If Forever Comes (Take This Regret #2)(22)
Author: A.L. Jackson

But it was already too late.

Tears worked their way free and slipped down my cheeks, a fervent display of everything I’d ever wanted. Frantically I rubbed them away. “Oh my god, I’m going to cry all over my wedding dress.”

From where she stood beside my mother, Claire watched me with her own elation shining through. Chewing at her bottom lip, she struggled to control her brimming emotions that quickly overflowed.

And I was trying not to laugh, trying not to cry, knowing that I looked a complete mess, because all of this was entirely overwhelming.

I was going to marry Christian.

The realization hit me hard.

Natalie choked over the tears that welled up in her throat, laughing over the sob she seemed to be struggling to keep in.

The seamstress who’d done my final alterations probably thought all of us insane, these grown women standing in the middle of the bridal dressing room, crying through their laughter.

Natalie wiped her wet cheeks, her smile unending. Then she shook her head with a grin. “Christian is going to lose it when he sees you in that dress.”

My gaze traveled back to my reflection. Redness seeped across my chest and flamed at my cheeks, because I couldn’t help but picture the expression Christian would wear when he first caught sight of me. But what struck me most was I could only imagine how it was going to feel when I finally walked down the aisle toward the man who owned me, heart and soul. The one who held me in his hands and captured every thought in my mind.

I couldn’t wait to stand before him in this dress and promise him my life.

Chapter 9

Present Day, Late September

On Thursday afternoon, I pulled up close to the curb in the circular drive in front of Lizzie’s school. I cut the engine to my little red Honda and glanced at the clock glowing from the dash. Only three minutes until the last bell rang. Yearning nudged me somewhere in my chest. It was just a little thump of awareness. But it was there. It was a feeling I hadn’t truly experienced in so long. I’d longed and I’d mourned, but I realized then I hadn’t really wanted.

And I wanted Lizzie.

Two days had passed since I last saw my little girl. She spent Tuesday and Wednesday nights with her dad. Even though I always missed her, there was a grim resignation that always came with it. It was then I’d find myself lost in the oblivion of sleep, wasting away the minutes and hours, letting go of those days of my life because I didn’t want to live them.

But today was different. I wasn’t sure what it was. This morning I woke early. I’d gotten up and cleaned the house, went out in the backyard and puttered around in the flower bed, had showered and changed.

I even looked in the mirror, studying what my mother had seen earlier in the week, the hollow woman who’d been staring back at me. Almost frantically, I put makeup on, as if I could cover it up, hide what was festering inside of me.

And I knew it was only a temporary solution, a patch that couldn’t hold.

Still, I found some sense of satisfaction in it.

Now I was anxious. I gripped the steering wheel, willing time to pass. I couldn’t wait to wrap Lizzie in my arms.

After what seemed an eternity, the bell rang. Seconds later, children began to flood through the school gates and out into the open corridor.

I rose from my car and went to stand on the walkway, my attention focused ahead as I strained to catch the first glimpse of my daughter.

“Hey, Liz.”

A short gasp escaped me and I jumped when I was hit with the voice that fell much too close to my ear. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to catch my breath.

“Logan, hi,” I wheezed. A disconcerted smile ruffled my mouth as I attempted to regain my composure. Ridiculous, but the man had really startled me.

“I didn’t hear you,” I said, feeling self-conscious as I peeked up at him from the side.

He laughed, pitching a casual hand through his shaggy, blond hair.

I might have been from California, but Logan definitely owned the look.

“Well, that’s because you were about a million miles away.” With a grin, he gestured his chin toward the gate. “Or rather, lost within those halls over there.”

I smoothed myself out. “Yeah, I guess I was, wasn’t I?”

“Are you missing her?” he asked, his expression suddenly serious as he turned his full attention on me.

Taken by surprise at his question, I jerked to look at him. I blinked rapidly as I found him staring down at me. His gaze was intense, like he was searching for an answer inside of me.

I really didn’t know him all that well. I’d spoken with him casually when I’d dropped Lizzie off at his house or he’d picked Kelsey up at mine, and we’d shared quick exchanges like this out here in front of the school. But honestly, the last months had passed in such a blur that I really couldn’t remember much of our interactions at all, just innocuous hellos and goodbye wishes that meant nothing at all.

Now he was looking at me as if he understood some fundamental piece of me.

He seemed to take my silence as an admission, and he released an empathetic breath. “You know…” He spoke softly, slowly, his hands stuffed deep in the pockets of his shorts. “It’s really difficult getting used to at first.” He kind of shrugged. “Dropping them off and knowing you won’t see them for days. Going home to the obtrusive silence of an empty house.” He inclined his head, nodding as if he were convincing me of something I needed to know. “But it does get easier. I can promise you that. Pretty soon, it just becomes a routine. Normal.” It almost sounded like defeat.

Is that what this was? Something I would get used to? I chewed at the edge of my bottom lip as I let my attention drift back toward the gates. The idea tumbled around in my head. My first instinct was to reject the notion. No, I just wasn’t willing to accept this as normal. But the truth was, I didn’t know what normal was anymore.

A shock of black hair that could only belong to Lizzie finally came into view behind the herd of students flocking to their cars. Her ponytail bounced wildly behind her as she skipped along the sidewalk, hand-in-hand with Kelsey. She was smiling, a smile so bright I couldn’t help but smile myself.

“Mommy!” she squealed when she caught sight of me. She made a beeline in my direction, Kelsey in tow. “I missed you.” She threw her arms around my waist and hugged me. I weaved my arms around her, high up on her back, holding her close to me. God, it felt so good. How much had I missed this child? I realized then, I’d been missing her for much longer than just the last two days.