Professor Feelgood (Page 77)

While we were working on the book, Jake stopped posting every day, but since we’ve been apart, he’s started again. Of course, now that I know all of his previous poems were about me, I’ve reread them with new eyes.

His latest poems are a little different in tone, and it’s like he’s telling me how he feels without actually talking to me.

Tonight, I smile when I see the picture he’s posted. It’s the two of us when we were five. I’m grinning into the camera, and Jake’s hugging me from behind and gazing at my face with pure affection. I remember the day Mom took this. She printed out two copies, one for me and one for Jake, but I haven’t seen mine in years.

Beneath it is the caption:

I should have run my jagged reasoning through a can opener

and pulled back the tinny facade.

Then you could have seen the messy truth –

That I’m still the boy who thought you were the stars and moon,

the teen who burned for you like a vengeful sun,

the man who circles you like a lovesick moon,

the lover who’ll worship you ’til the end of time.

I can’t take back the mistakes I’ve made,

But I can make this solemn vow:

Peel back my skin and muscles and bone,

and you’ll find a lovingly rendered portrait of you

painted on my soul.

I don’t know if it’s the words, or the picture, or that I miss him so damn much it’s like I can’t breathe right, but I blink back tears as I finish reading.

Eden puts her arm around me and leans her head against mine. “You okay? I know you miss him.”

I nod and swipe my cheek. “It’s ridiculous. It’s only been five days.”

She squeezes me. “I’ve been there, and I know that a few days can feel like forever.” When I glance over at her, I’m surprised to find her eyes are also wet.”

“God, Edie. I’m sorry. I know that seeing me cry sets you off.”

“It does, but that’s not what’s going on here.” Her lips tremble. “I’m just so glad that my gorgeous, intelligent, loving sister has finally found someone worthy of her. And I never have to worry about Jake hurting you, because he knows if he does, I will murder him in his sleep and dump his body in the river.”

She’s half sobbing, half laughing by the end, and we hug like two emotional saps.

When we pull back, she says, “Now, no more being sad about your absent boyfriend. Tonight, we’re having cake, and cake cures everything.”

She continues chatting all the way to Nan’s building, making sure to keep my mind off Jake. I don’t know what I’d do without her.

“Nan, we’re here!” she yells as we walk through the door. Five seconds later, a very excited Moby Duck waddles out to greet us. He quacks excitedly and flaps his wings, probably thinking we’re going to give him something to eat. I almost squeal when I see he’s wearing a tiny polka-dot party hat.

“Oh, my God, Mobes! You look adorable.” After I dump my coat and bag on the wall rack next to the door, I run my hand along his feathery back. “You’re hungry, huh? Where’s your momma? Is she cooking?”

Nan’s voice rings out from the kitchen. “In here, girls! And don’t let Moby convince you he hasn’t had his dinner yet, because he has. The lying little oink.”

Moby gives a petulant quack.

Eden joins me in petting him. “Mobes, you have a meal-worm problem. You know this right?”

Moby quacks before turning on his heel and heading toward the kitchen.

“Hey, don’t walk away,” I say. “The first step is admitting you’re a fatty boombah.”

We follow him into the kitchen. Nannabeth turns as she continues stirring a pot to give us her signature sunshine-smile. “Hello, gorgeous granddaughters.”

“Greetings, gorgeous grandmother.” Eden gives her a kiss on the cheek, and then I follow suit.

“My birthday girl,” Nan says, cupping my face and giving me an extra kiss. “Because I love you so much, I’m making your favorite.”

I glance at the braised lamb hocks in the pan. “Huh. That doesn’t look like mushroom risotto.”

She frowns and looks at the saucepan. “What? If it isn’t you who loves lamb hocks, who is it?” Eden raises her hand, and Nan pulls a face. “Oh, damn. Sorry, sweetheart.”

“It’s fine, Nan.” I kiss her cheek. “Everything you make is delicious. Can we help with something?”

“You could do the salad. The first batch of lettuce I prepared has mysteriously disappeared.” She gives Moby a pointed look. He stares her down, unblinking. For about fifteen seconds, Eden and I suppress our laughter while we witness an epic old lady/duck standoff. In my mind, the theme song from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly starts to play. Finally, Moby lets out a tirade of quacks before angry-waddling out of the room.

“Ignore him,” she says with a wave of her hand. “He’s in a bad mood, because I cut off his television privileges.” She looks toward the living room. “You could be watching Animal Planet right now if you hadn’t pilfered the lettuce! Actions have consequences, young man!”

More uptight quacking echoes down the hallway.

Gran puts the lid on the saucepan and shakes her head. “Grumpy little monster.”

Eden pulls out the bottle of champagne she brought. “Time for some bubbles?”

Nan smiles. “Yes, please.” Eden works on opening the bottle while Nan grabs some glasses from the cabinet. I don’t know if it’s a hangover from years gone by or Jake not being here that makes the thought of having champagne seem bittersweet. Still, I try to feel happy as we all hold up our glasses.

“Tonight,” Nan says, “We’re going to start a new tradition. It was far too long ago that I lost my daughter, and even though I would give anything to have her here with us, I wouldn’t trade the time I spent raising her beautiful girls for anything. So every year, we’re going to push aside the pain of losing her and celebrate her legacy.” She looks at Eden and me. “How I wish she could be see you two and the amazing women you’ve become. I have no doubt she’d be just as proud of you as I am. Maybe even more so.”

She raises he glass. “To Lizzie.”

Eden and I share an emotional look, then raise our glasses. “To Mom.”

“And to Asha,” Eden adds. “Happy birthday, darling sister. May this be the first of many future celebrations.”

We all clink glasses and sip our drinks, and for the first time since I was nine, I’m able to think about my mother on my birthday and smile.

_______________

“Open mine first.” Eden clears some dirty plates to make room for her gift. “Well, technically, it’s from Max and me, but he’s not here, so I’m taking all the credit.” She puts the plates in the sink and rushes back to sit beside me.

“I’m telling him you said that.” I pull off the lid and rifle through layers of tissue paper to find another box. When I realize what it is, my mouth drops open. She’s given me the brand new, top-of-the-line iPhone, and I know damn well Derek doesn’t pay her enough to be able to afford it.

“Eden, this is too much.”

She waves me off. “Nothing is too much for my baby sister. Plus …” She lowers her voice and mumbles, “… one of Max’s clients is a wholesaler who gave us a really good deal, so it really wasn’t that much.”