Professor Feelgood (Page 69)

With a grunt, he pulls off his own shirt before moving me back into the middle of bed. When I lie down, he positions himself above me, hips between my legs, rocking and pressing as I touch as much of him as I can.

Everything is perfect, until I feel him slide his hand beneath me to grip the clasp of my bra. Suddenly, a claxon starts up inside me, and cold fingers of panic squeeze my stomach and close my throat.

No, no, no, no. Please … not now. Not with him.

Please …

I press the heels of my hands into my eye sockets and wish it away, but I can already feel the numbness setting in.

“Asha. Stop.” Within seconds, Jake pulls my hands away and presses them into the mattress beside my head. “Look at me.”

I open my eyes and see him above me, his expression intense and concerned.

“Whatever you’re doing right now …” he pants. “Whatever voice is trying to talk you out of enjoying this … don’t listen. The only voice you’re allowed to listen to is mine. And I’m telling you I need you. Every part of you.”

I swallow and glance down, embarrassed that he can see through me.

He tightens his grip on my hands. “No, don’t look away. You stay with me. Look into my eyes.”

I go back to him, and his remarkable face is full of so much affection, it’s mesmerizing.

“Do you trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then let go. Stop thinking. Stop being afraid. I’m not some asshole who barely knows you and just wants to screw a hot girl. I’m the guy who’s been crawling through your bedroom window since he was five-years-old. No matter what happens next, you can’t disappoint me. Do you understand?”

I nod, and I don’t know if it’s the way he has me pinned to the bed, or the edge in his voice that implies he’s not going to tolerate me closing myself off, but I take a few deep breaths, and then … I surrender. I give up my power. My expectations. I make myself a blank slate and wait for Jake to write upon me.

He releases my hands, and I lift up to allow him to reach my bra clasp again. When he releases it, I wait for the sharp hum of anxiety to pull me out of the moment, but it never comes. As he sits back on his heels and gently slides the bra down my arms, I search for the building tide of panic, but it’s nowhere to be found. And when he gazes down at my naked breasts as if he’s seeing the face of God, for the first time in my life, my body lights up instead of shutting down.

Ohhhh, yes. Finally.

“You’re perfect,” he whispers. “You always have been.”

I close my eyes as he trails soft kisses along the top of my breasts, and when he closes his mouth over a tight nipple, I tangle my fingers in his hair and moan his name.

“Part of me can’t believe we’re doing this,” he says, kissing from my sternum down to my stomach. “And another part can’t believe we didn’t do it years ago.”

When he reaches my sweat pants, he looks up at me as he grips the waistband and slowly pulls them down. My panties are next, and he keeps eye contact as he slides them off my legs.

“You have no idea how much I’ve been dreaming about this.”

He grasps my hips and drags me down to the end of the bed. Then he sinks to his knees, drapes my legs over his shoulders, and kisses a path up to where I’m aching so fiercely, I’m willing to beg for relief. I barely have time to grab onto the thick comforter before his mouth closes over me, and the moment he starts flicking his tongue, I buck away from the intensity of the pleasure.

“Keep breathing,” Jake says, pulling me back into place. “I’m just getting started.”

He goes back to work, alternating between licking and flicking, and dear Lord in heaven, I’ve never felt pleasure like it. Just when I think he can’t make it any more intense, he adds more suction, and when he moans against me, the vibration winds me even tighter.

At some point, my brain checks out, and when the first tendrils of my orgasm start to coil, I want to stay quiet, but I can’t. I think I say ‘Please’. I’m sure I say ‘Yes’. And when Jake grabs hold of my thighs and pulls me more firmly onto his hot mouth, I’m certain I say ‘Fuck.’

“Oh, God … I’m going to come. Ohhh, God. Oh, God.” I hold my breath as everything speeds up, and then I just whisper Jake’s name, over and over again.

This is how it’s supposed to feel. This is what I’ve been waiting for. After all these years of numbness, Jake has brought me back to life. He’s the first. I’m so grateful, emotion catches in my throat.

I’m not broken after all.

When the rush starts, I look down to where Jake’s head is moving between my legs, his hands squeezing and caressing my thighs. I’m gasping for air as I teeter there, waiting for the final, thrilling fall, and when he looks up at me with his soulful, passionate eyes as he gives a final roll and flick of his tongue, I come, violently. Every muscle spasms in unison, and when the pleasure dissipates and everything becomes heavy and soft, Jake’s there, kissing my head, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me into the warmth of his embrace. It’s only when I notice the wetness glistening on his chest that I realize I’m crying.

TWENTY-TWO

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Exposed

AS I PUSH THROUGH THE haze of my post-orgasmic high, I realize Jake’s draped the comforter over us. There’s warmth, all around me. Strong arms and soft skin. I’m tucked beneath his chin, and he smells so good that all I want to do is press my nose into his neck and breath him in forever. We’re facing each other on our sides, and he has both arms wrapped around me. Never in my life have I ever felt more satisfied. Or safe. Or right.

He’s still wearing his jeans, but I’m completely naked, and even though I’d usually be desperate to climb back into the safety of my clothes, the way Jake makes me feel … I may never wear clothes again.

I crack my eyes open, and find myself looking at his Adam’s apple. When he senses I’m conscious, he leans back so he can see my face.

“Hey.”

I give him a blissful smile. “Hey.”

“Are you okay?”

“More than okay. I feel incredible.”

“Yes, you do.” He just looks at me for a few seconds, as if he’s trying to figure out a great mystery.

“What is it?”

“This,” he says stroking my arm. “You. What we just did. I’ve never felt like that with anyone before.”

“Like what?”

He grazes his hand up my neck and traces a fingertip around my jaw. “Like I knew how you’d react the second before I touched you. Like I’d done that to your body a million times before. Tasted you. Watched you come.” He brushes his thumb over my lips. “Do you have any idea how spectacular you are when you come?”

A rush of tingles pebbles my skin. I can’t believe he’s saying this to me. Not the words themselves, but that it’s him. “You’re talking about how I look when I come, and I’m not even blushing. What’s happening between us?” I run my fingers through his hair, and he closes his eyes and hums his approval.

“I don’t know, but I never want it to stop.”

“A few weeks ago, being naked with a guy would have sent me into a meltdown, and now, here I am with my best friend … a man who just gave me the best orgasm of my life … and I have zero shame.”