If Forever Comes (Take This Regret #2)(55)
Author: A.L. Jackson

But of course he was.

He wanted his mother.

Jerking the other direction, he fought with his fist, trying to stuff it into his mouth. He was making all these little noises, rattled sounds that were not quite a cry.

“Shh…” I rocked him a little, the softest bounce. “Let’s let mommy sleep just a little longer. Do you think you could do that? It’s not quite time for you to eat yet.”

At the sound of my muted voice, he looked up at me with his wide, storm-blue eyes.

Love consumed me, filled every crevice of my being as I looked down at his perfect face.

My son.

Elizabeth insisted those dark blue eyes would turn the color of mine. She said Lizzie’s had been so much the same. I wasn’t sold on it yet. His hair was light, a thin layer that didn’t even cover the cap of his head, like maybe he was going to take after his mother, this beautiful child that had completed our home.

He fussed a little more, and I began to pace the floor, hoping to give Elizabeth a few more minutes sleep.

I lifted him to nuzzle his cheek. “Why don’t we go check on your big sister?” I murmured at the softness of his skin.

I chuckled low when his mouth bobbed at my cheek, rooting, seeking, exploring. Tiny fingernails scratched at my face, their dig like an embrace that went straight to my heart. I kissed the tips of his fingers as they tugged at my lips.

I crept from mine and Elizabeth’s room, through the living space, to the other end of the house. Lizzie’s door sat partially open, the nightlight that glowed from within illuminating her precious face in subdued light.

She was fast asleep, lost in her dreams, that sweet face relaxed as she rested on her pillow, her hair billowing out behind her.

I nudged the door farther open, walked to her side, and brushed my fingers through my daughter’s silky black hair.

This little girl who had once stopped me in my tracks with a penetrating gaze and a tiny smile that had undone something in me. The one who had covered me in awareness, the one who’d sent love rushing in.

This child, the one who had been mine and Elizabeth’s breaking point, the one who had also been our start. The catalyst with her knowing eyes and tender heart.

She was the one who had changed the selfish person I was.

I’d never stop wishing I could go back and change it. Getting to experience this with Myles…I’d never really known just how much I’d missed. And I missed it. Wished for it. That I could hold Lizzie as a baby.

In the depths of sleep, she released a soft sigh, an emotion that was palpable as it wound with my heart, like maybe this intuitive child understood.

All I had was today, and I chose to love her with every second, with every breath.

Leaning down, I swept a small kiss across Lizzie’s cheek.

She was the most amazing big sister, too, the way I’d always imagined she’d be. She couldn’t wait for Myles to get a little older, to hear the first of his laughter, to watch his first smile grace his face. She couldn’t wait for him to play.

I hugged my six-week-old son a little closer to me, willing time to slow. I’d learned to cherish each day, and I wished none of them away.

He fussed, and a tiny cry gurgled from his trembling mouth, his toothless gums exposed.

My chest tightened, affection pressed.

Was it strange I thought it the cutest thing?

I whispered to Lizzie, “Goodnight, princess,” then kissed her again before I lifted Myles to the center of my chest. He curled his legs up under him, tucked into a tiny ball. I patted his back as I walked back through the house, pressed my lips to the crown of his head.

I entered back into the muted light and looked down to where my wife lay. Awake, she was on her side, facing me. A sleepy smile spread along her gorgeous mouth.

“I thought I heard him crying. Is he hungry?”

I nodded with a smirk, my palm a caress at the back of his head. “Apparently this little guy likes you as much as I do.”

Her smile transformed as a blush crawled across her face, the sweet innocence that had stolen my heart hinting at her cheeks. “He does, huh? Well, I kind of like him, too.”

With our son in my arms, I placed a knee on the mattress and climbed to the bed. I passed Myles to her, and she welcomed him into her arms.

Light filled her face. Intense, radiant light. It shined with love. With joy.

Still lying on her side, she nestled him against her, lifted her arm over her head as she bunched up her shirt so Myles could find her breast.

He curled back into that tiny ball, his fingers fisted in her shirt. He grunted, jerked his head and mouth as he latched on.

Elizabeth caressed the back of her hand over his round cheek, looked down at the child who had taught us so many things—that it was okay to hope again, to love without fear, even when it might cost us all, to show it every day.

I settled down beside them, our son cocooned between us.

She glanced up at me, her brown eyes steeped in emotion. “I didn’t think I’d ever love this much again.”

I reached across the short space, held her face in the cup of my hand, and realized I’d never felt closer to her than I did now.

Her gaze locked with mine, this woman who loved me with everything and trusted me with all.

My mind rushed through the years of our lives, what my hopes for the future held.

The footsteps that would clamor over these wooden floors, the laughter and the play, the days that would pass as we watched our children grow. I could picture Myles stumbling across the lawn on unsure feet, the biggest grin on his face, Lizzie at his side, encouraging him to take one more step.

The way it would sound when he called me Daddy.

The way my little girl would slowly turn into a woman, how it terrified me yet made me insane with pride at the same time.

How my children would learn. All their missteps and triumphs, failures and successes.

How one day they would find a love of their own.

How Elizabeth and I would be allowed to grow old together.

That we’d love until we’d been given no more days, and then, somehow, I’d find her again.

This woman, the one who’d stolen my breath with a passing glance.

This woman, the one who’d changed every piece of me.

I clutched her face as I kissed her.

This woman.

My forever.