure. She hated herself for making him feel bad after all of this.

"Look I’m sorry," she murmured softly turning into his shoulder and wrapping her arms around his neck. He pulled her across the bench and onto his lap holding her tight. "I…we have a lot to talk about, but right now isn’t the time or place. I shouldn’t have…"

"It’s okay," he said bringing his lips gently down onto hers. "We’ll work it out."

Lexi had never really thought that Ramsey had such a strong pull on her emotionally…not like Jack. Their relationship had been so different than anything she had experienced with him that she had always separated the emotions she felt for the two men. Her and Ramsey always acted together…as equals. Their relationship developed slowly over time and she had been careful to guard her heart. Then when she had finally given it freely, he managed to hurt her anyway.

And still she couldn’t deny her feelings for him…just like with Jack. She spent close to a year of her life with him in an uninhibited relationship. In a relationship that she truly thought was going somewhere.

She knew in time they would need to discuss what had happened, but she wasn’t ready for that moment yet. She was still too angry…too bitter. But she wasn’t sure if she was ready to get rid of it all. They just needed time.

"Are you alright to go back up there?" Ramsey asked standing and planting her lightly back on her feet.

Lexi nodded as she brushed off her dress where it had wrinkled from sitting in his lap. She swished all of her hair over one shoulder to try and catch a breeze on the back of her neck. This wasn’t the first time she had forgotten how unbearably hot Georgia summer afternoons are.

Ramsey swept aside the branches of the willow and the oppressive heat hit Lexi full force as she exited back onto the trail that led to the party. Their anger subsided for the moment, the two walked side by side towards his parents. Lexi contemplated reaching for his hand, but let it stay at her side. No need to give more complicated signs than she was already giving.

The scene before them was as if nothing had happened. Jack was standing at Bekah’s side smiling into her enamored face. Three women stood beside her, and Lexi was pretty sure she knew who they were. She remembered the last time she had been in proximity to Bekah’s best friends, the Fearsome Four, as Ramsey had called them. She had nearly been sick listening to them talking in the 755 Club. It wasn’t exactly a fond memory, and she wasn’t looking forward to seeing them again.

As they approached, a glass of lemonade was thrust in each of their hands, and they were shuffled closer to the bride and groom. The closer they got, the louder Ramsey’s father’s voice rang in the afternoon air. It was clear he was making a toast.

"To honor my beautiful daughter…"

Lexi half-listened to the speech as her eyes moved back to Bekah’s friends. They all had shining blonde hair in various stages of bleach. She wasn’t certain if any of them were natural. Or perhaps they had been at one point, but they had now died their hair so often they couldn’t remember if the shade was sandy or honey…or anything other than manufactured color that Lexi felt she needed sunglasses to even look at.

"and my soon-to-be son-in-law…"

The tallest one was easily the prettiest of the three. As much as Lexi hated admitting it, she didn’t have Bekah’s natural good looks and poise, but she was stunning in her own right. She couldn’t place names with any of them since she had never been officially introduced. All that rang through in her mind was a terrible southern drawl talking about f**king in the middle of a crowded party where anyone could hear her…and Bekah encouraging her.

"I know that through their love…"

The thought turned her stomach as if she were still standing in the club hearing the words as she eavesdropped on their conversation. She assumed that the pretty one was the bitch with the drawl. Beauty and money tend to bring about a sense of self-righteousness. Not to mention the damn girl was wearing cowboy boots with her yellow sundress…a style Lexi still hadn’t come to grips with.

"and devotion to one another…"

Lexi tried not to snort at the last statement as he eyes shifted to the one standing in the middle. She was a tiny little thing with a button nose and calculating, round, baby blue eyes. Unlike the other girls, her dress was loose fitting, and extremely conservative…even for a country club. Her demeanor oozed prude. If she hadn’t been hanging around Bekah, Lexi would have thought she would be better placed in a church.

"they will have a marriage as fulfilling as any we’ve witnessed…"

The last girl seemed the most normal of the bunch…if that word could even be used about someone who was actually friends with Bekah. Her hair was cut short into a bob that curled up under chin with large sweeping bangs that completely covered her forehead. Her smile seemed genuine as she looked at Bekah’s own happiness. Lexi wasn’t sure if she could ever be friends with someone that Bekah had known for such a long time, but just based on appearances, this girl had to be the closest thing to a human being around.

"Saturday will be just the first of so many more wonderful moments in their lives…"

Lexi let her eyes shift back to Bekah and Jack. Their hands were lightly entwined as they stared up at her father. Every couple seconds they would sneak glances at each other. A pain shot through Lexi’s chest from watching them interact together. One thing was obvious – Jack hadn’t told Bekah anything. She looked so incredibly happy standing next to him, Lexi was having a hard time reconciling the situation in her mind.