Professor Feelgood (Page 35)

Jake pauses, and in that moment, I imagine approximately forty-seven ways I could murder him with my pen before he rats me out.

Thankfully, after a tight sigh, he says, “No.”

Sid tilts his head. “That’s a shame. What happened?”

“Usual story. We outgrew each other. At least, she outgrew me.”

“How so?”

Jake’s clearly uncomfortable, and I hope he’ll fob off the answer or change the subject. However, after a moment of clenching his jaw, he continues. “When we hit high school, she decided I wasn’t cool enough to hang with her anymore, so we fell out.”

Oh, no he didn’t.

“Really?” Shawna asks. “She was that shallow?”

Jake shrugs. “She had an opportunity to be a part of the in crowd, and she took it. I thought she was better than that, but I was wrong.” He looks right at me as he says it, and I cough as dozens of indignant protestations catch in my throat.

“That sounds like a pretty subjective take,” I manage to say. “Surely there was more to it than that.”

Jake cocks his head. “Like what?”

“Maybe she was feeling insecure and looking for validation. Maybe she just wanted to expand her world to include more people.”

“Maybe,” Jake says. “And maybe she was trying to ditch her past at any cost, regardless of who she left behind.”

I pause. If we were playing Battleship, that would have been a hit.

“Wow,” one of the interns says. “Some people are the worst. I can’t believe a so-called friend treated you like that. So cold.”

Jake looks down at the table. He doesn’t mention that he was the one who demanded I choose between his brother and him. When I refused, he chose for me.

Sidney is staring at Jake with a frown, and I can practically hear him formulating narratives about this mysterious female ‘friend’ in his head. “Was there anything romantic between you?”

Jake’s lip curls. “No.” An image of prom night swims to the surface of my memory, but I weigh it down with cement shoes.

Sid isn’t convinced. “Did you want there to be?”

Jake turns to him. “She was my best friend. The closest thing I had to a sister.”

“Well then,” Sid says, disappointed he didn’t land anything juicier. “Let’s move on to more recent times. How did you become Professor Feelgood and bare your soul on the internet?”

Jake leans back in his chair. “When I started travelling after high school, I posted pictures on Instagram as a kind of journal. Then, I met a girl, fell in love, and when it ended …” He clasps his hands. “I felt like my emotions were choking me, so I started writing poetry. But writing it wasn’t enough. The only relief I got was by posting online. Kind of like screaming into the abyss, I guess. I never expected anyone to read it.”

“But read it, they did,” Sid says. “And clearly, your passion for your lady love resonated with people. How long were you two together?”

He looks down. “A few months, but it seemed like longer.”

“Tell us about her.”

He shakes his head, and the tension is back in his shoulders. “Talking about her is … tough. She’s hard to describe. She’s like no one I’ve ever known.”

“Why did you break up?” Joanna asks gently.

Jake blinks a few times before focusing. “Uh … lots of reasons, but the main one was she didn’t love me as much as I loved her.”

Shawna is shocked. “How can that be?”

He pauses for a second, as if weighing up whether to continue. Then he sighs and says, “I’m not the easiest person to get along with. I know that. When we met, my track record with relationships was abysmal, and … it showed. She’d just broken up with a guy. He’d wanted to marry her, and she thought things were moving too fast, so she freaked out. Then, she met me. Even though we had a real connection, I knew I was a rebound. I fell in love with her anyway.”

“So, what happened?”

He shakes his head. “What happens when any two people don’t work out? We wanted different things, and there came a point when we couldn’t ignore that anymore.” He pauses for a second, his face drawn. “There’s nothing worse than falling for someone and realizing you don’t have all of their heart. It’s even worse watching them realize it. The first time she told me she loved me, she also admitted she wasn’t over her ex. I tried to get her to stay with me, but she couldn’t. Her life was elsewhere with another man, and I had to respect her wishes.”

The room is silent for a second, and then Joanna says, “Wait … she went back to the other guy?”

Jake glances at her. “I assume so. We agreed it would be better for us to not stay in touch, so I don’t know for sure. If she’s chosen to have a life with him, I don’t want to screw things up for her.”

There’s a heaviness in the air. Tension from Jake seeping into the rest of us.

Serena puts down her pen. “Do you ever think she made the wrong choice?”

I expect Jake to blow off the answer, but he doesn’t.

“Of course. There’s not a day goes by I don’t wish she’d chosen differently.”

“Maybe there’s still a chance for you guys,” Jo says, voicing what I was thinking. If this were a romance novel, there’d be some big twist where she shows up on his doorstep one day and admits her mistake. Then they’d declare their love for each other and live happily ever after.

“What if she tells you she loves you and begs your forgiveness?” I say, curious to see Jake’s reaction. “What would you do?”

Hearing that, Sid’s eyes light up. I know he’s thinking if there were some way to orchestrate that sort of fairy tale ending, it would create a hurricane of publicity that would catapult this book into the stratosphere.

Jake stares at me, eyes hard. He probably thinks I’m goading him, but I’m not. I genuinely want to know.

After a couple of seconds, he swallows and looks away. “If she wanted to be with me, she would have chosen me. As much as it sucks to say, some people don’t get a happy ever after.”

Joanna gives him a sympathetic look. “There’s always a chance things will still work out. I mean, you love her, right?”

That makes him stop dead. “Even if I do, it doesn’t matter. Whether or not you love someone is irrelevant. The difference between heaven and hell is them loving you back. If they don’t, you can’t do a damn thing about it except pack up your heart and move on.”

“And have you?” Serena asks. “Moved on?”

Jake’s gives her a rueful smile. “You’ve seen my Instagram. Clearly, not. But I’m trying.”

The room goes quiet, and I notice everyone is leaning toward Jake a little more than they were a few seconds ago. Even I have a twinge of sympathy. As much as Jake gets on my nerves, I wouldn’t condemn anyone to live without their true love. I believe everyone deserves happiness. Even him.

“Well, then,” Mr. Whip says, clearly impressed by Jake’s candor. “One final question: Why did you choose to call yourself Professor Feelgood?”

Jake sits up straighter, and I can see him trying to shake off his emotion. “After everything went down, I tried to purge the bitterness I felt over losing her. Mediation, yoga … everything I came across. Calling myself Professor Feelgood was part of it. Trying to reinvent myself, I guess.” I’m thinking about how non-Zen he is when he glances at me. “I’m a still a work in progress.”